So there are those who will ask, if I don’t have an impassioned reaction as strong as hate, then how can I have the opposite reaction of the blazing strength of love? In many ways I would have to agree with the theory that you can’t have one without the other.
Call me a middle of the road kind of gal, peace keeper, anti-boat rocker, or any other made up turn of phrase to describe someone who just enjoys life on a nice even keel and there you’ll have me.
It isn’t to say that the words ‘ooh I hate ‘blah-blah-blah!’ don’t come out of my mouth every so often. It happens. In fact I think it was just this morning that I was cursing out my current, completely disjointed, overly expectant class and I all but guarantee the word hate was used. Likely multiple times with a whole bunch of curse words attached.
But I don’t really feel that way. More like completely irritated with it. Why? Because in six days it’s over and I never have to take it again, I get my A and move on. It doesn’t stick around to poke me over and over again with its annoying, chubby finger. I never have to see it, hear about it or experience it again.
I guess that means I really feel that to actually hate something it needs to be a constant in your life. Much like love, it needs to be there all the time or at the very least a constant reminder. For example, I’d say out loud that I love “The Goonies” and with just about every single cell in my body that word love rings true. I know all the lines by heart, have the poster on my wall, etc., etc. It is something that has been in my life for a long time and warms me inside to think of it. To me that’s one expression of love (but it isn’t tomorrow’s selection so don’t think of it as a preview).
So, with that in mind I keep sitting here thinking about what makes me cold inside. What, as a constant in my life, turns my heart to stone and my veins to ice? What do I detest so vehemently that I could truthfully use the word hate to describe its very existence in my world?
No matter how long I stewed, how long I tossed around all the things, places, people, events that I have a mild distaste for, only one kept bubbling up to the surface. It made me laugh to think of it. It was so clearly obvious. All of you probably figured it out long before I did.
It’s winter.
Snowy, icy, have to wear 800 layers just to walk to the car, slush in your shoe, nowhere left to pile the white crap that falls from the sky, fuck its freezing, there aren’t enough blankets to keep warm, even turning the heat up doesn’t cut it, damn it is that shit ever ugly as hell after a couple cars drive by, there is no such thing as blue skies, sunshine comes with 50 mph gusting winds, my fucking eyeballs have frozen inside their sockets, hot chocolate ain’t even cutting through the ache in my bones, abso-fucking-lutely hate you, winter.
No shock, no surprise right? It surprised me that it took so long to come up with it, honestly. I kept thinking about how there isn’t anything in my life that I detest so fervently that it would still be in my life so I can say I hate it. But until this moment, clearly there is.
Then I stopped to think. After all the mind bending, tumbling around, attempting to come up with something that irritates me to the level of hate, if all I could come up with was winter’s snowy, icy, cold and clutching grasp then in a little less than three months from now I’ll be free of all hate in my world!
Sure Phoenix gets their own version of winter and after a few summers at 115 I’m quite sure that the 40’s and 50’s will feel quite cold. But no way on this earth will it ever look like that picture up there. And if it does there won’t be any room left to hate because the world will surely be coming to an end so I'll be enjoying my last few minutes with a whole lot of love thank you very much.
The countdown to the end of hate is on -- ten weeks and five days…
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock…
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5 comments:
So true ! Hate is a very strong word but it's one we tend to use often and not even think about. Like saying; "Oh crap, my computer just froze up again...I hate when that happens!"
Though I have a number of things on my "dislike" list I don't have much on my "can't abide", "absolutely detest", "hate with a passion" list. Though I must say I do hate the fact that I can not eat avocados as I've grown allergic to them - aggravating as all hell as I do so enjoy a good guacamole dip or a good avocado and tuna salad, or guacamole on my enchiladas. :(
I relate to being a middle of the road kind of gal too.
Look forward to hearing more.
A sleave of shortbread cookies, wine, Amos Lee, Josh Radin, Train, Old Crow Medicine Show, and you....it's been a fun time. :)
I hate child abusers and sexual predators and sociopathic ass holes. Really, I do. I don't hate winter though. :)
Hahahahaha! SOOOO true! That really is the ONE thing that you actually hate!
I have the opposite problem. I can come up with a huge list of things I hate, and a few people too. I also agree with Ginger's list, except I hate winter too.
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