En la Puesta de Sol

Pretty much all the Spanish I know I retained by repeatedly watching the scene where Mouth translates to Rosalita for Mrs. Walsh in The Goonies. And also, of course, Sesame Street. Which means I can muddle my way through the Español version of ‘One, two, three, four, please can I have some cocaine & heroin so I don’t have to lock you in the closet for two weeks without food or water? Thank you, friend!’, but anything else is a stretch.

So when I found myself sitting home on a Saturday afternoon with nothing better to watch than The Day After Tomorrow on the Spanish channel (seriously, not even some really good infomercials, WTF?), I knew it was time to start writing again.

Either that or maybe I should just learn Spanish so I have a clue what they’re saying.

Without understanding the words during the commercials, I rely on pictures, inflections and facial expressions to tell me what’s going on. What I discovered is the Spanish population is really excited about everything that’s for sale, and most often I was told how much they love their Fiber One cereal.

I was proud of myself that I completely understood that ‘ochenta cero dos ochos uno ochenta cero cero’ meant 800-881-8000. Maybe more sunk in than I originally imagined back in high school.

It isn’t as difficult to figure out what’s going on during the movie because I know it pretty well, but not well enough to quote it (like The Goonies). It’s cool to watch knowing the premise and general storyline though. I can just listen and try to pick up some words without having to strain too much.

This is the way I want to relate myself to the world of being a writer -- not really understanding much about the process, but a fairly avid reader who is still, for some reason, drawn to it. Enough to keep pushing forward, even though I often feel like I’m flailing about in confusion and haven’t yet made any real progress.

I guess there’s a learning curve with every new job I’ve ever done so this is that time for me when I look down at my business card that says ‘Writer’ and I wonder what in the world I’m doing. But then I remember that what I’m doing is what I always wanted to do so a few learning experiences in the process shouldn’t throw me for that big a loop. Right?

Hell, I was the co-manager of a Victoria’s Secret store for two years and when I started there not only did I have no clue how to fold a bra (yes, there is in fact a correct way) but all my skivvies came from Bradlees.

Now when I go into Vicky’s, I can easily spot who the shoplifters will be and sell not only a new bra and matching panties to whomever I’m with, but also a bottle of body lotion as if I still worked there. Not to mention if the employee in the front room doesn’t say hello as I enter, I want to call the president to report them.

How’s that for embedded into the company culture, seeing as though it’s about ten years since I left that job. Plus I will never wear cheap undergarments again, that much I know after working for a foundations company.

The one thing I know with absolute certainty when it comes to visual media, however, is that I have a soft spot for happy endings. Okay, it isn’t so much a soft spot as a twisted need to have everyone ride off into a sunset and live happily ever after. Yeah, and not always metaphorically speaking either.

Seriously, a setting sun in the final scene of a movie is so cliché but from all I’ve seen in this world, the more commonplace, comforting and familiar, the more it tends to resonate. In other words, I just don’t care if a 75 foot wall of water wipes out most of lower Manhattan then freezes the entire northern hemisphere, as long as those helicopters arrive to pick up Jake, Dennis and all their smiling friends at the end. As they pan out, there better be some orange in the sky reflecting off the snowy white backdrop or there is no satisfaction for me.

I would end every single movie exactly how Grease ended with the teenage sweethearts literally flying into the sunset and waving, smiling in perfection of perfectness, to everyone they are leaving behind as they head off to make their perfect way in the perfect world. Sigh.

And I always cry at the end of cheesy teen movies where the protagonist and antagonist both discover themselves, discover that they are now best friends (and make no apologies for it) so the entire school falls in love with them, even though everyone picked on them incessantly for the first hour and forty minutes (Can we say Made: The Movie anyone?).

The ‘going after what they want and coming out the other side smiling’ spirit forces the liquid salt every time. Even in Spanish, “we’re saved!” is the most recognizable human emotion to register on the face and my belly gets all warm and squishy.

Now I am at this place where I have to keep pushing for publishing of my first manuscript, to have my own ‘go for it’ moment if you will, but in less than sixty days NaNo begins and I start the process all over again.

Wait, what? I have to start writing another one before the first one has come to any sort of resolution?

Well, in short, yeah. After all, someone who doesn’t keep writing doesn’t make a very good writer do they? Huh. Funny how that works.

So now what? Now I have to come up with an entirely new cast of characters that I can channel into a whole slew of words while still keeping the old ones inside. This directly competes with what an old boss once called my ‘completion syndrome’. She was so right.

All I really want is for my first cast to be released into their happily ever after, their sunset. To go get a beer and watch a game and forget all about any of the troubling situations I forced them to experience for 200 some odd pages because they are ready for the world to see that they do in fact live happily ever after. (Seriously, it doesn’t really ruin the ending to tell you that most of them do, if you read this post you already pretty much know that’s going to happen so I make no apologies because it really isn’t a spoiler now is it?)

But life rolls like that sometimes, if I try to follow all the rules so stringently I’ll never really get anywhere. I’m the one who taught me that (or was it Ferris?); I said those words once or twice some time ago, long enough ago to feel like forever.

Of course at the time I was probably referring to why I was speeding or weaving in traffic, but why quibble over little details like that right?

In the spirit of being a writer I’m coming back to this blog again full force this fall. In fact I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about all the balls I tossed about. The ones I spontaneously threw up into the air before I learned to juggle.

Yeah, those balls. Not the ones I need to make it in the literary world. Those I already have, in droves thank you very much.

I still don’t know how to juggle so it’s pretty much inevitable that a whole bunch of them are going to have to hit the ground. Which, after months (maybe years or even decades if I’m being really honest with myself) of trying to head-butt all the ones I couldn’t hold just to keep them airborne, I have to say isn’t bothering me as much as I thought it would.

All the ones I find still in my arms, after dropping my chin and abandoning the ones barely escaping gravity, are the ones I’m keeping close. I’m not positive of all the things that will fall just yet and that doesn’t even freak me out. Probably because I haven’t had to let go of them yet but again, details.

Guess I’ll just decide later if I’m interested enough in the Spanish channel’s weekend programming to learn more than sentences containing illicit drug names. Maybe I’ll check out a few more Jake Gyllenhaal movies while I mull it over. Donnie Darko had a happy ending right?

100 Things About Me

As stolen from Suldog. OK not stolen so much as borrowed. OK not borrowed so much as…well…whatever. As you can probably surmise from the title, this is a list of 100 random bits about me. Probably doesn’t need much explanation past that huh? Other than it is long (very long) there isn’t much more to say. Enjoy!

1. I’m a 37 year old Cancerian with one sister and two parents, plus a bunch of other awesome family members and friends, and one smashing husband.
2. The band I have seen live the most times is Godsmack, next would be Melissa Ferrick. I think. In fact I’m not at all sure they haven’t flip-flopped at this point. Both are local to Boston and used to play here a lot. Well Ferrick still does, Godsmack is pretty big now.
3. The beach at the ocean is my comfort spot.
4. Finally, I decided on what my first 2 tattoos will be. Yes two. One for each of the grandparents I had a special bond with. Now I just need to find the right person to do it. Took suggestions from friends & waiting to hear back from a few places. Also saving money first because tats are freaking expensive.
5. The smells of skunk, dog poo, wet cat and vomit are among the most vile on the planet.
6. One of my favorite feelings in the world is napping in something cozy after a shower after a day at the beach.
7. My birthday is my favorite holiday. For mass appeal holidays though it would probably be a tie between New Year’s and Halloween.
8. I hate walking over those metal grates on the street, it nerves me that I can see (and sometimes can’t see) what’s down below. When I can’t see, I just hope I didn’t wear a skirt that day.
9. My first novel is complete. I want it to be published and seeking representation now.
10. I love food. Just about any kind of food, from fast food to shooshy and everything in between.
11. Is my favorite number. It has been since I was about 7 or 8 years old. When digital clocks came out & there was all this talk about 11:11 having some kind of meaning I was like, ‘well duh!?!’ but that’s only because it always had meaning to me. I look at a clock at exactly 11:11 about 6 times a week.
12. I also seem to look at the VCR clock at 9:11 just about every night that I’m home.
13. Yes I still have a VCR & video tapes.
14. I really don’t like exercising at all but like having a somewhat slim frame. My job is a beautiful way to get fit without realizing it is even happening.
15. I miss my sister every day & wish we lived closer to each other.
16. I’ve been writing for about 22 years in some form or another. Mostly it’s been drivel that fills my brain spewing into a journal, which I only write in pen.
17. It shocks me that Matt has put up with my freak show as long as he has and I couldn’t appreciate him more for it.
18. I love to clean my house. When it is sparkling and shiny I feel accomplished and calm. I almost never clean my car though (the outside anyway, the inside is generally spotless all the time). This is why I prefer silver cars.
19. I make a killer banana bread.
20. Yes, I am still (rather, again) smoking. Oh well. That’s just me right now so if you can’t deal then I guess we don’t need to be.
21. I’ve got a soft spot for mint chocolate anything.
22. I’ve been working on this list for about 2 hours already. I’m jumping around and filling in random numbers which I think I mention in another fact somewhere. I have no idea how many are left to fill in. This is what a lazy Sunday is all about though.
23. Since I was about 14 or 15 I’ve saved every stub from the movies, concerts, shows, museums and sporting events I’ve been to. A lot of them are scrapbooked already but this is a project I want to keep up with as the years go on. It is fun to look back and say ‘oh yeah I forgot about that show!’
24. I use the word ‘wicked’ to add punctuation to adjectives because I’m from Boston and it’s ingrained at birth.
25. I used to be quite the trendy dresser, a fashionista in my own way. Now just about everything I own is made from cotton and has paint on it. All but 4 pairs of high heels were retired.
26. Rock Band 3 is coming out later this year and I can’t wait, there is an optional keyboard so you know what that means. The Doors. Oh yeah!
27. As a teenager I used to use nothing but blue, PaperMate, ball point pens. Now I can’t stand blue ink. When I look back through old journals all the ink has bled outward & the pages yellow that much faster. Only black ink for me now!
28. I just joined a bunch of friends in an online book club. Our first book for August is “Eat Pray Love” and I can’t wait to read it then chat about it with such a smart group of gals. Want to join us? C’mon over!
29. Sean Astin is still my favorite male actor of all time. But Edward Norton…oh Edward Norton…
30. I participated in the sport of gymnastics from age 7 to 18. When I watch it now I have no concept of how the new scoring system works.
31. If there is trash (especially plastic) on the beach or the street in front of my house I will pick it up and recycle it at home.
32. I really, really, REALLY can’t stand: U2, REM, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles and most rap music made after 1994. But there is at least one song from each of the aforementioned bands that I can tolerate: “Sunday, Bloody Sunday”, “It’s the End of the World…”, “Wild Horses” and “In My Life”.
33. I typed out all the numbers 1-100 for this before writing anything. Except this particular one. I didn’t stop at 33 for any real reason, it just seemed like a good time to take a break from counting.
34. The most important elements of a really quality movie to me, in order, are: script, editing, cast, everything else.
35. White noise drives me batty after a while. Sometimes I like to turn off the fan and just sit in the silence that exists afterwards.
36. My favorite animal as a kid was a pig. I guess if I had to pick one now I’d probably go with a bear.
37. Top five Christmas related movies of all time (in no particular order): The Ref, Love Actually, A Christmas Story, Just Friends and The Family Stone
38. I’m one of those annoyingly peppy and optimistic people most of the time but when I get moody I go very dark. I try to channel it into my writing most of the time.
39. I should be painting right now but this seemed like more fun.
40. Bugs and I are not friends. Except lady bugs and dragonflies, they’re relatively harmless and cool.
41. I spent a good year of my early twenties in clubs every Thursday, Friday & Saturday night. On special weeks we went on Sundays too. This is because I love to dance. And I prefer to dance sober. This never went over well with guys who wanted to get me drunk; when they asked what they could get me I told them a bottle of water. Probably why I never went home with club guys.
42. Some random survey generator thingie once told me that my life’s theme song is “Bittersweet Symphony” which, if true, could explain my jaded and cynical side. Of course another one of those things once told me I’d be married and have 2 kids by age 24 so who can believe survey generator thingies anyway.
43. I usually don’t share my drama. Like if Matt & I are fighting only Matt & I will usually know about it. People have enough of their own shit to deal with, I don’t feel right about burdening them with mine.
44. I’ve always wanted to drive a race car.
45. The internet, as a part of my life, is both a blessing and a curse at times.
46. Coffee is like a life-blood for me, but while I used to drink it non-stop now I only have my one cup in the morning. It started to make my stomach ache so I figured it was for the best to cut back.
47. The only genre of movie I really can’t sit through is horror/thriller with gore, with special effects being so realistic I have nightmares for weeks.
48. I left the house for a while and came back so now The Breakfast Club is on. Definitely one of those movies of my youth, know it by heart and still feel 14 every time I watch it.
49. I drink about 60 ounces of water a day.
50. My favorite sport to watch is football and it, along with hot chocolate and baked goods of course, is the only redeeming quality of winter in New England.
51. When drinking alcohol I prefer a Porter (for beer), Pino Noir or Cape Codders.
52. When I was about 16 I used to write letters (yes with a pen & paper) and made a few pen pals. I still keep in touch with one of the first pen pals I ever made. He’s a great guy, married with a child & lives in the Midwest. Matt & I even went to their wedding.
53. Bloggy friends remind me that its possible to get to know someone strictly through their writing and I have got to be honest, the blog friends I’ve made are the best on the planet! Not that I’m biased or anything.
54. Many of my blog friends I met through a Jason Mraz’s blog. I started reading the comments & people who really seemed to read then comment on his posts (they wrote a little more than the standard ‘OMG I love you!!!!!’ type stuff), I started reading too. It is a dream of mine that someday in some secret Pentavirate, at The Meadows, we will all meet so we can finally take over the world. Mwah-hahahahaha!!!
55. I’ve been to Walt Disney World four times but only once as a kid.
56. I love pedicures but only if I do it. Some stranger touching my feet wigs me out.
57. Green is a description I would use to describe myself but a green thumb, not so much.
58. I’ve moved just about once a year since I was 19. That’s about 18 different apartments. Wow, that’s a gypsy soul if there ever was one.
59. I am a visual thinker. For example, if someone tells a story about being T-boned in a car I can actually see the scene playing out inside my head as if I’m watching a movie. This can be good and bad. Good because I think it makes me a better writer, bad because while my mind is progressing with the scene I tend to miss a lot of what the person talking is saying.
60. I start every morning with a cup of coffee, cup of yogurt & cup of blended fruit juice.
61. I filled in the 100 things in completely random order so who knows where certain things will fall. I didn’t want anyone to think that I prioritize number 14 over number 87. Though I might, I don’t know what 87 is yet. OK there are a few in a row that are stream of consciousness, true. But mostly it’s typical of this blog -- random lunacy!
62. I used to be very lazy and a professional procrastinator. Anyone who has met me in the last ten years will not believe this statement but it is indeed fact.
63. Travel is one of my favorite activities. I’ve been to seven countries so far - US, Canada, Mexico, Ireland, Bahamas, Netherlands & Belgium - and I hope to add more some day. Soon.
64. Last year Matt and I filed for bankruptcy. In fact, we’re coming up on our 1 year Broke-No-More-A-Versary! No I am not ashamed or too proud to share this with the world. In fact I want as many people to know as possible so they don’t make similar mistakes in their own lives. To see how it all went terribly wrong, refer to my series Labor of Love.
65. Despite what I share here or other places I’m actually a fairly private person.
66. I used to carry a pair of tweezers around with me everywhere.
67. When I was a kid I dreamed about being discovered by some random Hollywood big shot as we passed on the street.
68. Sometimes when I notice my OCD is getting out of control I force myself to do something different. A good example is inside my kitchen cabinets. Most of the time they look like the husband wanted them to be in that movie Sleeping With the Enemy so when it annoys me that I’ve got everything lined up just so, I’ll shove a few of them to be less particular.
69. Daffodils are my favorite flower.
70. I want to learn how to sew clothes so I can always make my own and never have to worry about that whole being short with a booty thing.
71. I learned to swim about the same time I learned to walk. My Grampa taught me and it was in the ocean.
72. Scrabble is my favorite board game.
73. My favorite movie of all time is The Goonies. You have no idea how badly I wanted to find a buried treasure when I was a kid.
74. So far all the graphics for my company branding have been constructed by my mom and I designed my own logo for Chucka Stone Designs.
75. Next year Matt and I are planning to move to Cape Cod. I can not wait to live at the beach again!
76. This is a lot more difficult than I thought it was going to be at first. Which is really weird because 100 things shouldn’t be that much to come up with, but maybe it’s because I’m trying not to tell the same stories I already told before.
77. I have no credit cards and will keep it that way.
78. Typing is fine to get thoughts out quickly but when I edit I prefer to do it by hand. Reading my edits might make a person’s head spin because I use circled paragraphs & long sinewy arrows to point to the place they are supposed to be inserted, or a circled letter next to a particularly long entry and the corresponding circled letter in the spot where it’s supposed to go. Sometimes it makes my head spin trying to sort it out.
79. If you’re actually still reading this list I love you even more!
80. I think the real reason why I haven’t moved to southern California yet is because I will miss Bianchi’s pizza too much.
81. There are days when I feel like a fish out of water, even doing things I know by heart. I guess that’s how life works sometimes though.
82. I miss blogging regularly, this is kind of cool and might even produce a few gems that I could expand on later. Like that, thanks Jim!
83. I am too afraid of sharks to swim in the ocean now. I won’t start doing it again until I completely stop eating ocean fish. I figure if I don’t eat their food supply then they don’t have to eat me.
84. Originally Matt and I wanted to fly off to Vegas and get married in a pink Cadillac by some Elvis impersonator but we opted to do it at the American Legion where my Gramp had been a member forever instead. It was a blast, probably in the top three days of my life. The eight years since ain’t been too shabby neither.
85. Bad faux makes me cringe. Physically.
86. Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy.
87. The fact that Katy Perry is now famous solely because she is a sort of attractive girl who sang a song about kissing another girl, makes me sad for the race of humanity. And it made me want to use something other than cherry flavored Chapstick for a while. But I decided screw that, I was using that flavor for decades before her silly song came out so why should I change when she’s the one who sucks?
88. Anyone who loves ‘Michael…Bolton?’ will immediately understand the reference in #87. One of my favorite movies of all time.
89. I am a movie & music quoter. I’m comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life.
90. My mom once told me that I should write a movie script using nothing but quotes from other movies. I think she’s onto something there.
91. I’m thinking about looking for a writer’s group around here somewhere. Maybe something small where we could just write and chat and get inspired by each other.
92. Its kind of freaking me out to think that NaNoWriMo is only 77 days away but I can’t wait to get started on the next one.
93. My favorite color is purple.
94. Yes, I inhaled. No, I’ve never done anything else.
95. I want to start exploring a lot of classic movies and Netflix has so many good ones but now I’m in this major reading phase so this will probably be a good ‘stay inside with hot chocolate this winter’ kind of activity.
96. This number left blank on purpose.
97. I didn’t have any sugar until I was about 2 years old.
98. I love being an Auntie but don’t see my nephews nearly as often as I should.
99. Channels and nothing’s on.
100. Watching (and subsequently picking on) infomercials is one of my all time favorite Sunday morning activities. (Except in the fall/winter, then it’s watching SportsCenter).

I Am A Writer.

Those are four of the most difficult, and yet easiest, words I’ve ever said out loud. My manuscript hasn’t been accepted yet, and I’m not upset or surprised by that considering I’ve only sent out three queries so far, but with a very lengthy piece of fiction that hasn’t been published, I’m finding it hard to own what I do.

When people ask me what I do for a living I always say some variation of “I run a company that focuses on decorative faux finish treatments.” It sounds great and all, and it certainly helps pay the bills so technically the ‘for a living’ part is satisfied. The ‘what do you do’ part however…well, what I really want is to utter the words ‘I Write’, it just feels awkward right now.

When I do find myself saying it to a random stranger, I feel like a fraud. Is that weird? I don’t know, maybe it is but I just don’t feel like its real.

I started querying Literary Agents about a week ago and it has been exciting and fun to research their current clients, titles and information. While researching I have discovered a few authors in my own genre (Contemporary Women’s Fiction, or Chick-Lit) that I plan to check out of the library this week and read. If they have a similar enough plot to mine I can mention the titles to the agents I query as proof that I’m a ‘do your homework’ kind of writer.

As a first time author, the stakes are much higher in getting published. Or so I’m told. I don’t know how true that is considering my library holds thousands, upon thousands of books and all of those authors had to be published for the first time too, right?

Not to mention, the times they are a-changin’ and getting published, touring a book and having some agency roll out a red carpet for a quality author’s book signing have fallen away in the face of social media marketing and modern technology. I bet there are even web conference style book readings nowadays where there is a link for the viewer to purchase a signed copy of the book direct from the author while they listen. And if there aren’t yet, I’m sure it’s in the works.

This isn’t to say I will give up querying, far from it. I’m not dejected after a single rejection, and two additional well crafted letters that I haven’t heard on just yet. Please. My skin is far thicker than that.

It just seems like a lot of the marketing and whatnot falls on an author these days so why shouldn’t I just self publish and market it through word of mouth or social networking? Isn’t that what I’d be doing after a publishing house releases it into the wild in a year (or more depending who takes it) anyway?

So if I do self publish, buy my own ISBN, choose the artist for my cover art and spread the word either through this blog or other sources, what difference does it make? Is it more secure to have an agent? Does it really have that much stronger of a chance at being noticed by a lot of people if it goes through a house? Do I even want it to expand that wide?

Ugh, too many questions.

I guess I’m just anxious to be able to own it.