Thursday, November 3, 2011

Position to Fill: Life Reign-er-in-er

Anyone want to be my life assistant?  Because its become clear to me over the past few months that I just simply can not manage to keep my own life under control.  The position might sound weird but all in all its a pretty sweet gig for the right person.  No really, I mean it.

Duties include:

- Whittling down, organizing and making my digital life much more manageable.
- Being an all-knowing god / goddess of the internet so you can use that magic wand to make changes like 'Poof!!' without having to learn anything first that ends up not working in the end. 
- Understanding exactly what I mean when I refer to something as a 'hoobie-do'.
- Understanding that I will refer to many things as a 'hoobie-do'.
- Connecting all my internet locations to read the same, look the same and function correctly while still split into two distinct personalities.
- Making suggestions about what is a piece of crap and a waste of your time (ie. my time) to have an account open with and unmercifully killing it off while you laugh maniacally.

Your compensation:

Is seriously lacking at this time.  As in, I'll make you dinner & give you a couple beers but don't expect to see one red cent until I'm rich & famous.  However, at the time when I become rich & famous you are more than welcome to accompany me to lavish parties, meet and mingle with anyone you like, and you will be compensated overwhelmingly awesomely.  This is going to take a little trust on your part but understand that the better of a job you do reigning me in the more likely I'll be able to focus on the shit that actually matters and get us to that compensation plan that includes rides in private jets, comp tickets to the Super Bowl and whatever other loveliness your imagination can whip up!

You:

- Will pretend to love everything I love (but are actually comfortable enough to tell me the truth constantly how much you really don't like it).
- Will work from your own home, not mine, seeing as though everything is online I'm pretty sure you can manage that from your own sofa.
- Don't have kids or a spouse, because believe me, my many personalities will more than make up for your lack of family and keep you busier than if you did have one of your own.
- Get it.

I:

- Will have recoculously grand plans (that you will laugh at on a daily basis but try to accomplish anyway because you're just that flipping dedicated).
- Will be forever grateful that someone out there is as insane as I am that they would even consider working for me.

Sounds like the most amazing job ever right?  Submit your resumes to randomlunacy11 at yahoo dot com.

Can't wait to get started working together!  Woo hoo!

8 comments:

KC McAuley said...

I've already agreed to Bridgete's personal assistant. But if that falls through, I am available. ;-)

Judi FitzPatrick said...

Hmm, since I've done much of this anyway, if you could stand it I'd be willing to apply.
The only thing I see missing here is how you will handle it when the assistant knows how crazy your idea is, tries to talk you out of it, and fails to convince you.
Love you, and you know I will help whenever I can.
Peace, Mum

Maine-y-ac said...

As much as I'd love to work for you, I am technologically challenged and therefore would be of no help whatsoever in that area! The rest I can handle - with love and understanding.

#1Nana said...

Gee, too bad I'm retired!

Joan said...

Dinner and wine would be good. :)
I am a great assistant!
The spouse thing knocks me out of the race.

Linda Myers said...

I could do that.

But then who would take care of all of my stuff?

Suldog said...

I thought I might qualify, until I got to the part about not having a spouse. Then I realized that MY WIFE is MY Life-Reign-Er-In-Er.

Oh, well. If you ever need someone to dream grandiose dreams that have the effect of making your own appear reasonable, I'm available.

Rosebud Collection said...

Now this sounds like quite the job..but I am not good at the computer..just barely find my way around..but I sure like the perks..