Model Example?

This morning I read an article posted by a woman who clearly has a very strong and negative opinion about getting the Victoria’s Secret swimsuit catalog*. The post was filled with images from the catalog and she tossed out numerous jabs at both the clothes and the women wearing them. After a couple paragraphs I started wondering the following:

Why is it okay for average Janes like us to say that models are too skinny, too tan, too sexy looking in their photographs but the moment someone comments on our weight, our skin tone, our facial expressions we get all up in their face like they just called the Pope an Atheist?

I can say with 100% certainly this statement is true – models are people with feelings and just as much ability to have them hurt by words tossed in their direction because the people who say them seem to think their life and career choices are somehow superior.

Let me say right now that I’m not jealous of supermodels, Victoria’s Secret models, catalogue models or models in general. In fact, I might even respect them more because I don’t have that talent. I take horrible pictures most of the time and I accept that. What I lack in visual appeal I make up for with my glorious, witty personality.

Or something like that.

Anyway, I’m not a model and I don’t know any models but I feel it’s my duty as a woman to put this out there as a rebuttal to the common misconceptions many people have about models: 

• Just because a woman is skinny doesn’t mean she doesn’t eat.
• Just because a photo appears in a magazine doesn’t mean it started out looking exactly how the finished product appears.
• Just because a woman is beautiful, sexy, can wear tiny little clothes and sell those clothes because of her look, it doesn’t mean she should be open to public ridicule for doing her job.

Sure there might be some models who have eating disorders or other issues but it isn’t just models who face these problems. Lawyers, school principals, stay at home moms could have the same body/food issues but no one seems to harass those people about their weaknesses in public.

I really started wondering why the public seems to think it’s alright to scorn someone else for having something they don’t have – money, love, a rockin’ body, sex appeal. Is it jealousy?

For me, the real issue is that I’m disappointed in myself for not getting off my lazy ass and working out, for not eating healthy enough to still have the tiny frame I used to have. My feelings and my body image have nothing to do with the woman who has somehow managed to find the time to do all that stuff.

It’s not her fault I’m overweight. It’s not her fault I have cellulite and it’s not her fault I can’t rock the swimsuit that she can (yet). It’s my fault.

Yup, I said it and I stand by my choice.

Bear in mind, I don’t harbor delusions of body where I think that if I work out all the time and stop eating I’ll suddenly grow 6+ inches in height and lose every curve or varicose vein on my body. Come on now, I’m not young and stupid (anymore). But if I stopped being lazy and started taking better care of myself I actually could rock this bathing suit:

Yes she’s beautiful, yes she sells sex through her eyes and body, and yes the scene around her is picturesque.

Now, here’s some other things to think about when you look at that picture:

► Most swimsuit photo shoots happen in winter. Yup. This woman is probably freezing her tight, tan ass off but do you see that in her face? No. Models have to rise above being totally uncomfortable in order to do their fucking job. And that ain’t easy.

► What if she’s got the flu but scheduled for a photo shoot they’re paying for her to be a part of? You think she gets a sick day? Uh, no not so much. At least, not if she wants to pay her mortgage.

► What if the only time they could book for a shoot is on her kid’s 5^th birthday? You think they’ll reschedule because she ordered up a bouncy castle? Try again.

► The chances that this woman just got 2 hours of sleep on a plane, spent 8 hours “frolicking” in ice cold water then got right back on a plane to travel 10 hours for another shoot where she has to be professional and upbeat (aka not cranky and tired) is pretty high. How much of a toll might that kind of schedule take on someone’s body?

► Speaking of body, models contort into positions no human should be able to pull off so you can see as much of the product as possible. Seriously, I dare you to get in front of a full-length mirror and try to get your body into the position in this photo. Then stay there for 4-8 hours with little time for a break.

► Oh, and don’t forget your face because getting in that position for that long is painful and you can’t let that show on your face or your photos will suck and you won’t get paid to do your job.

► Then, while you’re doing all that other stuff, don’t forget your light source must hit the right places on your face or again you’re going to look kind of weird.

► And weirdness might sell some stuff – see tortoise framed glasses, hipster music, books – but it doesn’t sell swimsuits. Sexy sells swimsuits.

So here’s my big overarching question:

As women, shouldn’t we be embracing of WHATEVER other women want to do for a living (you know, as long as it’s legal)? Are we seriously persecuting each other for being too sexy now? How fucked up of a female double-standard is that?

If I met whoever that gal is in the picture up there I’d give her a high five and thank her for taking care of herself. I’d thank her for getting her ass off her sofa, going out and using the thing she has to her best advantage to make a career for herself.

Remember how women used to not be able to do that? This woman should get a medal for doing what she loves AND getting paid for it.

And I’d thank her for pushing me to go that extra half mile on my stationary bike. Because, while I have ZERO delusions that I’d ever have the same body type or shape she has, I use the image as inspiration to better myself.

It’s hard enough for women out there so I see no reason for other women to shit all over each other just because we make choices to make the most of the gifts, skills and talents we have. Regardless of what those gifts, skills or talents happen to be.

Now, if you’ll excuse me I need to get back on my stationary bike to do my 5 miles this morning because I’m going to get back in shape for me so I can buy that bathing suit and love how I look in it.

Non-model flaws and all.

Image courtesy Victoria’s Secret

*Sorry I can’t seem to locate the link to this story. If you read it please feel free to share the link in the comments.

A new window opens when you click to comment. Also, I get lots of spam comments so if the post is older than 3 days, your comment will be moderated.

Losing Weight and Gaining Good Phat

If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time you know about my struggle to find a workout program that I can stick to and is actually effective for losing weight. I blogged a while ago about my intention to spend my lunch hour dancing around my office all alone every day.

And you want to hear something awesome? I’m not only enjoying using dancing as a cardio workout, because the options for songs to dance to are endless, but after only thirteen days of doing my new overall workout routine I’m down three pounds!

Woo hoo!

This is a huge accomplishment as far as I’m concerned for a few reasons:

• I’m almost 40 years old
• I’m female
• I’m a desk jockey from 7:00 AM – 4:00 PM all week long
• I’m pretty freaking lazy the rest of the time

Each of those above reasons are facts so that means it’s harder to lose weight. But screw it if anyone thinks little things like that could stop me from getting my body back. It’s so on.

The thing is, I’m completely comfortable with my shape. The shape that exists underneath all these rolls that is. I’m curvy, I’ve got a healthy sized badonkadonk for a petite little Irish girl, and my hips never caught up to the fact that I’m not planning to have kids. Stupid nature doing whatever it wants.

Anyway, by this age I’ve learned to accept these certain facts about myself and I generally like the curves.

But they don’t have to be jiggly on the outside of the underlying shape. So when I saw that my fitness and nutrition plan was working it really made me want to stand up and dance!

Pun intended.

The thing I didn’t anticipate happening with all of this exercise was the side benefit of getting my body right. I’m so much clearer in my head. I’m more focused on my work, on whatever task it is I’m trying to complete actually, and it’s starting to produce results in my efforts of entrepreneurship.

All because I’m swimming three times a week, riding my stationary bike 5 miles a day three days a week & spending 30-45 minutes club-style dancing five days a week?

Hell if all it takes to keep me focused and driven is a collective hour a day of moving my body around then consider me a fitness nut.

I’m in. I’m all in matter of fact. This body will be in a bikini again by next summer and will be so toned that I want people saying shit like ‘Wait, you’re 41 years old? Bitch, I hate you.’

Yup, kinda like the sound of that.

• • • • • • • • • • •
Published in multiple print and online sources, Author, Blogger and Freelance Writer Jenn Flynn-Shon has been writing for publication since 2001. Follow her antics on twitter @jennshon

Low Ceilings, Dark Walls, and Lots of Smoke

Life shifts, life changes in the blink of an eye but we're required to keep at our battle to live the best possible life we can. For the first few months after all my health stuff started up I’d been worried I wouldn’t be able to work out ever again, and with good reason.

Back in November Matt and I were walking for health. We’d only started walking a few weeks before Thanksgiving and during that weekend we were joined on our walks by my mom and sister. It felt great and I believed I’d be able to get into bathing suit shape before we opened our pool for the summer. The week after the holiday it was back to the two of us and we went out one night to do a short three mile walk around the neighborhood.

I don’t know if maybe I hadn’t eaten enough or if it was related to the something else starting to go on with my body but about halfway through I started getting lightheaded and feeling like my legs were weak. Very weak. To the point I wasn’t sure I could actually make it the rest of the way home. I held onto Matt’s arm, we both slowed down and he continued to encourage me to just steadily place one foot in front of the other. It wasn’t easy; it was as if I was on a rocking boat inside my head.

By the time we got home Matt said I was as white as a sheet. I had been drinking water and ate a granola bar before we left the house like I always did but maybe it wasn’t enough this time. I felt like my blood sugar levels were down around zero so when we got home I got more water and a fistful of almonds to try to regulate. Matt went out and got me a steak and cheese sub. I leveled off some after eating dinner but my constitution hasn’t been the same since and the serious wonkiness took hold right around this time.

For the many weeks after that night I’ve been taking it easy on workouts, generally sitting around most of the time so as not to disrupt whatever balance I seemed to maintain by being somewhat sedentary. As you know, if you’ve been around here since last year, I went to just about every possible doctor and / or specialist in the phonebook to figure out what’s wrong with me (still to no avail).

Slowly I started adjusting my food intake and maintaining levels of sodium, fat, fiber, protein, etc. on my own. I started ramping up nutrition, weeded out coffee almost completely, and hardly ever drank anymore. Slowly I started incorporating some form of work out back into my routine.

I think I’m at a pretty good place right now as far as managing my nutrition and water intake and my work outs are getting longer and slightly more intense. I haven’t felt even a hint of what happened that night back in early December but I do still experience the wonkiness sometimes. Just depends on the day. But it seems I’ve been able to manage it to a point. So it’s time to change my whole routine and get my total body health back under control.

We own P90X, Bob Harper’s (holy-mother-effer) workout, a few other yoga/Pilates DVD’s, and the stationary bike. But I’m somewhat bored of these choices. So I started thinking about what I could do to get back in shape and lose the few (ahem, thirteen) pounds I put on since moving to Arizona. I started to reminisce on when I was in the best shape of my life.

Two distinct times come to mind – when I was doing faux finishing full time and back in my club days.

Now I don’t have the capacity to do painting jobs out here in Arizona, plus I’m finally working the way I really want to be, by writing full time, so I don’t plan to go back into a career in the trades. Which leaves dancing as a viable option.

When I was clubbing I went out to dance Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights almost every weekend. And I felt great (if not worn out) because at some point during that time in my life I stopped drinking when I went dancing. Water only. I was there for the moves, not the booze.

So in the spirit of my favorite club back in the day (Envy, now closed and called something else), I’m turning my office into a club every day at lunch. I’m dimming the lights, turning up my iTunes playlist (titled Ass Shaper of course), and starting to swing the flab right off my body. No one else has to see me jiggle to-and-fro but I’m going to imagine being in a Boston club from the mid-nineties and start rocking out to today’s pop rock grooves for about an hour every day.

It’s just too bad the ceilings are so high and the walls are peach. I could really use a nice dark room with low lighting. I wonder how much it would cost to buy a smoke machine?

May’s Month of Music

Get Back in My Life – Maroon 5 (Pandora first track)

Don’t Forget the Bow in Your Hair

I came across an article in my local paper a couple days ago (meant to clip & scan it but forgot and now it’s in my outside recycle bin so, sorry, but I'm not fishing it out) that focused on how women weigh more these days because they don't do as much housework as compared to how much they did back in the late Sixties.

My gut reaction was that I was appalled someone would even begin to do this kind of a study. I mean it isn’t like men used to do the housework back then but they too were also much trimmer simply because the fast food, high fat crap diets and endless hours of sitting on one’s ass hasn’t yet filtered into the mainstream way of life and work. How dare this man put that kind of bullshit off on women!

But then I got to thinking, my house could really use a good solid cleaning. And I’m kind of lacking in cardio points this week. Maybe I should pull out the vacuum and go all Magda on my living room. Think Ethan Hawke in Gattaca only without the six pack abs. Well not yet, I haven’t cleaned this week.

And as a side note, whatever happened to Ethan Hawke? And how did I not recognize his amazing hotness until this very moment? I really need to watch Reality Bites in the next week or so. Damn.

But I digress.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to run a vacuum over my floors and expect to lose weight or tone my muscles or anything but when I think about the way I clean my house I can’t help but wonder just how many calories I actually do burn. Obviously cleaning isn’t a daily activity so it isn’t part of a solid workout plan but that raised another question for me – can any movement be considered part of a solid workout plan? And if I do enough moving in a day – cleaning, dancing, fifty random jumping jacks, power walking as I shop at the mall – does it count toward my calorie burn?

Last weekend Matt, my sister and I all headed to my mom’s place to celebrate her birthday and on Saturday night we had a couple drinks and a lot of laughs to some random tunes. Gloria Estefan, the Xanadu soundtrack, “Jesse’s Girl”, just to name a few. I haven’t been dancing in what feels like forever so, with the music playing, I simply got out of the chair on the sun porch and started doing some serious cardio dancing. For about a solid hour. And it felt great!

 

Let me tell you, I sure was sore the next day in my sides, thighs, hips & butt so I know I worked something. But then I got back home and it was back to my standard one hour a day workout. Do daily tasks. Sit on ass writing (read: play Angry Birds for hours). Eat dinner. Workout. Pretend I’m actually changing my lifestyle.

Realize I’ve been lying to myself.

If I want to get in shape, really get in shape, I need to get off my ass more. A lot more. Now I don’t plan to go and fool myself into thinking I have to join a gym and workout six hours a day on nautilus equipment to get where I want to be, but I sure can’t see myself achieving my goal of losing ten pounds before my friend’s wedding in April while I veg out on the sofa all night after my one hour workout.

It's time to get up and get moving.

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go put my pretty pink bow in my hair and move said sofa because there are a shitload of dust bunnies underneath it and it’s apparently my job as a woman to make sure they’re cleaned up.

And I’m going to do it while I dance to some Eighties pop music.

Details Schmetails

When I woke up on 1/11/11 I became a non smoker. Again. Technically I guess you could say it happened on 1/10/11 seeing as though I flicked my last cigarette at about 11:30 that night but details schmetails.

This is the umpteenth time I’ve tried to quit, as anyone who has read this blog long enough knows, but I have a feeling this one might just stick because I’m really tired of gasping through my workouts. When we joined the P90X family last year Matt & I decided that upon completing our first twelve week round we were going to quit. So quit we did!

I tend to be a hypocrite in a whole bunch of areas of my life -- calling myself Green but turning the heat up any chance I can get, eating healthier yet still smoking -- so I guess this is the first step in trying to rectify that problem.

Okay, technically that isn’t entirely true. I first started to correct it by saying I wanted to write novels full time and then actually began the process of querying Agents to have my manuscript published. That is working out pretty good as I just had an agency request to read the first two chapters of the book based on just the query. I sent that along the other day and will wait the prescribed two-three months for a reply. It might be a request for more, it might not, but either way interest is being generated and I’m thrilled.

Thankfully they didn’t request the synopsis seeing as though I still haven’t had the mental capacity to turn 230 pages into 20. I guess sometimes I also work better under pressure so I’ll do it when I have to.

Maybe that’s not the best solution but it’s all I got right now so it’ll have to do.

Smoking has been a part of my life for all of my life in some capacity or another as most of my relatives on my dad’s side were smokers before I was even born and some still are now. I started at about age fourteen in a casual, social way but really became a smoker at eighteen. That was when I graduated high school and was no longer involved in sports.

I’m starting to see the connection to athleticism and inability to wheeze while in the midst of that athletic activity. Shocker, I know.

Plus that’s almost twenty years ago now. Scary thought that I’ve been poisoning myself for that long. With so many other changes afoot this one should be a no brainer. Something I don’t even have to think about because it just makes sense.

But that’s the very place I start to go mad -- my mind. The body is almost out of the physical withdrawal symptoms now and chewing the replacement gum has helped with that a lot but last night I was definitely in the bargaining phase in my head. ‘If I could only be that type of person who has a smoke just after dinner…’ But I can’t. So I won’t.

Matt is using the patch and so far he seems to be doing okay too. I think he’s been at it almost as long as me so I’m sure he’s going through a lot of the same internal stuff I am. We’re trying not to be cranky or take it out on each other. So we pretty much haven’t said boo to each other in the past three days.

That would be okay in most situations seeing as though he goes to work outside the house but yesterday he worked from home because of our second “blizzard” in as many weeks and I think we said about three words to each other all day. I just chewed a lot of gum and focused on my class while he rubbed his shoulder under the patch and focused on his job.

Speaking of, my first class is going pretty well, it’s a Psychology course though (which usually escapes me) and I’m already looking forward to my next class, Genres of Literature or something like that. In this one we’re studying all manner of human development and how physical, mental and social aspects in our lives directly relate to how we grow and shift as adults.

Socially I don’t really hang out with any other smokers on a consistent basis, besides Matt, so that’s helpful and physically I’m tired of experiencing the negative effects of it on my body so, again, that is an easy jump. Like I said, it’s all in my head now.

And I will move past it, I just know its going to take some time.

Week(s) In Review: A Pictorial Adventure

So where have I been, yes that would be the question considering that, unless we’re connected on Facebook, no one has heard from me in weeks. I don’t call, don’t write. Yeah, ‘dropped off the face of the virtual Earth’ (yet again) is pretty accurate. But I have done some amazing and fun stuff in my electronic absence.

And the train continues to roll so rather than sit here for ages typing out all the details of my recent misadventures in construction, paint, music, old friends and pastry, it occurred to me that a nice array of photos is surely a much lazier way to share the information.

And retain it for that matter. See? Really I’m just thinking of your time. Yeah, that's it.

So without further random babble from me, here is essentially a month in review…

A whole bunch of these got painted, glazed, varnished, etc. over the past couple weeks for Chucka Stone Designs, and more will be done this week (plus I might actually finish the furniture pieces this weekend, amazing!)

I hosted a week long giveaway over here that I enjoyed promoting.

This holiday came and went & Matt and I thankfully didn’t feel pressured to celebrate (because it is a silly tradition started just to make people feel bad who are single and obligated who are together so the card, chocolate, flower and jewelry industries can live on for one more day. OK. Jumping off my soapbox now…) But my mom sent us this card and it was very sweet of her!

The FINAL season (sob) of Tuesday night crack began. (Yeah I know he’s not on the show anymore but he was my favorite character and he did make an appearance in the first episode this season. Plus he’s hot, so there.)

We had a chance to catch this guy’s act live, and solo for the first time, which was so much fun! We were right at the edge of the stage in the Red Room at Café 939.

Then I started doing a whole bunch of this. (Thanks for the video still shots This Old House)

Of course that job is in central Mass so that meant I was in this a lot. Don’t worry, my car wasn’t recalled. Baby drives great.

Even though painting and plaster is a great workout it was good to do a little of this in addition to keep loose. Climbing ladders requires a certain level of already in shape-ness so as not to fall asleep on the sofa every night at 10:00. Oh wait…

I have been helping to clean out the family house which desperately needs to be finished and sold. My Aunt, mom and I spent six hours in this room getting it to look this empty. I wish I were kidding. But it is done now and so we celebrated with subs (hoagies, wraps, whatever you call it in your neck of the woods -- sandwich filling in a long roll). I took this round table home and it is now gracing my back hall under the window; it looks perfect with the bench on the other side, since they are a matching set.

Of course Thursdays have still been all about this. Wouldn’t miss that for anything!

Had a chance to catch one of my mom’s favorite performers, Seth Glier (on piano), this past Friday night. I can see why, wow this kid has talent!! At only 21, he has a long career ahead of him. (He plays SXSW every year so if you’re near Austin, TX go check him out!). Plus he remembered my mom on sight by name, asked her later what she wanted to hear and made a point to come over and apologize that he didn’t have time to play it after the show was over. Now that’s class.

And now this morning I’m finishing coffee and writing. Not to mention eating one of these; purchased after dinner with friends in Davis Square last night. Yum!

The month in review has now commenced. Holy crap, can’t believe it’s just about March already! Bring on the warm weather, yippie!

Broken Thoughts Are Handy on Friday

Another week gone. They fly so fast I have no idea what to even do with myself anymore! Last weekend we painted and this weekend will be all about relaxing over some super yummy meals with family. It should be a nice time all around. On top of that we have both decided it is high time to go sit out in our yard so we are both grabbing a book and will be doing just that.

I’m still reading On the Road, Jack Kerouac. It isn’t a very tough read per se but he is so erratic sometimes it is hard to follow along. Considering I have a similar style of writing you would think I could but strangely I like to have an entire land built for me when I read; a place I can “travel” to in my imagination and I don’t want that place to be too broken or I just can’t get into it. His voice is casual though and he isn’t too pretentious from what I can gauge so far so I will definitely finish the book, it just might mean I read the same paragraph three times before moving on so it might take a while.

I’m kind of feeling like Kerouac today; I’m eating pie and ice cream for lunch.

Last night I made the coolest dinner out of fridge scraps; better known as the random stuff left at the end of the week. I baked some salmon steaks in the oven then placed them on top of a killer salad made from baby spinach & basil leaves, seedless red grapes, walnuts and diced apple. Then I cubed some crusty Italian bread, marinated garlic in butter on the stove top, saturated the bread with the liquid then baked until they were crouton crispy. It was sort of Waldorf-y but I drizzled blue cheese across the top. Matt was impressed. More importantly, we were both full. Here is the plate because I told him he was not allowed to eat it until I took a picture haha.


Then after dinner we headed out for our evening walk and this was at the end of the street just as we walked out the door.

Pretty!

Tonight I read about a cool thing going on in Davis Square in Somerville called Art Beat. Apparently there is going to be all kinds of artistic stuff, a wind powered car parade, food and some other randomness. Hopefully Bridgete is still up for meeting us there but Matt and I are planning to go either way. Should at least be interesting enough for a blog post so stay tuned

Man I am totally dying for a cannoli.

Today S and I did a little over two miles going from East Arlington, to Arlington center and back on the bike trail. Because of where they are it added a little extra on. I’m really tired now and downing lots of water. It seems to be starting to work I think. Well my butt feels tighter even if it doesn’t look that way yet. Guess I’ll keep it up and hope for the best. If nothing else it’s a nice way to get out of the house everyday for both of us. And it means I can eat pie for lunch and not feel too bad about it. Of course it is Chocolate Overkill Pie so it’s actually good for me. Yeah, that’s what I’m going with.

I’m just not feeling it today. I don’t know what “it” is exactly but I’m feeling very fatigued and I fancy crawling back under the bloody covers, turning the fan on and just napping the rest of the day away.

Clearly I’ve turned into a British person; maybe that’s why, the trip from England to get into my skin over here across the pond was far too long and now I’m exhausted.

Maybe it was watching Sense and Sensibility the other day that has me talking like that. Perhaps it is because “Desmond” is back on the season we’re on of Lost. Or it could be from playing Jethro Tull on Rock Band.

Yeah, that’s it. I’ll sod off now. Safe Friday night to all.

The BTP All Stars
Ginger
Bridgete
KC
Bree
Kate

Well Look at That, BTP on Thursday This Week

It just occurred to me this morning that we will be in Pennsylvania seeing Dave Matthews Band in fifteen days. Can not wait! It has been a couple years since seeing them on Randall’s island and admittedly it will be odd without LeRoi but I have a feeling this is going to be one of the best tours they have ever done because a big component of it is about honoring the man himself. So excited to be able to be a part of it.

Twitter is still holding my interest somewhat but I fear this might be one of those things I drop eventually just because of the strange time commitment involved. Time will tell on that one though I guess. For now I’m still there but posting / reading only about twice a day.

Hello sunshine, thanks for joining us again. We have certainly missed you’re cheerful disposition these past five days.

I’m not sure just how it happened but sometime in the last year I have become a stay at home mom without any kids. Suddenly I’m like a little chef and I even sometimes do Matt’s laundry. WTF? It isn’t entirely a bad thing (especially on nights like last night where I conceptualize the most amazing garlic butter and white wine breaded scallops, coconut rice and maple glazed carrots) but it is just such a far departure from the person I have always thought of myself as being it will take some getting used to that’s all. Understand, he doesn’t force me to do any of this stuff, I take it on myself, and cheerfully at that, so I think that is why I am mystified.

In Arlington we had attempted to grow herbs and flowers on our balcony but it only got a little bit of sun everyday. Here we have this awesome shelf built right onto the railing just outside our back door so a couple days after we moved in we planted basil and repotted a flower that was still living (despite being in the house with me) since my mom’s party back in April. I am happy to report the flower is doing well and the basil is beginning to sprout already. I am totally looking forward to using it in homemade sauce later this summer and into the fall.

When we went to the liquor store down the street on July 3rd to pick up beer for the cookout on the 4th, I laughed hysterically when I read the sign over the building.

OK Cable Guy…you can show up any old time now. Matter of fact you only have an hour and a half to do so and I would love if you actually made it on time. (Edit since first writing this -- dudes have come and gone, network is set up and cable too woo hoo! I like being legal but Matt is going to have to reprogram the clicker I think, nothing is turning on & off like it used to. We have so many components it is not a shock, but that is just not my area).

In order to work off some of this spread which magically showed up after eating, well, too much spread, Matt and I started an early morning workout routine. Early as in 6:00 AM. Yeah, that lasted exactly one day. I am just not a morning person. So now we are walking in the evenings instead. He gets home a little before 7:00, we eat and digest then about 8:00 we head out to pound the pavement. We have gone every day this week so far and I really have been enjoying it so much more than trying to drag my tired, albeit jiggly, ass out of bed at that ungodly hour. I never understood why gyms aren’t open at 1:00AM.

Do you ever get the sense like you were born to do something; that your whole life is an effort to work up to fulfilling one specific goal or purpose? I wonder this kind of stuff all the time but in turn it scares the hell out of me to consider that once that life purpose is achieved, what is left to live for? Does a new goal or purpose just magically appear to pursue or are we just supposed to ride the wave of the one true thing as long as possible and then live happily ever (though possibly bored) knowing we achieved our allotted success in life?

I have a couple paint jobs coming up this summer, in fact one starts tomorrow, and I am really excited to be doing this again. Not only is it going to be another great way to stay in shape both physically and financially but it will be nice to get back out in the world of contractors again. Sometimes it gets awful lonely working as a writer, enjoying nothing but my creativity for conceptualizing adjectives. So it will be nice to be able to do something less brain and more brawn for a couple weeks, where I can also have an actual conversation with another person every once in a while too.

Can someone please explain to me why banks charge money for dipping below a minimum daily balance? Um, hello, if you charge a fee isn’t the account going to continue to remain below that minimum? Perhaps that is the point, bleed the customer dry so you can pay your enormous debt back to the government right? I guess it is really us paying back the debts then huh? Not to mention how can you do this to a person who not only holds five separate accounts with your institution but someone who is a small business owner and has had an account with your establishment since 2000? Not like they charged my personal account of course, they hit me in the business account. So I called to inquire why I was charged the fee in the first place, due to the fact that I had received a letter indicating fees were waved for June and I was charged the fee on June 3. Apparently from what the Customer Hindrance Representative told me, the billing cycle for June ends on June 3. Say what? Oh and gee isn’t it a bummer that now you have been charged the “maintenance” fee for July as well since today is the 9th; looks like you never put any more money in there. Well thanks for letting me know that my business sucks this year. Apparently yours is thriving now on my loss right? I can only imagine how many other people are going through this exact same thing with TD Banknorth. Sucks for them, my money will be coming right the hell out of their institution by tomorrow morning and going into a local bank instead. All over $30. You know that is a gallon of paint I just lost. Totally not cool.

OK and shake it off…

I posted a vid over at GLR today showcasing Kermit the Frog singing Its Not Easy Bein’ Green and in my travels to locate it, this one popped up too. Freaking hilarious.



Visit all of the BTP Crew:
Ginger
Bridgete
Bree
Kate
KC

You? If you’re doing BTP Thursday (or any day) link back to here and let me know so I can give you the appropriate holla!

I Think I Pulled a Fallopian Tube

Yoga. An ancient meditative practice that dates back about 5,000 or so years could never be wrong. Right? All those dudes sitting cross legged with their hands raised to the heavens and eyes closed had to know that the human body was not so limited as to feel pain simply from completing a couple of seemingly easy stretches to elongate the muscles. Sure. Well that is the real secret of yoga that no one ever talks about; it is like being put on The Virtual Rack -- where the body is yanked apart but without the medieval shackles around the wrists and ankles. So this morning I started working on building a Rack instead of attempting yoga again because I think it would be more effective, hurt less the next day and be far less work.

Wait, let me back up for a second.

Since I can remember I have always been an active gal. From the age of seven I was in gymnastics and as a kid I also went a few times a week to Jazzercise with my Mom. I loved to run around outside and as a tomboy I would climb trees or playground structures for hours. When S and I met in sixth grade we had an immediate bond of gymnastics and we both eventually joined the High School team. After High School, years went by where my only real exercise was walking but with the amount I did I remained in great shape, and then I started painting for a living. Faux finishing is indeed a full body workout (try doing ceiling to floor strie and tell me how your arms, thighs and core feel the next day). Then the housing market crashed so I started writing (AKA, sitting on my ass in front of a monitor all day) and S got pregnant with twins. For the past year both S and I lost all of our tone but we were both determined to fight against anything called “middle aged spread”. Especially since we are only in our mid-thirties. Barely even considered Cougars; if we were single of course.

Before she went in for surgery she signed up to do a swim class for new moms and since it really is not very practical to lift two babies in a pool, she asked if I would like to join her on the weeks her own mom would not be able to make it. I love to swim so it seemed like a great idea. When we got to class and remembered that part about wearing a bathing suit in public, fear sunk in. At least she had an excuse. I on the other hand looked like I should have birthed one of those babies with my sorry excuse for an out of shape butt and little pot belly out on display for all those judgmental moms to see. It was time to turn it around pronto.

Now that S is healed up nice from her surgery we have started a workout routine together over at her place a couple days a week. They have a nice exercise room set up with a recumbent bike, rowing machine, exercise ball and a Bowflex and we have been steadily increasing our activity level on each as the weeks have progressed. So yesterday when S suggested we could throw in some yoga as a nice supplement to our workouts I thought ‘hey, I was a gymnast, I am flexible, yoga should be a breeze’.

Insert hysterical laughter here. Then again, please don’t, it hurts too much.

We put on the DVD, unfurled our exercise mats which had collected about a year’s worth of dust and, with completely false confidence due to our recent workout success, proceeded to be beat within an inch of our lives.

The video was so serene and peaceful set on the shores of a beautiful beach somewhere and Rodney, the instructor, was stretching it out right at the edge of the surf. Ah, how tranquil. He almost whispered the instruction for each pose and took us through a wonderful Awakening routine. I felt calmer, at ease and at one with my yoga mat. Then in an evil plot twist, Rodney decided it was time to teach us who is boss and I suddenly felt a strong compulsion to find that beach, locate him on it and shove him right into the ocean. Of course with the way his back bent I have a feeling he might have simply sprouted fins and a tail and challenged dolphins to a jumping contest, and win. Fucker.

We were supposed to go from bent in a triangle like shape with our head down, hands shoulder length apart, ass toward the heavens (known as Downward Dog in yoga speak) immediately into a position known as Plank where our body is completely flat as if about to do a push up and then into an Upward Dog where our thighs are touching the mat and somehow we are meant to arch our back and extend our heads so they touch the back of our knees or something. And we are supposed to move from one pose to the next within a millisecond, with completely fluid motion and complete this at least 25,000 times in a row. Damn you Rodney. Damn you and your Sun Salutation right into the pits of hell.

After S and I were finished with our special torture we all got lunch, eventually had dinner and ended up playing Rock Band with a couple beers last night. We decided to mix it up and all played our worst instruments so it would be goofy fun (and it was) and after a lot of laughs, S announced she was about ready to go in the hot tub. What a fine idea! We capped off the evening in 102 degree awesomeness and after about fifteen minutes of relaxation we all went to our respective beds for the night.

One would think that a hot tub would help ease muscles. One would imagine pulsating jets soothe away all aches and pains from Rodney’s video which I will forever refer to as “Agony (Even for Masochists)”. One would be wrong. I woke up this morning barely able to move let alone walk as every muscle in my body reminded me of the fact that until yesterday they were purely there for decoration. Namaste my ass.

This week S and I will resume our regularly scheduled biking, rowing and core training on the ball. But because I am a stubborn old broad I will force myself to take on Rodney again too. Yeah, you think you can break me Mr. Flexible with your rubber band body? Not a chance. As soon as I can bend over again I say bring it on buddy. Bring on the Agony. Because bathing suit season is only six weeks away.