Saturday, December 8, 2012

The Best Laid (Up) Plans

Never fails right? Career plans get made, actions are being taken, things start looking like they could shift for the better financially and then boom! Some random health symptoms that even Doctor House can't explain move in just in time to fuck it all up. Thanks body, that was so very nice of you. Jackwagon.

Guess I'm at the anger stage now.

I know that its possible I was moving too quickly, doing too much for my own good and I needed to slow down. And its pretty likely this had to happen to ensure that I took a breather. I get that. But breather taken, its so time to get back to my life again. I miss being able to work for more than 3 hours a day without feeling lightheaded and I miss the time when I could drink coffee or a beer without my body staging a revolution.

No coffee in well over a week, no booze since about 5 days ago and I'm down to 2 cigarettes a day. Sounds great but I still feel like crap so what's the point of quitting or cutting back at all? I'm hardly scared anymore so much as just totally over it. I want an answer last week. I want this fixed so I can get back to my life. I want to work. I miss my friends. I miss being comfortable behind the wheel, going shopping, eating, drinking & being merry in public. I miss doing anything besides laying on my couch, drinking water and pretty much only getting up to pee.

Last week I had an appointment with a Cardiologist my PCP referred me to as a precautionary measure. He was the world's biggest asshole with such a lack of compassion that a handful of Facebook friends suggested I send a letter describing as much. He scheduled me for an artery ultrasound & echo cardiogram but couldn't have been too concerned because the soonest they could get me in was the 28th. Terrific. I guess it's not my heart. Or at least there's a very strong chance it isn't. I don't really know because I can't seem to get a straight answer from anyone because no one has a clue what's going on and the circle of referrals continues.

Next we move onto girlie doctors. If that isn't it I'm going to find a Chiropractor, massage therapist and likely an Accupuncturist as well because if Western medicine can't figure me out I might as well start heading East. I'm just going to need someone else to drive me there.