Defending an Entertainer’s Right to run their Mouth

This past weekend we tucked into the sofa with dinner and Oscar. It’s my favorite time of year, awards season!

Only, something seems different now. When I was younger, awards shows were the thing to watch. To talk about at work the next day. To obsess over for weeks leading up to the air date. Salivating to see what the ladies would wear, who would win best picture or album of the year.

And then, there seemed to be a collective flip of the switch in the eyes of the public.

Suddenly it wasn’t cool to care about movie, pop stars, athletes anymore. Winning an award or trophy just proved the person in question had sold out. Got too big for their britches or something. Commercial success and celebrity weren’t revered. Weren’t something to strive toward. They were put on blast. As were the things said star vocalized when they won said award.

Don’t forget to thank the voting body. Ugh, his stupid speech went on forever. Please, she didn’t deserve that award. Just shut up and dance for us, monkey. Throw the ball. Pretend to be in love for the camera.

Oh, but don’t do it like that.

It’s even worse if the star in question happened to use their acceptance speech as a way to further a message. Any message. Be perfect. Be what everyone wants or doesn’t want you to be.

Just don’t do it like that.

At some point the collective decided that entertainers weren’t people with thoughts, feelings, a life outside of their job. That it was okay for the rest of us to have opinions, support causes, speak out about or against anything we want, but the moment a star did the same they were an overpaid moron who should keep their mouths shut unless they were delivering lines.

Um, I get it that stars make the big bucks but there are plenty of professions that produce a host of rich, visible people and I don’t see daily flogging of them for speaking their mind, supporting a charity, whatever. Using their platform to reach a wide audience.

So I can’t help but ask, why do we marginalize awards shows and the people involved?

I’m seriously asking that question because I’m an entertainer of a sort and as of yet I haven’t been told by a random stranger on the internet to keep my fat mouth shut because of my personal opinion that they don’t agree with. Operative word, yet.

But, then, I’m basically a nobody so I’m still entitled to an opinion. Right? Isn’t that the only way to know you have really arrived these days anyway? When the world clamors to be involved in everything you do but rejects everything you say?

As far as I’m concerned, entertainment is the thing that keeps us enjoying a tiny speck of sanity in a world filled with chaos. Escape. That’s why I listen to music, watch movies, sports. Why I write fiction. So maybe someone out there who feels like me can get a minute or two of diversion from the cruel reality by reading something I wrote.

But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to say things other than what my work is about. Does it?

True, like I said, I’m not a big known entertainer so I guess I can’t really speak to what that means. But I know for 100% fact that, no matter how widely my name is known (or not), I will never please all the people. I won’t intentionally belittle anyone, marginalize anyone, but there’s no doubt someone out there could take offense to something I believe when I say/write it out loud.

And then that’s where the public will focus their flame thrower.

Belittling. Begrudging. Judging. Trying to take away my voice.

Movie stars are people, CEOs are people, athletes are people, artists are people. And this country affords all of us equal opportunity to speak our minds. Some people hate that other people have a voice so they use their own to tear the first person down. Aren't we all entitled to a moment of escape?

I believe the answer is yes. I better. Otherwise, I picked the wrong career.

I have aspirations to reach a larger audience with my work, and fully support other weirdos like me who strive for the same thing. Which is why I love watching awards shows, whether for sports, music, movies. Those people worked their fricking asses off to reach that level. And I don’t see anything wrong with them having an opinion in addition to a trophy.

Seriously, who cares? I don’t agree with everything a celebrity type says, align with all of their messages, but definitely don’t begrudge them using their voice.

Their voice.

The one thing they stayed true to that got them to where they are is the very thing we seem to crucify them for having once they get there.

Well, I don’t care what the public at large has to say about awards shows. I’ll watch and be super excited about all of the outfits, performances, displays of personal opinions because I refuse to be an entertainer who tears down other entertainers just because they reached a higher level of success than me.

And, if I get what I really dream of, one day I might even join some of them, walking in a fancy dress on a red carpet. Of course, I’m only a writer. It’s unlikely anyone will even notice me on that carpet. Nobody talks about writers.

Right?

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In addition to this drivel I also write books, both fiction and non-fiction.
Learn more on my author page.

Cheering them On

Last night, Matt and I were hanging out, relaxing, and watching some TV. These days when we watch anything on television it’s 90% either non-commercial or old shows available to stream on Netflix. That’s because we’re both so tired of the he-said, she-said media circus that TV has become these days.

I just can’t do politics. The whole scene is so last season. Kind of like that cliché. I’m over it because I hate being sad, depressed, questioning humanity. So instead, we like to live in ignorantly blissful worlds of fiction entertainment.

Our current obsession show of choice is Friends.

Friends has been one of my favorite shows since the season it debuted in 1994. When it came out I was close to the age of the characters and found myself experiencing similar stuff in life. Love, career, living on my own, and finding my own friend family. It was smart and witty and I found myself cheering for all of the characters regardless of how silly or irritating they could be at times.

It was one of the only shows I faithfully stayed home to watch on the night and time it aired every week.

Going back and watching the entire series on binge-level of episodes in a row has been fun. Last night we started on season 5.

(SIDE NOTE: If you haven’t seen the show then a lot of what follows will be spoilers. But it has been 12 years since the show went off the air so I’m taking the chance that those who wanted to see it have done so by now.

Come to think of it, you should probably stop reading here if you never saw Friends, The Office, Moonlighting, or Dawson’s Creek and wanted to do so without spoilers.)

Anyway, as we watched the first 4 seasons of Friends, I constantly remarked how the show’s creators had Monica & Chandler’s characters in a couple-holding-pattern the whole time. So, when they got together in season 5, it wasn’t entirely a surprise.

When the characters admit for the first time they’re in a relationship (not sure which “The One…” that happened in) Matt said:

“They were always my favorite TV couple.”

I thought about that a lot since he said it. Probably a lot longer than I should have but that’s just me. I have to agree with him, those two characters were maybe the perfect TV couple.

Once they decided to get together they stayed together. They laughed with and at each other but still put each other and their relationship at the top of their priority list. They fought and it wasn’t a perfect relationship but it worked on so many levels. Because it was funny and sad, real and fantasy, relatable and like nothing we’d ever experienced before. The writers who crafted those two characters were brilliant.

So of course that got me thinking about the other TV couples I’ve cheered for over the years. I thought, and thought, and thought. But coming up with them proved more difficult than I would have expected. And it left me with a short list.

Of course there was Ross and Rachel. Meh. They were certainly the central “dramatic relationship” on Friends but most of the time I liked them better when they were torturing each other instead of together. It was funnier.

Moving away from Friends my next favorite would have to be Jim & Pam on The Office. The writers made the characters and their struggles realistic but still gave them a happily ever after which I always appreciate. They were cute together and sarcastic smart-asses. Which I also always appreciate.

And of course there were David and Maddie from Moonlighting. Only trouble with them, after they got together the writing struggled to make it the same punchy banter they had before and the show took a dive.

Though I didn’t watch when it aired, Matt and I wrapped up a Dawson’s Creek binge last year. All I have to say about that – Team Pacey! If he and Joey didn’t end up together I would have been shocked and utterly disappointed. I was neither of those things at the end of the series. I was crying, but not disappointed.

Thus completes the list. Which wouldn’t surprise me except it feels like it should be longer. The problem with television is they need us to tune in week after week. Because of that, lots of shows create a “two tortured people who can never be happy” dynamic just to keep the tension going.

Personally, I think that stinks.

When my sister and I got our very first TV in our bedroom I used to stay up late night and watch Get Smart in syndication. And I’ve been a TV junkie ever since. But this list wasn’t about shows I loved over the years (a list too long even for this blog I think), it’s about couples I cheered on until the end.

Which, apparently, amounts to a total of 5. Well, 4-1/2 if I only count half of Ross and Rachel.

Regardless, it really has been fun going back to watch, in order, all 10 seasons of Friends. If nothing else it’s a nice escape from the daily news.

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In addition to this drivel I also write books, both fiction and non-fiction.
Learn more on my author page.

Getting Soft in our Old Age?

Take a moment to read the above article. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.

Okay, now that we’ve got the words in our heads I’m here to tell you the entire article is a bunch of crap.

Allow me to explain.

As a child of the eighties I’ll be the first one to say I can’t for one second imagine how hard it would be to raise a child in this day and age. The internet age of constant connection, communication, everything you could ever want right at your fingertips. All the time. Anytime.

It absolutely breeds a sense of blithe ambition. Nobody has to work to learn. It’s all right there. Easy breezy.

But it also helps to add a sense of entitlement that everything should be just that easy to get.

Because it is.

However, here’s where I sat and took a long hard look back at my own childhood and the pop culture influences I had. The fictional heroes we all looked up to, tried to emulate. And though the good Doctor who wrote that article makes some good points, I think they forgot about quite a few god-awful examples.

Now, I’m not saying I didn’t thoroughly enjoy a good chunk of the shows and movies I’m about to list (some are still favorites) or that there weren’t some gems about tolerance, respect or loyalty (because there were), but let’s not get it twisted and try to glorify how awesome and perfect it was back then because there was plenty for our parents to complain about too.

Right off the top of my head here’s a few I remember:

Porky’s (1981) – misogyny is the name of the game from the moment you see the movie poster. We taught a whole generation of boys it’s okay to spy on high school girls in the shower without their knowledge or consent. Classy.

Moonlighting (1985-1989) – where to begin? The basic premise of the show is that female bosses are shrews when they insist their male employees actually work for their paychecks. Not to mention, no matter how much of a screw up he is, how many times he threatens their livelihood with his antics he still gets the girl in the end. Uh-huh.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) – I’ve mentioned this movie before and basically in the same vein as this post. Suffice to say we all learned it’s okay to skip school, trash property and disrespect everyone as long as you don’t get caught and let your friends take the fall. How big of you.

The Breakfast Club (1985) – five teens, during a full day of detention, smoke weed in the school library, among other pursuits, while the sole authority figure fumbles around like a bumbling idiot.

Gremlins (1984) – what better way to say Merry Christmas than seeing your entire town trashed by a bunch of aliens simply because a teenager couldn’t manage the responsibility of owning his first pet?

Fraggle Rock (1983-1987) – a bunch of entitled kids live for free underground, take advice from a heap of trash and constantly destroy the hard working Doozer’s construction projects just because they want a snack. And it’s cool that the only adult in the bunch spends all his time traveling and judging humans.

Top Gun (1986) – generally be a dickhead to everyone and sleep with your teacher. Just cry over your BFF’s death while staring at yourself in a mirror and come back later to teach the same class and everyone will forgive you.

Any show where a female was in charge and she wasn’t a bitch or in need of a man to come swooping in to save the day (19?? – today) – a seemingly novel concept in any generation from the dawn of entertainment. Anything which breaks this mold is considered “groundbreaking” even today. (And on a side note, entertainment where men aren’t allowed to cry/show emotions at all or are constantly “scolded” by their wives like they’re children make me want to scream just as much)

Anyway, I’ll stop there but suffice to say there are loads more examples I could use to further prove the point.

However, I think the thing that stands out to me the most from the article above is this:

Yes, the world might be different now than when I was a kid. But when I was a kid we were afraid of the wrath of our parents (even if we didn’t admit to it) and at ten most of us were barely allowed to use the telephone let alone have one of our own to stare at while in a doctor’s office waiting room.

So where does the real ownness lie?

Should it be on the so-called role models of the screen that kids can’t tear their eyes away from, or on the parents who have full authority to force them to put down the tech and just be kids for a change?

I don’t pretend to know the answer. Even if I had kids of my own I couldn’t tell you the answer. All I know is there needs to be some kind of dialogue about the difference between reality (your parents have the right to punish you when you mouth off to them) and fantasy (everything you see on a screen of any sort) so kids these days understand and respect the difference.

Article first read on Facebook here

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You Kids and your Internet. In my Day…

So here’s the fear. That I don’t actually have anything else to say. That I’ve run out of feelings and imagination. Or that unless I save it up I’ll use it all up and then have nothing later.

Which of course is total crap. There’s always something eventually, some inspiration to follow through on. I just hate the dry times, they make me worry. And I have way too many other worries right now to add anything else to the pile. Especially where work is concerned.

The thing is, I just always want things to work out before the credits roll. Like all those eighties movies and television shows I grew up with. And it makes me a little jealous of millennials. Since their birth, things have been more real in the visual entertainment sphere.

Now don’t get me wrong. It isn’t like I think everything we see on reality TV is real. Or that the gritty “truth” style movies aren’t an imaginative exaggeration of a real-life type of situation. I’m not an idiot.

But, when compared to what my generation grew up watching, I get a little pang of envy for how much more raw and honest dialogue has become. Situations. Lack of force-fed sugary goodness. That, sometimes, there isn’t an answer after 30 minutes, or 2 hours, a whole season, or even a trilogy of movies.

See, my generation had shows like Family Ties. Where democrats and republicans may not always agree but can live in harmony under the same roof. Or the classic Growing Pains where it only takes a laugh and a smile to deal with how much of a screw up your son is.

And let’s not forget movies like Ferris Bueller’s Day Off where we never have to see the repercussions of what happens when your so-called best friend forces you to skip school, take your dad’s pristine collector car out and, after getting home safe and un-caught, you decide your best course of action is to trash the car. But it’ll all be okay because the script says so.

Don’t forget, after all, Ferris didn’t get caught. He was pretty much the only one who didn’t.

My generation of pop culture fiends were shown that the kids were always smarter than the bumbling idiot grownups.

Well now I’m the age of all those bumbling idiot grownups and have come to realize that in this age of technology and world connectedness, the kids are smarter than me now. And do you know how fucking irritating that is?

The younger generation has found a way to take what’s available, AKA: everything, and use it to become these clued-in, whip-smart people. The people my generation wanted to be when we were their age.

But the reality of my generation’s half-hour comedy is that nothing in life can be solved in 30 minutes. The dork sophomore never ends up with the hottest, coolest, richest senior in school.

Which really doesn’t matter anymore because the Ducky’s of the world know so much better how to take care of their ladies.

But I digress.

Because that’s a post for another day.

For now I’m going to spend my time working on my own mash-up. My own ability to read, research and extrapolate the info available to me to craft some cooler, whip-smart characters.

And if I get bored, writer’s block, or a total lack of inspiration, maybe I’ll write my own eighties-esque story. The one where the sophomore obsesses over the senior and they don’t end up together.

But it all still ends up okay.

• • • • • • • • • • • EDITOR's NOTE: As of November 2015, shit is gonna get real. I'll no longer focus on my pitifully visited blog for new writers, every freaking blogger has a blog for new writers and I'm tired of trying to muscle my way into a club where the snacks already ran out. Because, what's the point? Instead, I'll be back here and focused on bringing you the most random of the inner workings of my head as well as sharing short fiction pieces in my newsletter. Sign up, read them, bookmark this site...or whatever other call to action I'm supposed to use in this situation.

If The Voice Existed for Writers what would we call it?

My husband and I are big television fans. I don’t really care what they say about it being an awful medium. That it’s dumb and watching too much of it is the sign of a lazy person, or whatever because I try not to listen to “they” most of the time if you know what I mean.

I think you do.

With our love for television we’re bound to have at least one or two reality shows on the list. “Don’t judge me monkey”, I’m not going to apologize for enjoying them. And I do enjoy them with limited commercial interruptions due to the beauty of DVR.

Guilty pleasures abound from Project Runway (Are you serious, you idiots got rid of Gunner? Ugh. I hope all the judges are wearing flowers next week in honor of the boring as hell one trick pony they held onto instead of the guy who actually seemed to want to be there. Whatevs.) to America’s Got Talent (However, yeah, Sharon, it’s our last show too because really “America”? You gave the $1,000,000 to flipping dogs over Tom Cotter – the most hilarious comic I’ve seen to grace a stage since Carlin. You just robbed that guy of what he was rightfully due. Consider yourself Idoled AGT - two fewer viewers next season.) Bath Crashers, Biggest Loser and the list goes on and on.

But the thing about those shows that draws me in isn’t the drama or backstabbing, what I love about them are the final products we get to see. Rooms that delight all the senses, models in the making, everyday dudes who develop into superstars, people who transform their entire lives starting with losing weight, the coolest couture, and comics that I now plan to internet stalk until he’s in my area and I can see the guy live. Yeah I’m lookin’ at you Cotter. Freaking robbed I tell ya.

But I digress…

My real question and/or point in all of this is that just about anything and everything has a reality show these days – clothes, voices, odd-balls, roller derby – but there’s nothing for Writers. WTF? How is that fair? Even actors get shows just for existing as an Actor. I’m lookin’ at you Matt LeBlanc. So where’s reality for Writers?

It could have a kick ass tag line like “Will she love him or kill him?” and feature newbies, Indies, seasoned pros or whoever else wants to guest star to whip up controversy. We’d get a quick and easy theme song like the one The Voice has – “This is The Voice!” – but with a twist tailored specifically to us – “This is the Prose!”

Perfect!

Yeah, yeah I know.

Truth is that the concept is pretty silly. I mean who wants to sit around watching a bunch of Writers click away on their keyboard in silence? Doesn’t exactly make for compelling television I guess.

At least on a show like Project Runway the designers can stand around chatting with each other while they sew or fit their garments. The drama builds through scenes when designers are chatting. But have you ever tried to have a conversation and write at the same time? Not easy.

So I guess Writers will need to continue to apply the tried and true method for instant fame after all – work your ass off for years and possibly still never become a household name or twitter hash tag.

Because, really? Instant fame? Pfft. Writers know what everyone on reality television knows. There is no such thing as overnight success regardless if you make it to television or not. Winning it all comes from decades of hard work and dedication to perfecting what you do.

Just ask Tom Cotter.

Because as far as I’m concerned, he won.

The Influence of Television

Yesterday I was over at Jim’s blog, Suldog, and he had written this great post about television and his top 5 shows of all time.  I laughed, I cried, I did all the usual things I do when reading one of his posts (including but not limited to: snorting, dropping my jaw in surprise, cackling hysterically, marveling in the way he can spin something small like TV shows into something so well written).

As I was commenting back I realized I’d already typed about 200 words and decided instead that it would make for a good post of my own.  So in piggybacking my own drivel off Jim’s much better written content, here’s a list of my top five favorite television shows and a little description of why based on his rules:

You…

1. Watch every episode

2. Love reruns

3. Can name every actor who graced the screen

4. Have favorite episode(s)

5. Still enjoy even if it jumps the shark

6. Tell your friends to watch

7. Can identify when parts have been cut in reruns

8. Smile and/or laugh just thinking about the show

9. Wouldn’t mind a reunion

10. Find yourself quoting the show all the time

11. Feel the show would hold up through generations

And finally, that the series has come to an end.

With all of that in mind (which I think are a fine set of rules by the way), I’d have to go with:

Sex and the City

Not only have I watched every episode numerous times I own the super girlie, pink velvet boxed DVD set and still watch when it’s on regular TV, just because.  Quoting this show is like part of my personal lexicon, in fact at times I probably do it without even realizing.  There were so many perfectly timed moments, scenarios of friendship, love and sex in the modern day that entire urban phrases were created due to this show.  Ever call someone a Modelizer (a man who only dates models) or a Frenemy (so much a word that MSWord recognizes the spelling)?  Ever refer to the cheating curve?  Ever tell someone they’ve Susan Sharon’d something?  Curious where Bradley Cooper or Dean Winters got their start?  And oh yes you know Dean, he plays Mayhem in those trendy Allstate commercials now.  SATC streamlined so much of pop culture and made the bold move of showing the world just what women were capable of.  Even if they ‘lost their Choo!’ while doing it.  The one caveat here is that there was already a reunion of sorts, 2 movies have been made since the series ended.  I was so disappointed with shifting characters that were Hollywood-ized for big screen appeal in the first movie that I never saw the second and I pretty much pretend they were never even made.

Friends

This one is truly era/generational specific for GenX I think.  As this show aired I was moving into my own apartments and starting to realize what it was like to live and love on my own for the first time, just like the cast.  I discovered how much of a family my own friends really were.  I don’t have to tell my friends to watch though, most of them already own the box set and have all 10 seasons looped on constant rotation.  I’d just like to point out that no one told me life was gonna be this way…

Get Smart / Inspector Gadget (yes the cartoon, because these two are basically the same show)

Okay truthfully I can’t say for sure if I’ve ever seen every episode of Get Smart or if I could quote it on cue, but let me just say that during my nightly bouts with insomnia when I was a teenager I would stay up until 1:00 in the morning most nights just to catch the reruns on Boston channel 38 (I think, might have been 56).  The guy had a shoe phone.  Does it really get much cooler than that?  Also, 99 was really the brains behind the operation and I thought she was super crafty.  As far as Inspector Gadget goes it was essentially the cartoon version of Get Smart so what wasn’t to love?!  I was never really into cartoons but a bumbling fool who has a helicopter hat to get out of tough situations was too cool.  Plus Penny & Brain (the dog) actually solved the crimes (seeing a pattern here?).  I’m quite sure this is the reason I instantly fell in love with the character of Data when The Goonies came out in 1985.

Golden Girls

This is on the list because I’ve recently started watching reruns of this show again and I can’t believe for even an instant that any of my family would have let me watch it when it first came out.  Talk about racy!  Luckily I was only about 12 when it first aired and had no clue what they were talking about.  Of course that all changed as years went on and I loved all of their spunky attitudes and sharp tongues.  Those gals are who I aspire to be when I’m in my 60’s – smart, funny, out of control and still self-proclaimed sexy (okay so I aspire to be Blanche but will likely end up much more Dorothy).  Wait a second, 4 gals living in the same town, dating and generally waxing on about life and relationships?  Sensing a pattern here?  Plus there was Betty White.  And even after not watching it for decades I could still sing the entire theme song from memory.  What’s not to love?  I don’t quote it yet but I guarantee this will end up in the quote rolodex in the near future.

Lost

Conspiracy theories.  Unanswered questions.  More frustrating plot twists than characters on the show.  “Live together, die alone.”  “You’re gonna die , Charlie.”  “See ya in another life brotha.”  “Freckles.”  “The Others.”  Oh yeah, and there was that time when the Mega Millions was huge right after the end of the series’ run and Matt was picking up tickets.  I told him to play 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 (yes I just typed that from memory, if you’re a Lostie you could too).  Apparently lots of people played those numbers.  And we all won a couple hundred bucks.  Hurley won 150 million playing them on the show but who’s complaining?  We got back our investment 150 times over.  The writing was smart and those bastards kept us guessing until the very end…and beyond.  And of course after my Vampire post you pretty much know how I felt about Boone.  Someone get me a drool bucket would ya?

The one show I didn’t include, and I’m sure many are surprised, is Moonlighting.  I loved that show.  No wait, I love, love, looooooovvvvvvved that show!  Right up until Maddie and David slept together.  In the 80’s no one knew how to write so that there was still tension after the sexual tension dissipated and the show went downhill fast.  But EVERYone was on that show, Whoopie Goldberg, Judd Nelson, Pierce Brosnan and of course, Mark Harmon (who they should have kept around as Maddie’s love interest longer, just sayin’).  I loved that they talked right into the camera, something I still enjoy to this day (brought to even greater heights with movies such as Ferris Bueller) and the rhyming scripts were classic.  But there’s no such thing as reruns and I pretty much wouldn’t watch the last season again so it wouldn’t have been fair to include this one.  It broke the rules.

So do you have favorites?  Shows that cross the great divide of generations and can still tug at you like they did when they were first aired?

From the Depths of Hell to Your Front Door

Last night when Matt got home from work I was just wrapping up some school stuff and I had the movie “Constantine” on in the background. The moment he sat down was the part where some scruffy guy is about to get killed and a bug crawls out of his eye. Freaking Hollywood. That’s probably about the creepiest affliction you could ever give someone. Not to mention you made it happen so fast there was no way to realize it was coming so one could turn away.

At any rate, right after we both made shuddering sounds and crawled out of our own skin for a second, the next thing Matt said of course was ‘woah’ because, well, Keanu Reeves is the star of the movie. Now I have to unfortunately disappoint Matt here but I watched & listened pretty hard last night and not once in this particular movie does Keanu utter his most famous line. Sorry Matt.

Anyway, there’s this other scene where the main female character sort of dies and ends up going to hell for a brief second. It’s all fire and brimstone, dark storm clouds and red skies that swirl in giant whirlpools of half dead trees and brown rock. Dingy and dank and I can actually picture how it smells. I feel connected to all of this because it’s exactly the picture I got in my mind of what the internal gears of my body looked like last week while I was sick.

Full-on, fully engulfed in flames, flu for six straight days. In fact as soon as I was done writing my most recent post last week I promptly plunked down on the sofa and produced a fever that stuck around for 5 days and peaked at 100.8 while I was on Tylenol. I don’t even want to imagine what it really was.

My living room turned into a virtual pharmacy, my sleep schedule was spotty at best, food held absolutely no interest to me and I couldn’t even hold a book on my lap without my eyes starting to burn. It was one of those times when all you can do is lie there and pray there’s an America’s Next Top Model marathon on Bravo so at least you can pass the time with your favorite guilty pleasure.

I was all over the place the weekend before and since flu usually incubates in about 1-4 days I knew I caught it in one of three places -- the Bruins game, the NRCC concert or at the Old Manse on Mother’s Day. And more than likely it was one of those random drunk boys running around high fiving everyone at and after the game. That’s one point for microbiology, Jenn at zero (you can say I told you so if you want Sue, next time I’m bringing hand sanitizer and a blowtorch and I’m coating the outside of my beer glass).

In the end though it really doesn’t matter where it came from, I was toast.

I started thinking about last fall when we got back from Jersey and I came down with whatever disease they infect the non-locals with on the way out and how it equated to this most recent sickness. But neither of those compare to the worst flu I ever had.

It was about eleven or so years ago now, Matt and I weren’t even married yet and we were living in Malden. I was working with the IT Department at a sizable healthcare facility. That’s about the only recollection I have of the time, and I have absolutely no clue how this thing took hold, but once it latched on the fucker decided to stick around for what felt like eternity.

The first one to show symptoms was me, at the time though I was not prone to sickness; if I caught a cold once every 5 years for a day it was rare. Generally speaking I’m usually just a healthy person. So when the sniffling started I didn’t really think too much of it. I’m pretty sure that was on a weekend because by Monday morning there weren’t enough tissues or bottles of NyQuil in the world. Matt and I were both full-on quarantine ridden and for the first time in our adult lives we both took a full week off of work.

Moving was difficult, painful, even flipping over on the sofa wiped us out. And by sofa I mean the loveseat that we both shared for about 9 days trapped under a throw blanket. We had just recently moved into the place and still mid-to-late-twenties-poor, we really hadn’t bothered to furnish it with anything of merit. You never think about how nice a wrap around, microfiber sectional would be until you’re lying head to foot on a six foot long, wool loveseat with your fiancée as you both hack up a lung. Good times.

During our nine day stint with the body wrenching madness we left the house a grand total of twice -- once to go clean out the medicine aisle of the Walgreens down the street and the second time to go buy a new movie because after that many hours of confinement we had run out of interesting stuff to watch. Truthfully though I think we both just needed the fifteen minutes out of the house.

Next door to the Walgreens was a Blockbuster so we started there. Well, hang on. I guess I should back up to say that we were looking for the movie “Practical Magic” on video. And no I’m not using the term ‘video’ like I would ‘album’ where I say I just picked up someone’s latest album but really it’s a download from iTunes, in this case we’re talking old ass, old school VHS tape for the VCR.

Like I said, it was eleven or so years ago. There were no iPods and DVD players were just emerging as the newest technology. Of course like all new technology that shit is expensive when it debuts.

Oh is it ever.

Blockbuster didn’t have the video we wanted. I knew there was a Suncoast Video at the Burlington Mall positioned right near the door. It was only a ten minute drive. We looked at each other and, riding on a wave of semi-awaken-ness, decided it was worth it just to feel like human beings for the first time in about five days.

We got to the mall and thankfully there was a spot right near the door. Walking in that particular door used to be my favorite to walk through because Mrs. Fields Cookies was in the middle of the hallway so all you could smell was warm, gooey, chocolate chip cookies. On that particular day all I could smell was the Gramma-esque tissue I had stuffed up my sleeve for safe keeping.

Suncoast was two doors in; we were on an in-and-out kind of mission so it was perfect. We were both already fading fast and still had to drive all the way back home, climb the two flights of stairs and get some big Q into our systems before all hell broke loose inside…like I said before, swirling tornadoes of fire and brimstone.

We went right up to the cashier and asked to buy the video. He looked it up and shook his head ‘Yeah I don’t have that one on VHS but I’ve got it on DVD, you want that?’

There was no thought going through my mind other than ‘need pillow now’. Matt had turned the color of marshmallow fluff and his movements were about as smooth as if he was also walking through the stuff. I could feel my entire body beginning to rotate like a top and I knew it was only a matter of minutes until I spun out and went careening across the floor in a twirling line skid.

Simultaneously, we both asked ‘How much is a DVD player?’

About two and a half minutes later we left Suncoast Video with a brand new movie, new DVD player and about $250 less dollars in our pocket. Hey, like I said, this was eleven years ago and new technology is never cheap. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m sure we could have picked that thing up for a lot less at Service Merchandise or something but we weren’t exactly in the market to shop around.

All I know is somehow we made it home and survived the depths of feverish hell. I don’t think we even hooked up the thing until like 2 days later when we both had started to come back out of the woods. But once it was installed “Practical Magic” sure as hell didn’t let me down.

That player just died recently so this past bout with sickness left me movie free. Well, DVD free anyway. Without someone equally as sick to share the sofa with I would have been the sole responsible party to get up and change the DVD in the Xbox. Moving was not an option. In fact, being awake was generally not an option considering I only got one day of America’s Next Top Model.

Luckily I’m a master at the art of locating really bad free movies on cable. Woah.

Good Television?

Today's topic:

A picture of the cast from your favorite show

I proudly admit that I am a product of my generation. Because of that I’m not going to sit here and try to say that the old classics are some of my favorite shows because, frankly, they simply don’t resonate with me. To the moon, you got some ‘splainin’ to do, or beam me up are not what make me tune in every week.

Oh, and anyone who knows me by now knows there’s (as my Wicked Step Mother would say) ‘a better chance of seeing God as we speak’ than me only posting one picture. Enjoy!

I really can’t begin to express my sadness over learning that Perfect Couples is getting kicked to the curb in favor of a new show with some washed up actor who hasn’t been on TV in 20 years. I’m bitter, and begging another network to pick this show up because it really deserves at least three seasons (I’m looking at you USA!). If someone gave it a chance they’d see the perfectly captured dynamic between these six characters. I think the network execs were just afraid because they identified with the “wrong” couple. Matt and I? Dave and Julia, all the way.

Okay, if we’re being 100% honest here I started watching the new Hawaii Five-0 for a couple reasons. First, the original aired in syndication super late night when I was a teenager and it got me through a lot of bouts of insomnia so I wanted to see if this new version measured up. Second, a favorite actor from another show on this list (Daniel Dae Kim) is in it. Finally…seriously, how hot is Alex O’Laughlin? I mean come on! Now I tune in for the witty humor and to place bets if McGarrett will be in cargo khakis with a navy blue tee shirt or a gray tee shirt.

I was twelve when Moonlighting first aired in 1985, probably didn’t get half the jokes, but seriously couldn’t stop laughing at Bruce Willis. A crime show that was also a comedy. They just don’t write ‘em like that these days, it’s all about psychological mind twists and realistic gore not sunglasses and the limbo in the office. A modern day take on (take your pick) “Taming of the Shrew” or “Beauty and the Beast” it sure was fun. Until the second they killed the sexual tension.

How could I not include Sex and the City? They were a little older than I was when it first aired but it couldn’t have resonated more seeing as though I was a single, hard working, slightly crazy, city girl also trying to find love through many (read: way too many) bad dates, relationships, fix ups, etc. If we’re taking the ‘who are you most like’ quiz I’m coming up as Miranda every time.

There was no theme music. There was only a very loose plot at best. There were about 20 actors no one had ever heard of before. There was a beach in Hawaii and a plane crash. And there was Lost. This show definitely was a love it or hate it type of animal. I know a lot of people who couldn’t get past the smoke monster, and that’s understandable it was a quirky plot line. Theology, Godliness, Heaven and Hell and simple, old fashioned true love made this show great. Well that and an encyclopedia’s worth of unanswered questions.

Remember the one with the Yeti? How about the one with the lesbian wedding? Maybe the one when Ross and Rachel took a break was your favorite? No matter which is “The One”, Friends was the one at number one for me. I was living in one of my first apartments (of course mine wasn’t half as nice as theirs but I’m also old enough to distinguish fantasy from reality ya know?) and going through the trials of love, friendship, family, work and life in my early twenties. It was perfectly cast, perfectly written and perfectly captured my generation’s struggle with adapting in a modern world. They grappled with everything from death and disease to marriage, babies, being broke, getting a dream job, making a fool of yourself, making a life for yourself, love, and so much more over the ten seasons it would take an entire blog to list it all. But no matter what they always did it through humor, and the six of them always faced it together. They were more than Friends, they were family.

Some honorable mentions that were close to making this list but I had to bump include Burn Notice, 24 (the first 3 seasons), Biggest Loser, Melrose Place and ER (the first 6 seasons).

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Catch up on anything you missed  30 Photos, 30 Days
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Astral Projectiles

Sometimes I wish there was a time machine, like in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure where George Carlin’s ghost walks up to me and says “Don’t worry about your astronomical cable and internet bill, just hop in this here phone booth and we’ll take you back to 1986 when the price of cable, as compared to your income, was actually way worse.”

Today I spent four hours and 13 minutes communicating in some way, shape or form with my local cable company, Comcast, in order to rectify three issues. Two of which, of course, involved the aforementioned exorbitant bill.

The bill is not even really that high when you consider it is for two services I utilize on a daily basis. Unfortunately the time I spent dealing with the situation is absolutely no exaggeration.

Back in March I received a paper bill from Comcast which brought up the first issue and, unbeknownst to me, became the catalyst for issues 2 & 3 today. You see I had signed up to receive only electronic bills as of last fall, you know, since I’m all tree hugger and stuff, so when the bill came in it had to be dealt with.

Funny thing was our promo rate had expired in January and the rate went to double what it had been. Matt ended up making a call when the dead tree arrived in March and there was an aura of awesomeness on the back indicating we were receiving a $32 credit for bundled service for six months! Outstanding!

Then a few days ago I got another piece of pressed wood pulp in the mail only this time there was no little happy minus sign. In fact there was a big indication that I owed money and that my bill was even higher than it had been after the promo expired.

Say what?

I tried to make sense of it all, I pulled up the bills I had paid and added it all up. I shouldn’t have owed anything and what happened to my favorite symbol; the minus sign? I got online with their chat support team at 9:09 this morning.

The first gal chatted my fingers off for roughly an hour and a half while she tried to figure out what had happened by “reviewing my bills”. Although I had made several attempts to actually tell her what had happened I can only assume she was busy testing out some kind of new hallucinogen as a monkey could have reviewed my bills faster.

In the end I was told she was the Internet chat support person and she would have to transfer me to the Cable chat support person if I had a problem with what the cable portion of my bill was alleging I owed.

Really Karen? You didn’t figure that out when I told you 57 minutes ago that I had a problem with my promo rate for the “Digital Starter” service being revoked? Well okay then I guess I’ll speak with Ann.

Ann, in online chat, looked suspiciously just like Karen. Both of their names were lit up in blue as if they were right there next to each other. Hey, I saw My Best Friend’s Girl, I’m quite sure they probably were.

Regardless, Ann was very helpful and over the next 45 minutes I think she did her laundry, washed her hair and took her dog for a walk between the time she posted anything to me. Most of which was to say “Sorry for the wait.” Though she never really said just what I was waiting for.

In the end Ann assured me that there was nothing she could do about getting my promo rate back for the Cable, nor could she remove the overage on my account and if I wanted to sign up for e-bill I should get online. But she sure could give me a discounted rate on my Internet service and would happily give a $20 credit for my inconvenience.

Really? Was Ann just Karen in disguise or was she truly authorized to talk about both sides of the business? Scandal!

She promptly gave me the local service center number to discuss the credit and I connected first with Richard, who took my number (so he could finish his Sega game no doubt) so he could call me back once he’d researched the issue. Then I got Lou who immediately talked over me without letting me complete a thought. When I’d had enough of his snippy attitude I made the magic request.

“Yeah I need your manager.”

Julie, a sort of good listener who’s propensity to utter m’kay at the end of every sentence reminded me of Mr. Mackey on South Park, took over the call after just five minutes on hold. I was impressed at Lou’s ability to transfer the call in such record time. He even came back on the line to tell me it would just be a minute.

I had furiously scribbled a million notes from my various conversations and even saved the chat transcript because, well frankly, I’m no dummy when it comes to this kind of stuff. I’d come that far, no way I was backing down until all was said and done.

In very patient terms Julie explained how the “new people” weren’t used to the system yet (read: they will be reamed out later for telling the client the wrong thing so the client almost gets to save an extra $34 a month) and that she was truly sorry for the mix up but that I really did owe the previous balance and what my new bill would be once the Internet credit was applied.

In the end Julie’s numbers did add up to the correct figures, even if the situation didn’t, but rather than continue to argue, fight it, or whine about it, I figured it was far better to pick my battles, let this one go and know that the $42.96 they shouldn’t be, but are, getting out of me for the next 4 months will somehow come back to me three fold.

I’ve already got the cheap ass television and remote, wonder if I can pick up a phone booth for $515.52? Maybe I can get a bundled service for cable and internet in there. Excellent.

Broken Thought Process Used To Be On Thursday

It’s a long weekend (Matt has today off) and I am so ready for some geographical space. In fact last night we even looked at hotels in Virginia Beach and considered making the 8 hour drive down there but decided to play Rock Band instead.

With the advent of so many things that bring us together across such large lines it makes me wonder what constitutes community these days. In addition to my local community where I physically reside, there are other areas where it seems community is key -- Facebook, blogger, anywhere that a group of individuals makes up a larger, like minded group. Is it possible to give to all of them? Or better yet, is it necessary?

So I’m lurking around Facebook the other day (which I really shouldn’t do because I’m still on borrowed time) and a friend asked where her best friend was. I knew she wasn’t talking about me but I responded anyway that ‘I was trying to type but my damn life raft just kept floating down the street’. She responded that she was in fact laughing her ass off, although she used the much shortened version of the expression -- lmao. In turn I came close to responding that I had nothing left but humor since my sanity had washed away weeks ago but I thought maybe it would have been a rain joke overkill moment so I just chuckled to myself and decided to use it as a broken thought for today’s post instead.

I would change this theme to Broken Thought Process Friday, since I always seem to post it on Friday, but then I know it wouldn’t get posted until Saturday.

It has been cloudy since June 11; our last day with any recorded sunshine. It is strange how much my inner self needs to see the sun during the day and the moon at night. Now I’m even happier I didn’t let Matt convince me we should live on that houseboat.

Target is the best for inexpensive DVD’s. I’m working on replacing all our videos to DVD and target had a whole bunch of movies at $4.75 and $5.00. Score! My Keanu Reeves collection is just about fully replaced.

By not having cable I discovered the coolest station -- RTV. Every night at 6:00 is The Hulk followed by Knight Rider, The A Team and Magnum P.I.. I’m just waiting to discover what time Hawaii Five-0 is on so I can come full circle.

I raised the height of my drums a little bit and it made such a difference in how I play. Last night I hit a 1313 note streak on a song I had never played before. Yeah-ya.

Recently I have been going through another very uninspired period with my writing. It really drives me crazy when this happens since it is what I am supposed to be doing all day, so when I don’t work on the books it makes me feel like I am not really working at all. In my head I feel like I’m not contributing to the family and I really despise that. Sure I blog or maybe write a HubPages article but those things are not why I stay home to work, they are not my goal. Blogs and articles I can whip out in a very short period of time with minimal edits and post them online, but the novels are completely different animals. They are living and breathing things and if I don’t feed them once in a while they will just wither away. I feel like it’s been far too long since I’ve tossed them any scraps. It is time to get my head back into those characters and complete their journeys.

Too much to do this weekend now that we’re sticking around close to home and not enough time to do it all if I keep writing so catch you all on the flip side home skillitz. Sorry, just bought (& watched again) Juno.

Um, yeah I totally forgot to link up to the other BTPT gurus...not cool man, not cool.
Ginger, Bridgete, Bree, KC, Kate