I Stopped Blogging Because I Started Blogging

Here’s the thing, I love writing over here. This space was my first internet presence that was truly me. No filter, no holding back.

But that was back when I was a different kind of writer. Now I blog for a living. Or write blogs for other people for a living, more specifically. So to me it feels weird to blog in my spare time.

Instead, that time has been filled with lots of family and friend time, sports…okay, specifically hockey both live & NHL playoffs on TV, and just living life in general. Which, in the past, I always came over here to blog about.

Crazy, now I write more words a week than I ever did when I was writing fiction (NaNoWriMo excluded) but can’t find time to write about the stuff I want to write about. You know, Me. Just kidding. No I’m not…

Sometimes it makes me sad that I gave up on writing for fun (or to rant or whatever) because that kind of writing is always so cathartic. But now I freelance for income so, like I said, writing more is sometimes a stretch.

Can I confess something? This is the fifth post I’ve started writing to go up over here in the past two or three weeks. I get to about 400 words and can’t keep going. Not because the thought is complete or the story is done  but because I can’t figure out how to complete the thought. Five half written posts are getting moldy in a folder on my computer somewhere.

And I really have no idea if I’ll be able to finish this one either but something tells me I will.

Because today I’m supposed to be writing pitches to a bunch of Green companies offering my blogging services.

Then again, if I want to keep that paycheck showing up every week maybe I should continue working. Guess that's what got me into this situation of not writing over here in the first place, huh?

And it all comes full circle.

This one isn’t even going to come close to 400 words. But somehow it feels finished anyway.

How Cute are You Thinking I Have Time for Personal Stuff!

I swear, if I start one more blog post talking about how I don’t have time to blog, read blogs, comment on blogs I’m just going to…

Um…

Probably do nothing because I don’t even have time to turn this car around.

And I just became an old person from the '80's. Super.

So how has your month been? Mine has been recoculously busy. But you knew that since I’ve managed to fall off the face of the blogosphere. Again. Or Still. I’m not sure which applies here. Maybe both.

Anyway, I’d obviously know how all of you are doing if I got my ass over to blogger every once in a while to read stuff. And I miss all of you. And I’m sorry I had to let something slip when work picked up. And I’m sorry that was this blog.

Because want to know a secret? I enjoy writing over here and reading about everyone’s everything far more than any of the work I’m doing right now.

Okay so it wasn’t really a secret. I guess the real secret is to be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.

I wished I could make money blogging and writing. And poof! After only a year of head pounding and 5 years of pushing myself to the breaking point I finally make enough to buy groceries every month. (Sometimes.)

Hooray right?

Uh, not so much. I should’ve been more clear.

What I’d really like is to be making enough that, I don’t know, I could actually live on it without having to go on the welfare or learn how to spin around a pole to financially survive.

You know, a real living wage would be nice. Like a lot of the writers I know or bloggers I read.

They’re doing it every day so I can too. Right? I can make a living blogging. Right?

Which, of course, brings me back to this blog.

As much fun as this blog is to write, as much enjoyment I get out of reading up on everyone’s lives and keeping in touch, no matter how much I love to rant and rave about whatever randomness crosses my mind there’s only one Tucker Max in the world and I ain’t him.

AKA - I’m not getting paid for this shit so spending my words over here when I could be cold pitching someone that might help me pay my bills won’t cut it.

AKA – Client work has to come first.

AKA – I love my job but I’m not doing what I really love for my job right now.

AKA – Lots of things have changed and I have to roll with it.

I feel the Catch-22 actively happening every day where I’m standing on the edge of some kind of career success but then I miss my old life where I could write over here and keep up with everyone but then I realize doing that didn’t pay the bills but then I remember how fun it is to write on this blog all the time.

And I spin out of control until I convince myself I should just focus on this for another 6 years without being able to support my family.

And that’s usually when I pull myself back, don’t let myself pursue my career ambitions and allow myself to fail so I can blame it on a million other things than my own fear of success.

But this time I’m not going to do that.

This time I’m going to let all of this fade away if necessary so I can push forward. If I find there’s time (like this morning) I’ll pop in and write a little something. (Not a bunch of crap about how I don’t have time to write/read here anymore, that stops now.)

But if I find that client work is eating up all of my time I’m not going to stress if you all take me off your reading lists, stop connecting and tell me to pound sand…

“You want us to read you and you can’t even read us? Uh, suck it, Jenn.”

Because life has changed. A lot. Things that used to be important can’t be important in the same ways anymore. Things that used to suck my time and energy have had to fall off the back end no matter how much fun I had doing them. Because I have to be responsible for my business ventures.

And right now my business is growing.

It needs water and love and attention and all that other crap that I’m usually not very good at but have to learn how to do.

So I’m not shutting this blog down or anything but don’t be surprised if my writing here is sporadic at best over the next 6-12 months.

If you want to stay in touch you can follow me on twitter.

Or feel free to friend me on Facebook because, although teens have decided the site is so last decade, I’m apparently getting closer to their target age demographic every day.

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Content Marketing Strategist and Blogger for hire, Jenn has over 12 years of freelancing experience. Let her write your next case study, press release, blog post, article or webpage. Get in touch with her today info [at] copywritethat [dot] com