Sunday, April 10, 2011

Getting Through It

I turn thirty eight in a couple months. To some of you that might not sound very old and in reality I agree with you, but I just keep thinking that at this age my mom had a fourteen and eleven year old.

(Good fracking Lord, I can not even begin to imagine what my life would be like if I had a teenager. I mean I’d most likely be on welfare seeing as though our apartment barely holds us and we pretty much just get by with necessities. Well, either welfare or I’d be dead of cancer by age 50 because of all the chemicals in the cheap crappy food I’d have to eat so my baby could have a chance at eating healthy…)

Regardless, when I went to my first prom my mom is in some of those pictures with me and is about the same age as I am now.

My twenty year high school reunion is coming up this fall and I just keep thinking ‘but I’m not old yet, right?’ I keep having to remind myself that middle age is just a big load of crap no matter what we read in my Psych class that age 35-65 is considered middle age.

Really, Psych books? Sixty five? I can’t peg any 130 year olds that’s for sure, but I have known quite a few seventy six year olds so that just reinforces my thoughts that its all a quick slide downhill from here for me. Sorry sixty five year olds, I’ll be catching up much sooner than I’m comfortable with, believe me.

As I look back over this first half of life I’ve led, there isn’t anything particularly earth shattering or grandiose that I’ve done. I was born, got picked on in grammar school, made new friends in junior high, had a steady boyfriend through high school, did sports, went to work, withdrew from college, moved in with a boy, ran a retail establishment, drank and danced way too many weekends away, moved out on my own, had a lot of sex, met & married Matt, renovated a 150 year old house, started a company, wrote a couple manuscripts, filed bankruptcy and skidded into today with a lot more gray hairs than I had twenty years ago.

My chest hurts just thinking about it all.

But not to worry, not having a heart attack, just a little heartache for how quickly life really does pass by I guess.

So as I look back over all of these times in my life there have been a vast number of people who have been there with me through certain things. But, I rarely asked for help dealing with stuff. I liked to just kind of live my life according to my own terms and requesting advice or accepting assistance from others meant I was living according to how they wanted me to live, not how I saw my own life going.

In the end, I guess, to answer today’s request for a photo -- a picture of the person who has gotten you through the most -- I have to go with, me.


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8 comments:

KC McAuley said...

Good for you, Jenn. You have gotten yourself through - and you will continue to get yourself through. And people like me will continue to be happy to be in your life.

Linda Myers said...

You sound pretty normal to me. Having a good, interesting life, and content for the most part. Lucky you!

Judi FitzPatrick said...

In the end, one can only count on one's self - you chose well for this day!
Love, Mum

Bridgete said...

Excellent choice.

#1Nana said...

Jenn,
Greetings from advanced middle age, 60. I am living proof that middle age isn't much different than youth. If we're lucky, we just have more disposable income!

Good choice for today's post...

Almost Precious said...

There are a lot of 38 year olds out there who could take a page from your philosophy book. Too many of them ran home to mom and dad every time they stubbed their toe. Life's rough but it's real and it's all we have and you've made the most out of what it gave you. That's the way to go !

draagonfly said...

38... psssh. That's nothing. :)

You look fantastic and think of all the good times you've had, ice cream you've enjoyed, cool people you've met, awesome events you've attended... if you look at it from the perspective of your Memory's Album, you've accomplished more than most by 38! Woohoo!

Joan said...

Oh yes, time goes fast. I don't look back too often. Only from the perspective of thinking about the good memories.
I talk to 70 - 90 year olds every day. At 52, they say I am a youngin. :)