Law & Order: PTU

{Deep throaty voice of Narrator}

In Cambridge, Massachusetts, the battle on parking violators is enforced by a super ninja troop known as the Parking Ticket Unit. This is just one of their many, many, many stories.

{Cue the widely recognized double note}

Boom -- Boom

{As the scene opens we see Jenn & Matt getting out of their vehicle on Mass Ave in Cambridge one sunny Saturday afternoon. It is winter, let’s just say early February. They have parked almost directly in front of the hardware store which they intend on patronizing momentarily. Jenn walks a few cars down the block to locate a path leading up onto the sidewalk; Matt traverses the two foot high snow mound on the side of the road and goes directly to the meter to insert the four quarters which will buy them an hour in the store.

The couple enters the store and improvisational conversation with the clerk ensues regarding the most efficient and financially viable solution for hinges for their newly constructed entertainment center doors. They acquire the items and make their way back to their vehicle only to find a ticket on the windshield.}

Jenn: What the fuck?

Matt: Oh crap, here we go.

Jenn: Tell me we ran out of time?? Just try to! I know we put in enough money and this ticket was left almost ten minutes ago. Freaking give me a break!

{Matt exits vehicle to look at meter as Jenn continues to scream obscenities inside the car}

Matt: Yeah there’s three minutes left.

{Jenn takes the camera she always carries out of her purse and hands it to Matt}

Jenn: Here, take a freaking picture. I am so fighting this. Like it’s my problem the freaking Meter Maid couldn’t climb over the snow bank to see there was still time left. Whatever…..

{The following Monday morning we see Jenn completing the form on the City of Cambridge website to fight her ticket.

Cut scene to three weeks later at the mailbox when Jenn retrieves the notice indicating that although they have received her reasons they are continuing to enforce said ticket.}

Jenn: Improvisational cursing for upwards of five minutes. Light under breath mumbling having something to do with “But I FED the meter!”

{A montage of images ensue (to speed through time), while “Everybody Hurts” by REM plays in the background -- we see Jenn sign the notice to request a hearing, receipt of the Hearing date notification, the printing of proof photographs, selection of her most responsible looking outfit, ironing of her shirt on the morning of the hearing and placing enough quarters in her pocket to feed the meter for three hours as she slips on her sun glasses and walks out the door}

Jenn: I don’t want to do this. Is it too late to just pay the twenty five dollars?

Matt: Yeah.

Jenn: It hit me in the shower this morning, although I have bailed friends out of jail on numerous occasions, I have never once stepped foot inside an actual courtroom. What if it is nothing like they make you believe it is? Am I going to have to talk to a judge way up on some freakishly high throne? What if it’s a dude and I call him Sir instead of Your Honor? Can they just throw me in jail for that? I’m very nervous. Why shouldn’t I change my mind and just pay the stupid money to not go through all this nerve wracking stress?

Matt: {Attempting to hide his amusement at Jenn’s recoculous rant but only moderately succeeding} Because if this was me you would never let me get away with not fighting it.

Jenn: {An audible sigh can be heard} You’re right.

{The camera cuts to the Cambridge City Hall Annex building. The scene is filmed from way low to the ground looking up the side of the red brick structure giving the appearance of a giant, imposing building. As the camera pans out we see it is only two stories and looks like nothing more than an old time school house.

The couple enters the building; Jenn continues to ramble on in a nervous blubbering rant about filling the meter outside this building. Matt remains almost uncharacteristically quiet. They approach the man behind the numbered windows.}

Jenn: {In a tone of a question as if it is still unbelievable to imagine what is about to occur} I have a hearing scheduled.
Man: Just stand over by that water fountain and she will come out and get you.

{Jenn is called to enter the Hearing Office and as she enters we see it is nothing more than a booth with a door; the space is smaller than a cubicle. One seat is provided and we are looking at the back of a monitor but there is nothing else in the space other than stark white walls, a counter top with an embedded pen and the PTU Official}

PTU: Please sign your name on this sheet. {Passes sheet} Now what is the reason you are fighting this ticket?

Jenn: Well I put money in the meter but got a ticket anyway. Here are the pictures showing I still had three minutes left.

PTU: Was there any discrepancy between the meter you put money in and the meter on the ticket?

Jenn: No, not that I was aware of.

PTU: Is this your car in the picture.

Jenn: Yup, that’s me.

PTU: OK see it is supposed to line up with your front bumper, not the rear bumper because it’s a single meter. See here in the system {spins the monitor outward} the Ticketing Official made a note that money was put into the meter at the same time the ticket was being issued. I think you were putting money into the meter for the person behind you and someone came and parked in front of you then made the same mistake while she was ticketing you.

Jenn: {A genuine look of shock passes across her face and we see her shoulders sag ever so slightly as she realizes she will be giving up twenty five dollars in a matter of minutes} Oh.

PTU: Just so you know for the future really. Don’t worry, I’ll dismiss this one, you’re all set.

Jenn: {contemplating requesting a hug} Oh, my, oh really? Thank you so very much!

PTU: No problem, have a nice day.

Jenn: {still in shock} Absolutely, you too. Thank you again!

PTU: {sensing there might be a request for a hug} Can you tell the next person to come in here now?

{Cut to a close up shot of Jenn and Matt bursting through the revolving door; they have huge smiles. The camera pans out from an across the street view and we see leaping dancers, ribbons wildly being shaken in the sunshine, ballerinas spinning, a big huge rainbow, the words “JOY” and “HAPPINESS” being painted on a huge canvas in the background of puppies, laughing babies and the sounds of “Come On, Get Happy” by The Partridge Family plays in the background.

The final shot is Jenn looking at the car parked right out front with thirty five minutes left on the meter and turning to give a thumbs up to Matt.}