Doctor's Orders

When I was in sixth grade my mom invited my aunt over for dinner one night. My sister and I were helping out with the cooking and I thought it would be nice to have some fancy French cut green beans instead of the boring round kind. After a few beans were successfully halved, the next thing I cut was a big old slice through my thumb.

The cut was so severe we ended up skipping dinner for the emergency room. One full surgery to repair my thumb's tendon and an overnight stay later I was wearing a cast on my left hand. The doctor was emphatic about keeping my hand still to make sure it would heal correctly. About three or four weeks in the cast cracked at the bottom of my thumb and I was thrilled to have some motion back. Eventually the cast was replaced but the same result ensued a short time later.

When we went in for the final removal the doctor assured my mom I'd need physical therapy to regain the mobility of my all important digit. The cast came off and he measured my flexibility. I swear he ran his little silver tool back and forth between my good and bad thumb three times because he couldn't believe what he was seeing. I was just shy of 100% mobility. No PT needed.  Apparently I'd moved just enough to make my thumb heal on its own.

But that was then. I was eleven years old, young, spry and stubborn. Now I'm thirty-nine, hopefully wiser and certainly more cautious. So when I finally heard back from my doctor about what might or might not be going on with my body, and his instructions were to limit my activity until all this is under control, this time I'm listening.

The bloodwork came back and nothing major presented. That was the first sigh of relief. Nothing bad with liver, kidney, not anemia, not cancer. Psychologically that was all a huge weight lifted. Physically however just hearing that news didn't solve my lightheadedness.

Instead of dinner, this time I'm skipping going to Vegas to see my friends renew their vows in the middle of a marathon they've both been training for over the past many months. Does this make me sad? So sad I actually sat sobbing when I sent the message to my friend after cancelling our hotel. But there are some things I just won't fuck with and woozy feelings that have no definitive answers while I'm over 300 miles from home is way up on that list.

Over the weekend I'll be experimenting with some suggestions from the doc and his PA. First is to start taking sodium tablets. When we reduced salt to almost nil with Matt's HBP diet shift it's possible my body went "um, wtf!?" My doc also thinks I might be a low blood sugar candidate which wouldn't be a surprise as it runs in the family. Additionally I'm going on a multi vitamin in case of deficency and amping my water intake to a little over sixty ounces a day.

It is driving me crazy just laying around all day. I miss working but I don't want to do too much. Which of course is stressing me out but until I know what is causing my lightheadedness I'm not taking chances. The good news is that this time my thumbs are at 100% capacity so I can blog on my phone while I lie on the sofa.

At least its something because watching re-runs of 90210 was only fun the first day.

Getting Rid of Clutter and Other News

Yesterday I wrote a big long post over at my website about getting organized so I can start making money as a freelancer. The post is pretty complete and I’m not going to rehash all of the details I included over there because if you really want to know about it then you can go read that one. I’ll wait…

Now that I started the process I’m finding a LOT of stuff that has been taking up mental, emotional, and physical space in my online world that really has to go. Files I haven’t opened in years, documents with print screen shots from paying bills in 2009 (yeah, seriously), websites that aren’t even operable anymore clogging up my favorites – all things I’m working on deleting. And I hate to say it but many blog links are going to be deleted from my sidebar as well.

The reason I hate to say it is because many of these blogs are written by friends. People I love, people who have become such an important part of my life that they are individually thanked in my acknowledgement page in Reckless Abandon for goodness sake. But our once blossoming blog exchange has fallen by the wayside for some people and it’s time for me to move on. Many of them already have so it’s time to face the truth.

There are friends who do update occasionally, I’ll see something new pop up a few times a year, and I want the 411 when they come back. But there are many friends who haven’t posted on their blog in six months (or more) and in an effort to reduce the overwhelming vibe in my brain I just can’t have those links floating out in space for no reason. I’ll completely understand if you all remove me from your linky-lists as well.

However, if you discover that you feel compelled to start blogging again someday please let me know! I always enjoyed reading your updates and would be very interested in continuing to do so. Otherwise we’ll probably just see each other on Facebook.

• • •

In other news I’m going through some freaky health shit right now. For a few months I’ve had this weird pain in my left abdomen which I wrote off as being part of my job because I sit all day and rarely exercised anymore. I started exercising and sometimes it would go away. We bought a new sofa and it seemed to improve.

But over the past month or so I’ve started to notice it again and then the past couple weeks I’ve been having issues with a somewhat weird form of lightheadedness. Well more like light body because I never feel like I’m going to pass out or get dizzy or anything.

That was the last straw though and I finally went to the doctor this week. Not a kidney stone (his first guess). Not central nervous system (his next guess). I’ve been eating okay, consistently, and drinking about 60 ounces of water a day (more if I work out). Working out is no issue, I don’t get weirdness. Standing or lying down is no issue. Mostly it comes and goes when I’m sitting.

He took blood and is supposed to get back to me in a few days. Last night I started obsessing over not knowing what is up with myself and I almost had a panic attack.

I’m wondering if its early onset menopause because I do get hot flashes and cold sweats sometimes. Insomnia started a year or so ago. I’ve always had social anxiety but it has increased in spades in recent months. I tend to cry at the thought of anything these days. In fact based on this list I have all but maybe four symptoms. I’m freaking out and it’s hard not to think about it. Saying that makes me think more. And then I get more anxious. And that depresses the crap out of me.

Guess I’ll find out soon. I really hope so because Dr. House isn’t real but if I’m being completely honest, I’m really afraid

.

Yeah, I’m Breaking the Rules

My self-imposed rules that is. What’s that you ask? Am I going out of the house shopping today or something? HELL NO!! Not those kinds of rules. I mean the part where I announced I wouldn’t be online or writing anything all weekend. Hey, it’s not my fault. My family was supposed to be my buffer and everyone is still passed out from family, food & festive fun yesterday.

When left alone in the house at 7:00 in the morning what the heck else am I supposed to do other than whip up a blog post and eat blue cheese mix on Ritz crackers and a slice of apple cranberry pie for breakfast? I mean Thanksgiving only comes once a year and those are my cheat foods.

But I digress (as usual) because this post isn’t about food…

There’s really only one reason I got online when I wasn’t supposed to and that’s to tell everybody that Reckless Abandon**, my Romantic Suspense novella released last month on Amazon, is free to download this whole weekend! Woo hoo!

The best ranking I’d reached up to now was about 48,000 in my top category. Which as far as I’m concerned for a relative nobody Author like me (at this moment) I was pretty stoked about that. When I woke up this morning I checked before I even started promoting the thing and HOLY CRAP!!!

Though ranking numbers change by the hour as of right now (8:00 AM in Phoenix) it’s at #7520 in the Free for Kindle store. But those numbers aren’t the ones I’m tripping out over. The part where I’m dropping my jaw in astonishment is where I’m #72 in the Women Sleuths category and #90 in Romantic Suspense.

Hang on and let me let that sink in a second…of the 5,453 books on Amazon Kindle store that are Romantic Suspense my little novella is at a ranking in the top 100 after only 8 hours on the free list.

Okay, my mind is officially blown! I need to do a little more digging around my Author tools to see just how many downloads it has gotten but I may not let myself do that until Sunday after it comes off the promo weekend.

I’m really, really proud of this book and to see it move up the ranks like that makes me overjoyed! Well that and it also makes me want to keep going. To write more, to continue on with this series, and to release a quality piece of fiction to accompany this effort.

If you’d like to check out the book you can see Reckless Abandon on Amazon Kindle store here. If you download the book and read it please let me know what you think! I’m an Indie Author and we live by reviews. Thanks in advance!

Hope you’re all having as wonderful a weekend as I am over here. SO MUCH to be thanks full for this year!

**Reckless Abandon - FREE download Friday - Sunday & you don't have to step foot inside a store

Not A Chance In Hell You Will Catch Me Shopping on Thanksgiving

This afternoon I was over visiting my friend Suldog’s blog. For the past seven or so years he’s been running a campaign on his blog and requesting that other bloggy friends take part. The premise is that Thanksgiving comes first. I don’t think I really need to explain the overall gist to any of you right? Check out the Facebook page for more info.

Each year I intend to join the fight in my own quest for normalcy during the busy holiday season but every year I read his plea before Halloween. To me all the holidays should have their own time. Halloween is one of my personal favorites, nothing to do with candy and perhaps someday I’ll share all the details why but today is not that day. Anyway, because I love Halloween I refuse to start talking about Thanksgiving until that day has come and gone. By the time that’s over I end up getting busy with other things and never fully support his cause.

This year is different. Because this year I’m livid.

If you go and read his blog post in the link I linked to above you’ll probably get the gist why. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.

See what I mean? What the hell gives Walmart, Kmart or Sears the right to dictate that their employees show up to work on one of the precious few days during the year the retail community gets to enjoy having a day off? Fuck that.

I started writing a long winded comment back to Jim because I come from a personal place of irritation over this matter. I’m a former assistant manager, employee, and manager of retail establishments. And let me tell you something right now, if I were still in that industry working in a mall somewhere and anyone tried to tell me I had to show up for work on Thanksgiving I’d probably pop a vein. And promptly close the gates in a very personal fuck you to the bullshit consumerist regime that was trying to force me to show up on a holiday of national significance.

Here’s what I planned to write out in the comments over on his blog

“Petition signed. That's the most outrageous and blatant attempt at power and control that I've ever seen in my life. The employees in that industry already have too much stress at the holidays can't they get one flipping day off? What sucks is that their jobs will probably be threatened if they choose not to work. Millions of people out of work will mean that someone will be willing to do it. Which as far as I’m concerned is total lunacy.

I was an assistant manager of a very successful retail store many years ago. My first Christmas as a manager in that store I was so busy (mind you this was YEARS before what's going on now) that I literally lived on coffee and cigarettes while working double shifts at least 3 days a week for the weeks between Black Friday and 2 weeks after New Year’s (don’t forget about holiday return season!). Generally I worked upwards of 75-80 hours a week covering for my manager who took so much time off to deal with her court troubles I was surprised she retained her job at all.

Luckily I was in my early 20's but it didn't matter. I dropped to about 89 pounds and could barely function. What happened at the end of the Christmas season? My car broke down on the way to work, I called in to say I needed a day off & it was approved. A week later my manager*** told my district manager I'd never called (even longer story) and I was fired for falsifying a time sheet weeks later. Of course this was after I worked a shift for her when another employee came in and stole money from the register that they tried to blame on me (which led directly into me requesting to watch the tape of me stealing money, which they didn’t have because I didn’t steal anything, and my manager telling the DM that I had to go - hence the timesheet instead). The time sheet thing couldn't be proven either way because back in those days we hand wrote everything.

I left retail then and there and never looked back. The way the things are going now I’m surprised every store isn’t open 24 hours a day 365 days a year.

You can bet I will NEVER shop on a day a retail employee should have the day off. Consumerism is out of control. Employees get no respect for their hard work and even less pay for being the thing that allegedly holds up the economy of the entire country.”

I don’t just support Jim’s stance on the fact that Thanksgiving – a day to celebrate all we have in our lives that isn’t material – comes before Christmas but now I’m just off the rails that Thanksgiving may not even be a recognized day of rest anymore.

Because let’s face it, if Walmart, et al, opens the rest of them will do the same so as not to lose out on the revenue.

When I was in retail we opened at 8:00 instead of 10:00 on Black Friday then stayed open 2 hours after usual closing time as well. I was already mystified by stores who felt forcing their employees to come to work for a 6:00 AM Black Friday opening was insane. Then the midnight openings started.

And now this?

I can assure any retail establishment out there if they open even one minute earlier – aka Thanksgiving – I will stop shopping there for good. And let me just tell you how my broke ass can appreciate Walmart’s prices. But if they can’t appreciate a holiday and the people who are employed by them then they can say goodbye to my business forever.

Please stop this insanity. Please stop supporting this insanity. And please have a happy Thanksgiving until the moment it’s over. Which is not 8:00 or 10:00 PM.

This information is very real. You can read the Chicago Tribune article here

You can tell Target what you think by signing the petition started by an employee. They’re shy only a few thousand signatures now so spread the word!

Find it on Jim's post.

***update: one of my readers brought to my attention the fact that bipolar and crazy may not be medically accurate since I couldn't diagnose my manager so let's just say this instead, she was

a two-faced lying bitch who used me for her own personal needs and as soon as those needs were met she threw me under the bus as fast as her bleached blonde head would allow her to, since my DM had noticed her absences and someone was getting fired (but she had the upper hand in communication with the DM so it certainly wasn't going to be her).