Blame the Houseguests?

In the past month or so, our house has been a bustling hive of out-of-town guests. From friends to family, Matt and I have been happy to welcome our peeps with open arms.

I have zero regrets about spending time with people I love but company always means one thing. Forced vacation for me.

Though, it doesn’t have anything to do with our guests. Our guests are great. If I want to come in the office and work, none of my family or friends are opposed to me doing that of course. They’re all grown-ass individuals who can certainly entertain themselves for however long I’m inspired.

It’s just, I’m just never inspired anymore.

I want to blame the visits, different energy floating around our house, lack of consistent quiet, or whatever other excuse is most convenient to apply as to why I’ve barely put more than two words on the page since I wrapped NaNoWriMo last November.

But applying false blame is a plotline better left in one of my books.

If I ever write one again.

Ugh. I swear. It’s like my characters are up there in my brain, rattling around and screaming at me to get their stories out but I just can’t seem to organize anything long enough to bring it to the end.

I don’t believe in writer’s block but I do believe in creative drought.

Thing is, I’m not entirely sure how to re-fill my pond of creativity. It’s out there in the sun, festering algae and slimy bits as hordes of little vampire mosquitoes sink their time sucking teeth into my brain.

Maybe it’s lack of sleep. I sure haven’t gotten enough recently. Maybe it’s panic about getting older body changes. Or maybe I’m just mentally worn out.

I hate…wait, no, that’s too weak a word…I abhor being unproductive. Feeling like I’m lazy. But I loathe putting in 150 million percent effort for zero return even more.

So I’m in this place right now, stuck between really wanting to just keep going because it’s not only what I do but who I am, and giving up entirely to go become a full-time virtual assistant with a real salary and someone to validate my existence.

Yeah, I’m not getting that office job. Even if I’m able to work in my own office in jammies. If I give up now just to go get a paycheck then I’d feel like a bigger sell-out than if I just keep at this grind and finally start selling some of my work to Hollywood.

The dream.

Goals, increasingly lofty or not, are my true motivation right now.

Because, I don’t know how long it’s been since I started dreaming of seeing my name in the credits of a movie somewhere, but I fully intend to make that dream a reality in the next couple years.

And I’m looking at you, Hallmark movie channels!

But, if I ever hope to get there I have to stop rambling on in blog posts and start getting serious about writing commercially viable books.

Guests, gone. House, quiet. Fingers, typing.

Let’s do this.

• • • • • • • • • • •
In addition to this drivel I also write books, both fiction and non-fiction.
Learn more on my author page.

Defending an Entertainer’s Right to run their Mouth

This past weekend we tucked into the sofa with dinner and Oscar. It’s my favorite time of year, awards season!

Only, something seems different now. When I was younger, awards shows were the thing to watch. To talk about at work the next day. To obsess over for weeks leading up to the air date. Salivating to see what the ladies would wear, who would win best picture or album of the year.

And then, there seemed to be a collective flip of the switch in the eyes of the public.

Suddenly it wasn’t cool to care about movie, pop stars, athletes anymore. Winning an award or trophy just proved the person in question had sold out. Got too big for their britches or something. Commercial success and celebrity weren’t revered. Weren’t something to strive toward. They were put on blast. As were the things said star vocalized when they won said award.

Don’t forget to thank the voting body. Ugh, his stupid speech went on forever. Please, she didn’t deserve that award. Just shut up and dance for us, monkey. Throw the ball. Pretend to be in love for the camera.

Oh, but don’t do it like that.

It’s even worse if the star in question happened to use their acceptance speech as a way to further a message. Any message. Be perfect. Be what everyone wants or doesn’t want you to be.

Just don’t do it like that.

At some point the collective decided that entertainers weren’t people with thoughts, feelings, a life outside of their job. That it was okay for the rest of us to have opinions, support causes, speak out about or against anything we want, but the moment a star did the same they were an overpaid moron who should keep their mouths shut unless they were delivering lines.

Um, I get it that stars make the big bucks but there are plenty of professions that produce a host of rich, visible people and I don’t see daily flogging of them for speaking their mind, supporting a charity, whatever. Using their platform to reach a wide audience.

So I can’t help but ask, why do we marginalize awards shows and the people involved?

I’m seriously asking that question because I’m an entertainer of a sort and as of yet I haven’t been told by a random stranger on the internet to keep my fat mouth shut because of my personal opinion that they don’t agree with. Operative word, yet.

But, then, I’m basically a nobody so I’m still entitled to an opinion. Right? Isn’t that the only way to know you have really arrived these days anyway? When the world clamors to be involved in everything you do but rejects everything you say?

As far as I’m concerned, entertainment is the thing that keeps us enjoying a tiny speck of sanity in a world filled with chaos. Escape. That’s why I listen to music, watch movies, sports. Why I write fiction. So maybe someone out there who feels like me can get a minute or two of diversion from the cruel reality by reading something I wrote.

But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to say things other than what my work is about. Does it?

True, like I said, I’m not a big known entertainer so I guess I can’t really speak to what that means. But I know for 100% fact that, no matter how widely my name is known (or not), I will never please all the people. I won’t intentionally belittle anyone, marginalize anyone, but there’s no doubt someone out there could take offense to something I believe when I say/write it out loud.

And then that’s where the public will focus their flame thrower.

Belittling. Begrudging. Judging. Trying to take away my voice.

Movie stars are people, CEOs are people, athletes are people, artists are people. And this country affords all of us equal opportunity to speak our minds. Some people hate that other people have a voice so they use their own to tear the first person down. Aren't we all entitled to a moment of escape?

I believe the answer is yes. I better. Otherwise, I picked the wrong career.

I have aspirations to reach a larger audience with my work, and fully support other weirdos like me who strive for the same thing. Which is why I love watching awards shows, whether for sports, music, movies. Those people worked their fricking asses off to reach that level. And I don’t see anything wrong with them having an opinion in addition to a trophy.

Seriously, who cares? I don’t agree with everything a celebrity type says, align with all of their messages, but definitely don’t begrudge them using their voice.

Their voice.

The one thing they stayed true to that got them to where they are is the very thing we seem to crucify them for having once they get there.

Well, I don’t care what the public at large has to say about awards shows. I’ll watch and be super excited about all of the outfits, performances, displays of personal opinions because I refuse to be an entertainer who tears down other entertainers just because they reached a higher level of success than me.

And, if I get what I really dream of, one day I might even join some of them, walking in a fancy dress on a red carpet. Of course, I’m only a writer. It’s unlikely anyone will even notice me on that carpet. Nobody talks about writers.

Right?

• • • • • • • • • • •
In addition to this drivel I also write books, both fiction and non-fiction.
Learn more on my author page.

The 20 Words I Hate Related to Internet Sales

Marketing. Ugh. Am I the only one? I can’t be. I mean, if you’re a person in an online environment with a product or service to sell then you pretty much have to eat, sleep, and breath internet marketing these days. Right?

Well yippie-freaking-skippy.

It’s all just words. Shiny things strung together to entice a person into spending their hard earned dollars. And, you know I’m a person in an online world with a product to sell, but, come on.

I write books. Books that fall into pretty specific categories, genres.

Why does that matter? Because keeping someone on the line with a hook is good to get them in the boat but a minnow gets tossed back even though it was still technically considered catching a fish.

Let me put it like this, I tell people I’m an author. Every time a man asks for a business card or my information I say the following line:

“Here you go, but you should probably know you’re not my target audience.”

I’m not a person who will try to snake-oil anyone into buying something they don’t want or need because what good does that do me in the long run?

None. The answer is none.

Those people won’t be my repeat readers. They won’t promote me. They will toss that card in the trash and continue on with their lives not giving a crap that card cost me $0.09. Minnow.

But anyway, I thought I’d share some of the words and phrases related to the new age of selling that kind of make me want to hurl.

1. Strategy (Good luck getting one in a world that changes by the hour.)

2. Content (Usually of the “quality” or “fresh” variety. You mean, words?)

3. Marketing (If you can read it then it’s probably marketing.)

4. Authentic (Having to tell people you are something makes me question how true the statement really is.)

5. Tribe (No, just, no. You aren’t related, descendants. You are on the internet. You are a group or community.)

6. Sell without selling (Yeah, I’ll get right on that. See #2 & 3, right?)

7. Social networking (Essentially redundant.)

8. Quality work (See #4.)

9. Drive traffic (It’s an oxymoron and I hate it.)

10. Authority (How are you supposed to get this if you can’t tell people things without it?)

11. Monetize (This literally means to turn into money. Which literally means a website can’t perform this task.)

12. Avoid self-promotion (Screw rules. Here's some now - shameless self-promotion!)

13. Insert website here (And gasp at people who aren’t using it. Fucking hipsters. It’s already obsolete.)

14. Capture your audience (Uh, I think that’s illegal…)

15. Industry trends (You mean, like, every word/phrase written in this list?)

16. Engage (The definition of this word is: to attract. It has nothing to do with continuous back-and-forth, like people who tout their abilities in #3 want you to believe.)

17. Consistency (Density. Uniformity. Constant and unwavering adherence to a principal or action. AKA: zero flexibility.)

18. Click-bait (The marketing industry can’t make up its mind. Do you want me to click or tell people not to?)

19. Above-the-fold (This phrase has no business outside the newspaper industry. Your mouse has a scroll wheel for a reason. The internet has no fold. Except the folds of time, ever reduced every time you get onto the internet.)

20. Thoughtful posts (So subjective. Who are you to tell me if I’m being thoughtful?)

Sadly, I have to admit to using some or all of the above tactics to get my work in front of readers. 'Tis the way of the internet and the online purveyor of goods.

I would do anything for page rank.

Wait, that's still a thing, right?

• • • • • • • • • • •
In addition to this drivel I also write books, both fiction and non-fiction.
Learn more on my author page.

Some People have Cats…

I think I might have a teensy little problem. Apparently I’m a calendar and charts kind of girl.

Some people have cats, I have a white board. Or four. And a day planner. Plus a handmade paper chart. But that’s only because I ran out of room on the whiteboards!

Okay, I get it. That doesn’t exactly help my case against being a crazy cat, er, whiteboard, lady.

But, in my defense, they’re all crucial to my process.

A process that is quickly evolving into something bigger.

In other words, I’m gonna need a bigger whiteboard.

See, when I freaked out on that other post, it prompted a long, hard look at my current state of things. Then Matt and I sat down and talked about all things career. Mine. His. Where we’re both heading and what it will likely take to get us there.

He wants to see me succeed as much as I want to see me succeed so we talked about increasing my advertising/marketing/publicity budget. Okay, to be fair, we actually talked about me having a budget to begin with.

As someone who doesn’t pull in a big income every month, and someone who feels like I’m bleeding money every time I start setting up a new book for sale, I always feel weird about spending more.

But, this market of authors is quite saturated and I need to remember that every day I go to my job. I need to get my name out there. Especially as a sole proprietor trying to build a business in a creative industry. The truth is, we have to spend money to make money in this world.

Even an office worker doesn’t get paid to go to and from their job. Car repairs, gas, food during the day, all of that comes out of the money they make for the job they do. Money they spend to get to work to make money.

So I tore apart my old marketing plan and developed a new plan. A good plan, I think. Again, still green to all this promotional stuff but the plan I developed for the next six months or so should help to keep a buzz going.

Hey, even one Africanized bee buzzes, it might be quieter than a swarm but swat at it and see how long it takes for that swarm to arrive. Am I right?

I’m using that mentality to approach my revived interest in marketing.

But with all new projects comes brainstorming, scheduling, a great need for organization. Hence, the corner full of erasable marker.

Okay, I’m not ashamed to admit it - I love whiteboards!

Because anything and everything can easily wipe away in an instant. In fact, as soon as I’m done with a task for the month, week, day, I take my eraser and clean the task off my calendar.

Whoosh!

See ya!

I do that because I don’t like mental clutter and there’s plenty of that going on just having the boards up in the first place. I mean, you saw the picture in this post, right? When I can declutter my brain of looking at something I already finished, it frees me up to concentrate on the next task.

In any given day at work I rarely complete the same task two days in a row. True, I write almost every day but it isn’t even the same writing every day. Nor at the same time of day every day.

Thus, a room full of erasable surfaces.

So, the first whiteboard breaks down the current month by days and weeks.

The next is my advertising schedule and budget broken out into the next six months by week.

Below that is my big, blue, paper chart for tracking characters in my California Dreamin’ Series.

Next whiteboard is current book(s) in process (timeline, character development, general story notes) and a bunch of magnets I don’t know what to do with (plus the list of all sites where I need to update info on a new release and my list of beta readers).

Finally, I’ve got an eight month projection board where I list out all the stuff I need to do in a given month on books themselves (AKA: write it, send to betas, edit, etc.), giveaway schedules, free/other promotion schedules, and the rare days I will allow myself to completely disconnect from my job and take a damn vacation.

The day planner? That’s for personal stuff like actually making sure we leave the house occasionally (hockey, concerts), paying bills, seeing family, scheduling time with friends.

I’m ready. I’m organized. I’m maybe a bit over the top with my calendars and charts but, damn it, no scattered business owner ever made it very long. And after working out a realistic marketing and advertising budget for the next year, I fully intend to do everything I can to stick around as long as I can with my business.

Resolve renewed.

• • • • • • • • • • •
In addition to this drivel I also write books, both fiction and non-fiction.
Learn more on my author page.

Making Decisions, Maybe

I’m standing in my office, the time is just after 8:00 in the morning. For the first time in what feels like forever I have an entire day to do my job. No contractors. No household / domestic distractions. Just work.

Hell, I can’t even do laundry since the dryer isn’t hooked up yet. (I mean, I can but it takes ages to sort everything after the wash and hang it all on hangers from the shower curtain rod, laziness shall prevail.)

So, I’m in my office at my standing desk doing the one thing that allows me to procrastinate on my job without feeling too bad about shanking it on fiction editing:

Writing this blog post.

Hey, at least I’m still putting words on the page. Even if they aren’t the desired words.

I go through something similar to this every time I write a book. And I justify the break in momentum by calling it my “process” or that “stepping away is a good thing because I can come back refreshed.”

Please.

I’m writing this right now, aren’t I? So technically that means I don’t have to abandon writing in order to work within my process.

Calling it “the writing process” is really just a fancy way of saying “I just did a lot of work developing entire worlds, people, out of absolutely nothing so my brain needs a fucking vacation and no I really don’t care that I just took a vacation 6 weeks ago because I need this.”

Picture back of hand on forehead, woe is me, overdramatized pity party. Because apparently that’s exactly where I’m at right now.

But it’s high time that I get shit back in gear.

I typed ‘The End’ on draft 1 over 3 freaking weeks ago. Between construction madness, contractor chaos, and general life needs, I’ve managed to do everything other than work on my book for the past three weeks.

Either of my books.

You see, I wrapped draft 1 on two manuscripts this summer – Reckless Mind book 3 in my Shaw McLeary Mystery Series, and Carol + Chad 4-eva! Book 1 in my soon-to-be launched California Dreamin’ Series.

I wanted Reckless Mind to be released this past March. I even put it on business cards I ordered last fall that it would be out in March.

Oops.

Turns out, March was the time I needed to open a new document and start the entire manuscript over from word one because the thing just wasn’t working out.

And now the finished draft is doing its own version of tubing down the Salt River on some hot day in July. It is having too much damn fun getting drunk and sunburned, shirking responsibility, to realize it still has work to do.

Put down the beer, manuscript. We have a few more weeks to go before you get to just sit there doing nothing. That doesn’t happen until after I post you for sale on Amazon. Sheesh, learn the order of things would you?

This is the part where I always seem to struggle. I know I have to edit now. I know this is supposed to be the fun part. I also know this is the time to get excited because I’m so close to release.

But like any dedicated author knows this is also the dreaded time of conundrum.

As authors we tend to run around saying things like: “I can’t wait to get this book done and finally out there, I’m just too afraid it won’t be good enough so I’m not sure I want anyone to read it!”

Walking conflict. That’s a writer for you.

I wonder if this shit ever fades?

Like, does James Patterson sit around secretly trying to decide if the book is good enough? If the story has enough tooth to really feel enjoyable to the reader? Or does he write so fluidly, effortlessly, after all these years that he’s long since let go of that fear and releases books with little to no drama?

Honestly, I hope to find out someday. Which of course means I have to release the freaking books, right? I mean, hello? Without more books I can never release more books.

Ugh. Stupid process.

Sure, it would be easy to blame my lack of action on the fact I have 23 kitchen cabinet pieces sitting in my living room, that my laundry area has no drywall/walls, or that I have contractors by the dozen in and out of this house either bidding or doing work.

But if I let those things distract me from finalizing either of these books for the market then I’m just a chump. Because it isn’t like this is my first rodeo. In fact when Reckless Mind is released (someday) it will be the fifth book self-published with my name on it.

Fifth!

Reckless Abandon and Reckless Hearts are already out there not being read by anyone new since their release.

I even have Creative Writing Kickstart on the Amazon shelves, collecting dust after the one copy I sold since it was released.

So why am I so hesitant to just sit down and edit this damn thing? Get it done. Release the fucker and be done with it so I can move on to the next project then finish that too?

As an old friend used to say, what’s my glitch?

Truthfully? I have no idea this time.

In the past it was fear – fear of what people would say about my writing, or worse, fear that nobody would say anything at all.

I’m not afraid that nobody will read it. I have all 10 of my loyal and awesome readers ready (begging me to release this one). And I know all 10 of those phenomenal people will also review the book for me.

I’m not afraid of what people will say. In fact, saying anything, even that you hate the thing, helps me out. Not a lie. All press is good press, right?

Truth be told, I can’t sit here all day writing this blog post. And I’ve rambled on for way too long already. So long, in fact, I’ve moved my location to the living room since starting to write this thing.

It’s time to do my real job now. It’s time to get over the inner procrastinator, put this post up, and start editing Reckless Mind.

See you all next time I feel the need to procrastinate.

So, maybe, tomorrow?

• • • • • • • • • • •
In addition to this drivel I also write books, both fiction and non-fiction.
Learn more on my author page.

Seeing the Person for the Politics

In doing all this research for real estate agent blog posts, I started noticing a trend. No matter where I focused my attention one of the top things people look for is a neighborhood full of nice people.

That’s it. Plain and simple. People don’t want to be surrounded by assholes. Shocker, I know, but it really got me thinking about what’s truly important about our neighborhoods.

Also, what makes someone “nice” as opposed to not nice?

That was a biggie for me to consider. Especially in these months leading up to a presidential election.

I mean, are you a dick because you share a differing political view and put a sign in front of your home for a candidate I don’t support? Because you want solar panels on your roof that I’ll have a view of from my back yard? Because you let your dog sit outside in the backyard and bark all day long at everything? (Okay to be clear, yes, that last one makes you an awful person, take better care of your animals for goodness sake.)

The world is made up of lots of different kinds of people and it feels sometimes like we’re more divided now than we ever were before. But why is that?

Is it because of niceness or of perceived niceness?

I have no idea what political party my neighbors are affiliated with because they don’t have signs out front. But let’s just say they were backing a candidate I loathed and displayed as much with signs and banners, that wouldn’t make me any less likely to wave and smile as I passed their house. Because that’s the literal depth of our relationship. And I like that, it’s nice.

If I started yammering in their face about why their candidate sucks so bad or why they should choose someone else, well, that would make me the dick. Frankly, I don’t know those people well enough to become an opinionated asshole trying to change their already made up mind.

I don’t hang out with my neighbors, never have and probably never will. I don’t know how they treat their spouses, children, pets (except that freaking dog, seriously), friends, family. I do know they always smile and wave. So I do the same.

Because of politics, could I change my mind about their niceness? In short, sort of, but not on purpose. If everyone in my ‘hood put signs in front of their house wouldn’t we know exactly who they are just because of some rectangular piece of cardboard displaying the name of another person?

I’ve been conditioned to believe certain things about each candidate and in turn apply all of those convenient labels to the people supporting said candidate, right? I mean, haven’t we all?

In this particular presidential election I think that’s the essential driving force behind every candidate. Yes, every candidate.

If you support Clinton you support a liar, hence you must be a liar.

If you support Kasich you clearly don’t support equal rights for women. Women hater.

Bernie? Idealistic socialist.

Cruz? Conservative Christian.

Trump? Racist, sexist, misogynist with no political experience or soul.

Because each of these messages is the thing the news media wants us to believe about each candidate. Nobody cares whether the facts are 100% true or not. All we care about is that we support X, Y, or Z and the other ones are all idiots. All wrong.

But that’s exactly the opposite of how we should look at this thing.

I know someone who supports Kasich, we had a conversation about it last weekend. This person is someone I consider to be one of the nicest people I know. Fun, loyal, supportive.

All I said in response was:

“There’s no way I could vote for that guy, I have a vagina.”

Because, in response to the politics, the things he does or doesn’t support as a matter of policy, I can firmly state that he would never be my candidate of choice.

Again, I have no clue if Kasich is a nice man or not. We don't jam on Friday nights. But I’m not about to judge someone I already know to be nice as not nice just because they support the guy and I don't.

That’s the kind of shit that got us into this name-calling firestorm to begin with.

The other night we were watching the NatGeo series Generation X and I was taken back to my youth. To a time before I even knew what politics were. Before I knew that the president could never be the sole decision maker for our country.

I have no clue how little nuggets get trapped in the brain, things we remember forever even if we rarely access the memory. Things like how to make pasta sauce, shortcuts in our hometowns after not driving those roads for decades.

Or maybe even the chorus of a super cheezy afterschool-special-esque stage show that I saw maybe once about 30 years ago (or more).

Before I knew what hit me I was singing the entire chorus to Matt, word-for-word, straight from memory. The show?

Up with People.

Did you ever see it? Did the troupe make the rounds to your school back in the late ‘80’s, early ‘90’s? They made it to Arlington and I loved it. The cast looked like extras who all jumped out of the cafeteria on Saved by the Bell with their brightly colored clothing and khaki pants.

Or maybe they were the backup dancers for The Jets.

Either way their message was all about being positive, being nice to each other. As a kid who was bullied for a lot of my youth it was super inspiring to hear adults singing their little hearts out about being kind, caring towards each other.

I felt like, maybe, once I got out of school I’d find where all those nice people were and we’d start our own little think tank of love and positivity.

Throw a fist into the air in stop-motion while smiling! Let’s dance! Woo!

All I’m saying is, sometimes, I like being idealistic. It allows me to go back to that time in my youth where I could assume everyone was nice unless they acted like a dick to me on a personal level.

But it had nothing to do with politics or party affiliation, what neighborhood you lived in or the color of your scrunchie. It had to do with being open hearted, accepting of differences, and understanding that while those differences may not be your personal choice, they were their choice and the right to choose is the very thing that should bring us together, not push us apart.

Maybe all of the candidates and their supporters need to be reminded of that moment in their youth when they believed that anything was possible.

This one’s for you guys.

“It don’t help nobody up when you put somebody down.”

• • • • • • • • • • •
In addition to this drivel I also write books, both fiction and non-fiction.
Learn more on my author page.

Life and Fairness

When I got up today, there was nothing in my head. No song, no remembrance of last night’s dreams, nothing. Which is not only rare but somewhat off-putting because at any given moment I can have about 500 thoughts racing through my brain.

Call it ADD, ADHD, daydreamer, or some undiagnosed syndrome that nobody has discovered yet, but living this way is all I’ve ever known. The thing that sucks about the racing mind is that it can be very difficult to hold onto anything at any given time.

As a kid I guess that didn’t matter as much. As long as I brushed my teeth, did my homework and ate dinner then the rest was pretty much a non-issue.

Back in the stone ages when I was a child it wasn’t a cause for medication when a kid was, uh, let’s just say spirited. Nope. We were called rambunctious or out of control, sent to the principal’s office. Or forced to contain our rowdy minds by hanging out in our bedroom, grounded for something we did “wrong”.

Let’s just say I read and wrote. A lot.

As an adult, however, I have responsibilities both to myself and to others. And I’m not just talking about things grownups have to do like paying bills, cleaning the house, accepting that they’re not 25 anymore by sending all their ironic/now-tragic clothes to the thrift store. No, I mean obligations that it would be ideal to have focus for completing.

For example, the third book in my Shaw McLeary mystery series.

Actually, hold up a second. Let me back up even further.

Because, before I force myself to focus on finishing that book, it might be helpful to remember a few things.

1. I self-publish.

2. Forced writing reads like shit.

3. Squirrel!

What I love about being this way though is the sense of freedom it allows. Because, not only do I work in a creative industry but I’m the only one who dictates terms of my daily workflow.

This is both good and bad.

Good, because I can allow myself breathing room in the creative process. Bad, because I might abandon something for a long time until the merry-go-round in my head comes full circle back to that project again. And if my half-finished stories in my half-filled journals are any indication, that could be a long way’s away.

So, in the past few months I decided to take the good and bad and mash them up into one middle-of-the-road personality trait. What does that mean? Well, it means I have four books in process right now. And you know what? If a fifth idea happens to come to me that feels like a fully fleshed out, solid concept for a full-length book then I’m starting that one too.

I’ve never tried this before. Working on multiple projects at the same time and fully intending to publish all of them. Usually I get inspired for certain characters and try to see it through to the end without further interruption. But now that I’m embracing myself in a more realistic way I’ve come to realize that all those personalities running around my head (as part of the 500 things) might not be me. They might just be my characters.

And that means I can hold onto them long enough to complete their stories, merry-go-round or not. They are the anchored horses. The stable poles I can grab onto in order to break my fall.

If Shaw is speaking to me one day, like yesterday for instance, then I’ll write her 2200 words. Other days I won’t have any voices pointing me in any direction so I’ll have to rely on myself to get words out. Those are the days my essay collections will likely see some love.

There’s something very liberating but terrifying about embracing my creative process. Saying that I’ve grown into a more productive and capable writer because of it isn’t something I ever anticipated but it’s a pleasant side effect and I’ll take it.

Makes me think I might just be able to adult forever. Maybe.

Oh right. Today’s song choice. (See? Squirrel!)

Since I woke up with nothing playing, I planned on taking the first song on Pandora and spinning it into something amazing. But I poured my coffee then opened Facebook and there was my friend Keith doing a Throw Down between Silver Spoons and The Facts of Life.

Come on now. Mrs. Garrett? Jo? Tootie? Up against Ricky Schroeder? Easy choice.

Also, the lyrics to the theme song pretty much say in 108 words what it took me over 1,000 words to blog. Hey, I said I was embracing the good and bad so I could focus on writing as a whole, not that I wouldn’t be loquacious while doing that writing.

So today I’ll leave you with one of my favorite television theme songs of all time. However, just a note for anyone who might be a fan of the show, this is the theme song that everyone knows. The original, season one lyrics were somewhat different and dropped out of favor when the show was given a major overhaul for season two so it wouldn’t get cancelled.

The Facts of Life

(written by Alan Thicke [yup, the very same], Gloria Loring, Al Burton)

You take the good, you take the bad,

you take them both and there you have

The facts of life, the facts of life.

There's a time you got to go and show

You're growin' now you know about

The facts of life, the facts of life.

When the world never seems

to be livin’ up to your dreams

And suddenly you're finding out

the facts of life are all about you, you.

It takes a lot to get 'em right

When you're learning the facts of life. (learning the facts of life)

Learning the facts of life (learning the facts of life)

Learning the facts of life.

• • • • • • • • • • • 
In addition to this drivel I also write books, both fiction and non-fiction.
Learn more on my author page.

When in Doubt

Only one post went out in February and now it’s March and I’m starting to think about spring cleaning.

Of my profiles.

I keep looking over what I do, what I write on a daily, weekly, monthly basis and I’m starting to realize that half of what I do isn’t really worth the time I spend.

My focus needs to come back because the real work is going to suffer if I don’t get it together. I miss the blogging and actually dread the days on the calendar that I schedule to write my tweets. The idea of a newsletter seemed great but I don’t prioritize working on it.

What I do like working on every single day are the following things:

This blog.

Fiction books.

Other books.

Blogs for clients.

Yup, that’s it. And everyone will say that I have to spend some kind of time on social media in order to stay relevant or in front of people but honestly, that seems silly.

Because if I don’t want to put in the time then those probably aren’t my people so why do all that work for something I don’t even want?

Right.

So in an effort to kick this blog back into something I update on the regular, I’m going to share two wonderful memes I found on Facebook. Because if you’ve been reading over here for any length of time you know I can’t pass up a lame ass meme.

26 things about me...

A- Age: 42

B- Biggest fear: Never getting it all done.

C- Current time: 2:36 PM

D- Drink you last had: water

E- Every day starts with: coffee

F- Favorite song: No way I could answer this, it changes too often.

G- Ghosts, are they real: yes

H- Hometown: Arlington

I- In love with: Matt

J- Jealous of: People who know how to start conversations with strangers without sounding or seeming awkward. (See blind date question below)

K- Killed someone?: Not that I know of.

L- Last time you cried?: can’t remember

M- Middle name: don't have one

N- Number of siblings: 1

O- One wish: To make a real living wage with my writing.

P- Person you last called: Mom

Q- Question you're always asked: Why aren’t you having kids? Which I assume will change in the next ten years, as I start looking too old to have them, to: Why didn’t you ever have kids?

R- Reason to smile: warm days and sunshine

S- Song last sang: Stuck - Melissa Ferrick

T- Time you woke up: about 7am

U- Underwear color: Excuse you, that’s a little personal for a meme.

V- Vacation destination: the beach

W- Worst habit: Being too hard on myself about my creative process.

Y- Your favorite food: Bianchi's pizza

X- X-Rays you've had: tomboy - too many to remember

Z- Zodiac sign: I’m convinced I’m actually a Gemini sometimes.

The Bucket List

( ) Shot a gun

(X) Gone on a blind date – Literally only once. It was weird. I was awkward. Oh no that’s not me being self-deprecating but I was actually cute or something, I was awkward. Example that I still haven’t forgotten even to this day (approximately 16 years later): I told him that I never leave the house without mascara then proceeded to continue that conversation for about ten minutes. Yeah.

(X) Skipped school (See ‘been on TV’ question below)

( ) Watched someone die

(X) Visited Canada – And I fully intend to visit again someday. Maybe for an extended period of time, say, four or so years. We’ll see. I hear Vancouver is lovely in December.

( ) Visited Hawaii

( ) Visited Cuba

(X) Visited Europe

( ) Visited South America

( ) Visited Las Vegas

( ) Visited Central America

( ) Visited Asia

( ) Visited Africa

(X) Visited Florida

(X) Visited Mexico

(X) Seen the Grand Canyon in person – Only way to do it, seriously. Come on out and visit in warm times and we’ll take you!

(X) Flown in a helicopter – I think but could be wrong about this.

( ) Served on a jury

(X) Been lost

(X) Traveled to the opposite side of the country – If it means coast-to-coast then not yet but I think Boston to Phoenix should count.

(X) Visited Washington, DC

(X) Swam in the ocean

(X) Cried yourself to sleep

(X) Played cops and robbers

(X) Played cowboys and Indians

(X) Recently colored with crayons – I colored in a picture of a bunny and painted blood coming out of its mouth. The conversation with the kids led to watching the scene from Holy Grail of course.

(X) Sang karaoke – Does Rock Band count?

(X) Sang a solo or duet – Does Rock Band count?

(X) Paid for a meal with coins only – Back in the day when I was a poor college student eating at Taco Bell, most of the time.

(X) Made prank phone calls

( ) Laughed until some beverage came out of your nose

(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue

( ) Had children

(X) Had a pet

(X) Been skinny-dipping

(X) Been fishing

(X) Been boating

(X) Been downhill skiing – Once. Never again.

( ) Been water skiing

(X) Been camping in a trailer/RV

(X) Been camping in a tent

( ) Driven a motorcycle

( ) Been bungee-jumping

(X) Gone to a drive-in movie – One of the first times I remember going to the movies was to the drive-in actually. I think the one my mom & aunt took us to was Snow White but the second showing (which I should have been asleep for) was On Golden Pond. Great movie, still love it, and especially at age seven-ish I was blown away.

(X) Done something that could have killed you – I’ve talked about this before.

(X) Done something that you will regret for the rest of your life – Because of the post linked above you might think my answer is yes. In truth my emphatic response is no. I wouldn’t be me if it wasn’t for everything I’ve seen, done and not done so regret would only mean I felt un-whole somehow. And I don’t.

( ) Rode an elephant

( ) Rode a camel

(X) Eaten just cookies or cake or ice cream for dinner – Um, how about all 3 at the same time. Just don’t make me count out the number of times this has happened over the years.

(X) Been on TV – Evening Magazine local Boston program in the early 90’s. And, like I said, it never would have happened if it wasn’t for skipping school. And New Kids on the Block.

( ) Stolen any traffic signs

(X) Been in a car accident

( ) Been in the hospital in past 24 months

( ) Donated blood

( ) Gotten a (speeding) or any other type of ticket in the past 12 months

(X) Gotten a piercing

(X) Gotten a tattoo

( ) Driven a manual transmission vehicle

( ) Ever owned your dream car

(X) Been married

( ) Been divorced

(X) Fell in love

(X) Fell out of love

(X) Paid for a strangers meal

(X) Driven over 100mph

( ) Been scuba diving

(X) Written a published book/story/poetry

( ) Eaten snails

Insert Catchy Title Here

Yet again, I'm coming back to my old trusty friend after a freaking recoculously long break. Seriously, my last post here was in May? No wonder I'm so irritated. This used to be my therapy.

Sort of.

But now I don't even know where to begin. Maybe the start is a decent option. But if you've ever read my words on this blog then you already know how many times I've "apologized" for slacking off on writing here because I spend all day, every day, writing.

Well, I'm over it.

I'm done with following convention. The concept never sat comfortably with me before, and after trying to fit my square head into a round hole in the brick wall for the past 5 years, I'm done with the banging.

My forehead hurts.

Matt & I sat around the other night talking about my business, career, work life and how/why things are so stagnated. In the end he was right, it's time to break some fucking rules.

AKA: 

He said something that really hit home. To him, it didn’t appear that I was having as much fun with my work and writing life as I used to. That maybe I’m not doing what I “love” for a living.

At first I denied it saying, no babe, I love my job!

But I spent the whole day yesterday working on my business plan for Writesy Press, frustrated that I wasn’t doing as well as I wanted to be doing at this point in my career and it all just suddenly hit me.

I fucking hate doing the writing I’ve been doing for the past 3 years. It just isn’t me.

I mean, I want to sell my books of course but struggling for 3 days a month to come up with, essentially, 350 headlines/hashtags/clever ways to make people read my articles and then miraculously decide to spend their money on my books is a giant waste of my time.

Let me just say that I understand in today’s market there’s no way to sell without marketing. I also get that most writers would rather slit their monitor than try to sell to people.

I’m a shameless self-promoter. That’s my voice. I don’t tease you with clickbait only to under-deliver and have you click away before even thinking of buying my stuff. Though I’ve been pretending that’s me for a few years now.

Instead of

“Will Shaw get away and find love? *|URL|* #whothehellcares”

I’d much rather just rant about losing my passion for the past 3 years and say you can get my books here if you want to know what that passion is.

But for far too long now I somehow thought it was smarter to write to force advice and tips down the throats of other writers. And sure there are a lot of new writers who need help. But I finally realized yesterday that I can’t actually help any of them.

Every writer has to do it their own way. Every writer has to get over fear of releasing their words in their own time. I can’t help them find their voice either. Hell, I couldn’t hold onto my own for close to half a decade so why would they even listen to me anyway?

No matter how many times I pick up the pom-poms to try to encourage someone it just won’t matter, because I’m no cheerleader.

I tried and quit cheerleading in the same week when I was about 12 years old because I realized I just don’t have that much spirit. Cynical advice isn’t really a thing.

I’m over it. I’m over trying to encourage people to do the very thing I can’t seem to figure out how to do – sell their books with countless, useless words that fall on deaf ears. And I’m over trying to tell people the best practices for anything just so my blog gets a few extra notches in the search engines.

It feels fake, and fake makes me squirm.

If I’m going to advise anyone of anything it’s going to come out like this – in snarky little bits of random babble that eventually have some kind of meaning. Maybe. Even if it’s just to see how fucked up my life is so it will act as a warning to others.

But I can’t tell anyone what to do with their own words. That’s just tacky.

So I’m over it. And instead, I’m back over here.

And in case you wondered, here’s some other things I'm also over (that all the top marketing people would have a heart attack if they read):

- Giving a crap what platform my blog lives on. Blogger has been good to me since 2007, it's free and I understand how it works. I’m sure Wordpress is great for marketing but, see above rant for why I just don’t care about any of that.

- Caring if I'm optimized for SE-whatever. I'm not a marketing god so I just don't have time (or mental capacity) to care about any of that. If it hits Google well yippie-do. If it doesn’t then I guess nobody is going to read it outside my family anyway.

- Length and layout of my posts. Sometimes it'll be 4 words and an image. Sometimes 4,000 words and no sub-headers. If you can't handle it, don't read it. The thing is called Randomness and Lunacy for a reason.

- Posting consistently on some rigid schedule. Blech. This blog thing may have morphed over the years but they started out as online journals and I’m old so I like things the way they used to be. And I can’t guarantee that I’ll have some perfect post to share every Friday at 7:02 AM because someone once said that’s the best time for a blog to go out.

- Grammar. Yeah, I know I’m getting tossed out of the writer’s club for even admitting that one out loud but I write this blog like I talk – stream of consciousness – so sometimes my sentences will be fractured, or (much more likely) run-ons, and sometimes I’m ending a sentence in a pronoun. Anyone who cares about that can suck it.

- Being perfect. Ah yes, I saved the biggie for last but I’m sure you knew it was coming. I will curse like a sailor. I will write and blog crap just to write (case in point: you’re reading it right now). I’ll ignore family, friends, laundry, personal hygiene and eating just to get words out at times. I’ll be lost in my own head and character development at least 50% of the time you spend time with me. Okay, it’s probably closer to 98%. I will study you and your demeanor so I can use it in a book. I will be awkward all the time, way too intense and serious and say shit that makes the average person uncomfortable. You're welcome.

I won’t be everyone’s taste but I just don’t care because, like Matt reminded me of last night:

“Well-behaved woman seldom make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
and I’m still of the belief that I’m going to do just that.

• • • • • • • • • • •
EDITOR's NOTE: As of November 2015, shit is gonna get real. I'll no longer focus on my pitifully visited blog for new writers, every freaking blogger has a blog for new writers and I'm tired of trying to muscle my way into a club where the snacks already ran out. Because, what's the point if there's no food, right? Instead, I'll be back here and focused on bringing you the most random of the inner workings of my head as well as sharing short fiction pieces in my newsletter. Sign up, read them, bookmark this site...or whatever other call to action I'm supposed to use in this situation.