Thursday, January 13, 2011

Details Schmetails

When I woke up on 1/11/11 I became a non smoker. Again. Technically I guess you could say it happened on 1/10/11 seeing as though I flicked my last cigarette at about 11:30 that night but details schmetails.

This is the umpteenth time I’ve tried to quit, as anyone who has read this blog long enough knows, but I have a feeling this one might just stick because I’m really tired of gasping through my workouts. When we joined the P90X family last year Matt & I decided that upon completing our first twelve week round we were going to quit. So quit we did!

I tend to be a hypocrite in a whole bunch of areas of my life -- calling myself Green but turning the heat up any chance I can get, eating healthier yet still smoking -- so I guess this is the first step in trying to rectify that problem.

Okay, technically that isn’t entirely true. I first started to correct it by saying I wanted to write novels full time and then actually began the process of querying Agents to have my manuscript published. That is working out pretty good as I just had an agency request to read the first two chapters of the book based on just the query. I sent that along the other day and will wait the prescribed two-three months for a reply. It might be a request for more, it might not, but either way interest is being generated and I’m thrilled.

Thankfully they didn’t request the synopsis seeing as though I still haven’t had the mental capacity to turn 230 pages into 20. I guess sometimes I also work better under pressure so I’ll do it when I have to.

Maybe that’s not the best solution but it’s all I got right now so it’ll have to do.

Smoking has been a part of my life for all of my life in some capacity or another as most of my relatives on my dad’s side were smokers before I was even born and some still are now. I started at about age fourteen in a casual, social way but really became a smoker at eighteen. That was when I graduated high school and was no longer involved in sports.

I’m starting to see the connection to athleticism and inability to wheeze while in the midst of that athletic activity. Shocker, I know.

Plus that’s almost twenty years ago now. Scary thought that I’ve been poisoning myself for that long. With so many other changes afoot this one should be a no brainer. Something I don’t even have to think about because it just makes sense.

But that’s the very place I start to go mad -- my mind. The body is almost out of the physical withdrawal symptoms now and chewing the replacement gum has helped with that a lot but last night I was definitely in the bargaining phase in my head. ‘If I could only be that type of person who has a smoke just after dinner…’ But I can’t. So I won’t.

Matt is using the patch and so far he seems to be doing okay too. I think he’s been at it almost as long as me so I’m sure he’s going through a lot of the same internal stuff I am. We’re trying not to be cranky or take it out on each other. So we pretty much haven’t said boo to each other in the past three days.

That would be okay in most situations seeing as though he goes to work outside the house but yesterday he worked from home because of our second “blizzard” in as many weeks and I think we said about three words to each other all day. I just chewed a lot of gum and focused on my class while he rubbed his shoulder under the patch and focused on his job.

Speaking of, my first class is going pretty well, it’s a Psychology course though (which usually escapes me) and I’m already looking forward to my next class, Genres of Literature or something like that. In this one we’re studying all manner of human development and how physical, mental and social aspects in our lives directly relate to how we grow and shift as adults.

Socially I don’t really hang out with any other smokers on a consistent basis, besides Matt, so that’s helpful and physically I’m tired of experiencing the negative effects of it on my body so, again, that is an easy jump. Like I said, it’s all in my head now.

And I will move past it, I just know its going to take some time.

10 comments:

KC McAuley said...

Good for you (and Matt) If you see me with a cigarette, then I've had too much to drink. :-) I'm from a family of smokers and all my siblings are finally smoke free. It's not easy, but I know you can do it!!

Rosebud Collection said...

You both will do good, because you want to succeed. My mother use to smoke 2packs of Camels a day..One day she said that was it and that was it..she never smoked again. Now you may say..well, her mother had strong will power..She did once she made her mind up..but mom was a person, that would start to shake when down to her last two cigs..we had to run downtown and quickly buy her some backups.We would laugh at her if she was out..she would be looking at her cig.butts in the ashtray .Never in my life would I have believed she could do it..so let me say this Jenn..You/Matt are going to be fine..
Weather was awful..we got over a foot..you were worse..I don't blame you for going to AZ..I am so sick and tired of being in the cold..But now from your blog report below..I am thankful for being warm..
Sending love/Rosebud/Carolyn

Almost Precious said...

As you said it's all in your head now and the head can be a pretty tough place. Hang in there and when you hear those little demons in your head telling you to cave in, you tell them where they can shove it. Wishing you and Matt the best of success in this resolution.

#1Nana said...

Congratulations on the request for chapters! That's so exciting...and proof that you're making a good decision to commit to writing.

Congrats too on quitting smoking. It took me several tries to make it stick. The last time I did it with an Adventist stop smoking program...my second time through the one week class. But, it worked and I've been smoke free for over 20 years. Day 3 was the hardest for me...after that it's all downhill! Best of luck.
Jann

Joan said...

Congrats on the request from the agency.
Wishing you the best with getting through. I haven't tried quitting, but I can only imagine...tough.
Stay warm. :)

Karen said...

I smoked for 15 years and quit 25 years ago - best thing I ever did. Oh, and I didn't just quit *once* either... it took several tries. Good luck to you both :)

Bridgete said...

You will do it! 1/11/11 bodes well for you too.

I never started because of my singing so I don't know what to say about the process of quitting. What I do know is that it's certainly a process, I have several friends who went through several rounds of quitting before one finally stuck. And I really don't think there's any one way to do it, you just have to keep trying until you finally succeed. Good luck! ♥

Judi FitzPatrick said...

Hope it's still going well. You, and Matt, can do anything you really want to do.
Hugs and love, Mum

Linda Myers said...

Good news on your book!

I got tired of quitting, finally made it. Even now, after 20 years smoke free, every now and then my head tells me just one cigarette sounds good.

I wait out the thought.

Suldog said...

Best of luck, Jenn. I'm still hovering between 10 and 15 a day, after being over a pack for years and years and years. Have gone a day without, but little more, here and there. Tough one to break, harder than cocaine, easily (personal experience.)