Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The Celebrity Top Five

That’s right people, until the house is painted and cleaned at the end of this week, photos of our new space will have to wait.  But cobwebs are starting to grow in this space while I’m doing all the work over on that one (and don’t even get me started on my Writesy blog for Lackawanna!).  So I figured why not rip off my friend’s idea and post my celeb top five list.

The sad thing is I’m not even ripping off Chris’ most recent post.  I’m so out of the loop I don’t even know what a loop looks like anymore.  Oh well, better to post something than nothing.  Enjoy today’s serving of drivel and hopefully I’ll have some house update photos for you all next week.

There have been a few guys on my celebrity top five for a long time.  I figure there’s gotta be something there if they’ve managed to stick around for so long, right?  Others kind of float in and out over the years, I always like to keep a rotating spot open for new and hot guys that have that thing.

What is that thing, you may ask?  Actually I’m not even sure.  My type of man is wildly random (which I’ll confirm in a minute).  Who I’m drawn to physically has a lot more to do with a few factors.  In this order – eyes, shoulders, smile, shoes, hands.  Anything above & beyond that is just gravy, baby.

And I can safely say there are a couple things that I do not find hot so guys with these particular qualities are so not making my  list.

First, being too muscular.  Ugh, nothing is less sexy to me than a guy who is all about bulk.  Lean & toned, absolutely, but bulging biceps can stay at the gym where they belong.  

Pic from IMDB

Next is any guy with hair that’s prettier than mine.  This left a pretty big gap in my love of musicians back in the 80’s when glam rock was all the rage.  I loved me some Guns ‘n Roses, Metallica, Whitesnake, hell even Motley Crüe, but those guys just had way too much hair and it was far too gorgeous.  I just couldn’t get into a guy who could be known to have a coif, mane, long flowing locks.  That shit is for women in cheezy romance novels.

Only with very, very, rare exception will I be attracted to a blonde or a red head.  Not sure why but I’m kind of all about brown/black hair.  And blue/hazel eyes.  Townies.  Of course I am.

Except with my girl crushes of course…oh, what?  You thought there wouldn’t be anything for the guys?  Wrong!  But I’m making you wait for it.  Hey, it’s my blog and I do what I want.  So there.

So, in a pretty particular order, here’s four of my top five guys from when I was a wee lass:

Wil Wheaton.  Yup, Wesley from Star Trek but that’s not why I loved him, I loved him for cuteness like this…swoon.

Corey Haim, the exception to the no blonde men rule, RIP.

Drew Bledsoe before he went commercial and started to suck at football, aka left the Patriots.

Jon Knight.  Yes he was a New Kids on the Block member but in my/his defense he was barely part of the group anyway, he was there to round out the 5 they needed for the boy band formula and he looked pretty on stage.  And yes, I’m fully aware he was gay.  That’s why he was so hot, duh.  And  he’s gotten even better looking as he’s gotten older.

Today’s list is kinda spotty because I really don’t know anyone out there anymore.  But a few have been hanging around for almost a decade (or two…okay, almost three).

Like Sully Erna from Godsmack.  Seen them in concert at least a dozen times, won tickets a couple of those times and now its been far too long since I've listened to them live.  Oh yes, Sully, please growl at me anytime you hot little pocket sized man with an enormous voice and bad boy tattoos.  Slurpy. 

Brett Favre before he was an idiot.  If you enjoy sports you know exactly what I mean.  Green & Yellow forever bitches.  But damn if I don’t still find his corn fed country boy appeal as charming now as it was in ’94.

Ian Somerhalder, of course.  Not like I haven’t given him enough props lately but it’s cool, I just need to grab my drool bucket again.  (Side note: Ian is just slightly in the lead of two other guys, one is mentioned below in my girl-crush section, trust me it will make sense when you get there, the other is Ben Affleck.  No judgement.)

Edward Norton because not only does he have boy next door hotness but he’s probably one of the most underrated actors on the planet, has ties to Boston, is Mister Environmental, and his birthday is the same date as my grandfather’s.  Yes, that’s a factor.  Plus have you seen Fight Club?  Or The Italian Job?  Or American History X?  Yeah, even with the swastika on his chest he was so captivating on screen I couldn’t help but love his character’s breakthrough as he left that skinhead life behind.

Of course the number one spot is reserved for possibly the most geeky, not traditionally hot guy of all.  But I really don’t care because there’s something way too awesome about his cuteness.  Another highly underrated actor, he’s been number one on the list since 1985 when he looked like this:

Hell I even loved the shy, overt loyalty in his performance when he looked like this:

That’s right folks, welcome to my head where my number one on the celebrity top five is none other than Sean Astin.  Better known as ‘that guy who played Rudy’ before his huge-ass blockbuster performances in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, this guy has pretty much done it all.  He acts, directs, produces and (much to my chagrin) is a super cool family man.

But he’ll forever be this guy in my head:

OK guys, you waited long enough and I appreciate you weeding through the sea of geeky men to get to this point so I’ll make it extra nice for you.  Here’s my girl crushes:

Alyssa Milano because she had perfect hair in the 80’s and still looks great today.  Like far too great for an almost 40 year old woman.  You know, compared to me who has never had a baby and still has a muffin top for no reason.  This is a classic case of love through envy.  And she starred with Sean in a movie back in the early 90’s.  Extra points if you can name it.

A Red Sox fan too? Hello awesome!

Kate Bosworth, pretty much because of Blue Crush which is one of the best movies ever.  It is so rare in Hollywood to have a strong female lead who isn’t either a bitch or a lesbian.  Or a bitchy lesbian.  Which to me isn’t really the definition of strong so much as forced-down-your-throat-personality.  In Blue Crush we have Kate playing Anne Marie Chadwick, hotel housekeeper with dreams and goals of becoming the next big thing in the female surf world.  Sounds cheezy right?  Well it isn’t.  The movie centers on her internal and external struggles with overcoming fear of a brush with death, raising her kid sister since her mother split, trying to do right by her friends and somehow managing to fall in love with a cute football player in the midst of it all.  She takes on the world, freaks out, tries to quit and comes back even stronger in the end.  Rent it right now if you’ve never seen it.  Oh yeah, sorry this is for the guys right?  Yeah, it also has hot girls in bikinis.  Enough said.

Two different colored eyes, yup that's quirky cool.

And my biggest girl-crush is on Maggie Gyllenhaal.  As a matter of fact, I have a crush on the entire Gyllenhaal family.  Even though Jake didn’t make it to the actual top five he’s in a pretty close run with Ian.  Jake in The Day After Tomorrow was just slightly edged out by Ian in The Vampire Diaries because, hello, he’s a vampire.  But back to Maggie.  One word: Secretary.  Okay, it’s not the only one she was fantastic in (Donnie Darko, Stranger than Fiction, Riding in Cars with Boys [the ONLY good thing about that movie was her performance]) but it’s the movie where I fell in love with her.  Despite James Spader.  Despite her complete and utter submissive character.  It was the performance that made it great.  She was perfect, I actually believed that was who she was.  The script sucked and I already mentioned James Spader but because of Maggie I was drawn right in.  In life she has a regal grace but a smirk that says she’s hiding more behind her sweet eyes.  Hot.

And there you have it.  Subject to change at any moment.  In fact if I wasn’t 38 and he was young enough to be my kid (God help me) this guy might have bumped Favre out of the running.

Classic Townie.


lettersfromlaunna said...

Thank you for posting on my blog Jenn, I am really doing so much better, I lost myself... thinking I was not enough. I just needed a reminder that I truly am more than enough. You are an awesome writer, I love reading whatever you write :)

Alice said...

I am so stealing this for my blog, if I can manage to come up with a different list than you. The Coreys....sigh. I don't get Ed Norton, personally does nothing for me. And I can't believe you ripped on Chris Hemsworth. Okay, so maybe I can come up with my own after all.

P.s. gave you a review on goodreads. Such a great job!

Anonymous said...

Loved, loved Rudy.
I agree...Edward Norton is underrated!

Anonymous said...

Lmao....I was just telling Jax that I thought Hemsworth is a monster! And the hair thing, too... my wife hates guys with long hair/blond hair. Seriously, when Diana is done delivering baby #2 you guys should hang out! ;-)

You know how I feel about Brett Favre (or do you? I'll tell you sometime) so I'm kinda glad he's on your list. A little surprised, because he is a major dumbass, country charm or not. But I'm a guy. I'm supposed to overlook that crap and be more pissed about his interception in overtime of the NFC title game What were you thinking, man? That's right. You weren't thinking. Idiot.

I'm neutral on your three ladies...but Alyssa looks awesome in that Red Sox shirt. Kate Bosworth got waaaay too skinny, but I heard she was a straight up surfer goddess in Blue Crush, back when she was still athletic looking. Must check that out someday. And you managed to find a really cute Maggie pic. i always thought she looked slightly odd. Hmm, nice.

I thought you forgot about Marchand! I was wading through all your lifelong crushes (a Corey! a New Kid! a Hobbit!) and I started thinking "wait a minute! Where's her bad boy Bruin hero?" Haha. Great list!

Anonymous said...
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Jenn Flynn-Shon said...


Jenn Flynn-Shon said...

So happy you did steal this, mostly because after reading yours I stole it back :-) All updated new & shiny list is posting today haha. Really, no Ed Norton huh? That's cool, then I only have to fight my sister for him!

THANKS so much for the review! ♥

Jenn Flynn-Shon said...

Rudy was for sure one of the best movies of all time!

Jenn Flynn-Shon said...

Thank goodness someone agrees with me on that guy...I'm telling you, next east coast trip I'm making sure the 4 of us get together! Yup, in fact one of the first posts of yours I ever read was gushing (wrong word? maybe not...) over Favre which was one of those 'you had me at Brett' moments in bloggyland lol. Yeah well we all know he ONLY came back BECAUSE of that interception. Not the way he wanted to end his career I'm sure but too damn bad. It wasn't like he'd never tossed one before...Favre was the KING of interceptions!

Oh my goodness, please go out and add Blue Crush to your Netflix, Red Box, wherever immediately. Seriously one of the most underrated movies of all time.

Many more Bruins will be revealed later today but Marchy is my favorite current player...not the hottest guy on the team though.