Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Because I Need to Post Something

So I’m doing a silly meme for the first time in a long time for a few reasons. First, I haven’t posted in 3 weeks and have been feeling like I want to but didn’t know what to write. Second, because I ran across it on the page of one of the writers on my blogroll and it seemed like a fine idea. Finally, just because. And all of that seems good enough for me so without any additional rambling you won’t already be privy to while sorting through the drivel below…enjoy.

1. Why did you sign up for writing your blog?
Because it seemed like a good thing to do that first winter after moving back to Massachusetts when I hadn’t yet started back to school and barely had any jobs painting. I kind of felt like at least I could find some people out there that I could force to read my stuff, even if those people were only family and friends to start.

2. Why did you choose your blog's name? What does it mean?
Um, well I think ‘Random Lunacy’ is mostly self-explanatory. My brain doesn’t seem to want to focus on just one thing and I’m certainly pretty mentally fucked so it seemed all encompassing.

3. Do you ever had another blog?
Yeah, I know this is the internet and sometimes there are lower standards and all that jazz but I’m correcting this question right now. Either “Have you ever had another blog” or “Do you have another blog”. Seriously people, grammar is something we all learned starting in the third grade or earlier. Embrace it. Use it. I beg you.

4. What do you do online when you're not on your blog?
The usual stuff – read the news, read blogs, read email, sell shit, watch stupid videos, tweet, waste time reading crap on Facebook, participate in my school forum discussions, write a couple other blogs…oh yeah, I was supposed to tell you I had those in the last question wasn’t I? Sorry, got all caught up whipping out my grammar police badge and kind of forgot.

5. How about when you're not on the computer?
If you’re asking what I do during that time…exercise, balance my checkbook, obsessively white out things in my day planner, apply Chapstick, dance in supermarket aisles, watch hockey, watch football, smoke cigarettes, read books, have sex, brush my teeth, drive to the doctor’s office, drive home, take pictures of empty beer glasses, point and laugh at people who pass me on single lane roads when they end up right in front of me at the next red light…honestly, there are far too many things to list them all.

6. What do you wish people who read your blog knew about you?
I’ve pretty much told all my stories already which I suppose is the main reason why I only write like once a month these days.

7. What is your favorite community in the blogosphere?
Hmm, don’t really belong to a community per se. Maybe I should get on that huh?

8. What is your philosophy on your blog layout?
Philosophy: noun; the rational investigation of the truths and principles of being, knowledge, or conduct
Clearly I couldn’t possibly have a philosophy due to that word ‘rational’ being plunked in there. See question # 2 as related to the name of my blog again.

9. Tell me about your picture you use to represent you on your blog.
It’s a self-portrait. Simply stunning isn’t it? And obviously I’m like a reincarnated Picasso with those sharpie marker skills.

10. Pick 3 random blogs from your blogroll and tell us about them.
Not doing this, it’s almost as bad as asking me to tag my friends in this piece of crap excuse for a blog post. If you want to know about them then get your ass over to their blogs and read for yourself, they're all pretty rad.

11. What features do you think your blog should have that it doesn't currently?
Incredibly high paying sponsorship.

12. What do you consider the 10 most "telling" interests that we would infer from what you blog persona?
I’m going to spell this very slowly with spacers so maybe whoever wrote this can learn from the second example since they may not have noticed their error the first time – g r a m m a r – should I define it too?
What I think it’s asking of course is to reveal 10 things I like that people who are too lazy or busy to just read through my whole blog should know. Okay here goes: smoking, drinking, sports, sleep, relaxing, writing, music, Matt, family, friends. Not necessarily in that order.

13. Do you have any unique interests that you have never shared before? What are they?

14. The best thing about blogging is all of the friends that you make, beside from those folks, do you think your blog has fans?
Aside from the fact that should read 'aside', not 'beside'...At night I go to sleep dreaming of the thousands of people that read my blog every day. Note the word “dreaming”.

15. What's your current obsession? What about it captures your imagination?
Tweeting. I’m a wordy bitch so trying to cram it all into that short a message is a challenge I can get behind. Well that and I pretty much just like to hear myself talk so it’s like the next best thing.

16. What are you glad you did but haven't really had a chance to post about?
Decided to give up my retail shop next year and solely focus on the only thing I actually want to do for a living which is to be a writer.

17. How many people that first became a blog friend, have you met face to face?
Hmm, guess I can’t count my mom since we met before the blogging part so I guess 4 so far but maybe another in January and I will get to Colorado next year to hopefully meet two more.

18. What don't you talk about here, either because it's too personal or because you don't have the energy?
Nothing that I’m going to start talking about just because you asked this question, duh.

19. What's a question that you'd love to answer?
“Do you want me to deposit this entire seven figure royalty check all at once or should we split it into a few separate checks?”

20. Have you ever lost a blogging friendship and regretted it?
Don’t think so. Writers & bloggers come and go. Friends, whether they blog anymore or not, are still friends.

21. Have you ever lost a blogging friendship and thought, “Was that overdue!”
Nope, not so much.

As thieved from Sunday Stealing

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Really, Verizon Wireless?


As I sit here in my office, typing away, I watch my phone shut itself down for no reason at all for the fourth time in 12 minutes and I realize that it must have been designed to fail. You know, considering my contract expires in just two short months it only seems reasonable that my phone would die right now; forcing me to buy a new one and renew the contract for another two full years.

Either that or pay the low, low price of $350 to end the contract early and go with another carrier like I actually want to do. Thanks Verizon for being so clever as to keep your customers unhappy but on the hook none the less. Fuckers.

So the battle with this phone started twenty two months ago for Matt, his started doing this power itself down for no good reason thing about three days after we got the phones. Mine was fine though so we thought maybe it was just some odd glitch in his physical phone and called to talk to the folks at Verizon Wireless.

They told him they'd do some kind of funky thing where they reboot software from their master computer behind the curtain in Oz and that the reboot would take care of the problem. They did their thing, his screen went white, they did more stuff, his screen came back up and voila, for about a month his phone was working fantastic.

Verizon Wireless became the saviors of the day and we all rejoiced. Yea.

Things went along as if nothing was ever wrong, with no home phone we rely on our cell phones as our only voice communication. This was in 2009. At that time, most of the world realized the (insanely overly expensive) awesomeness of Smartphones and people ran around like the bulls were chasing them directly into the AT&T store to buy their iPhones, post haste.

Must. Have. Technology!

Hipsters everywhere whipped out their little mini computers to check directions, level an entire log cabin or flick a Bic at concerts. Meanwhile I continued to do the things on the phone that truly mattered to me – texting with my friends and family.

And then it happened. About a year into my contract my phone started doing the same thing as Matt's had been doing. And then Matt's phone began doing the same thing it had been doing all over again. So I go into a Verizon store and they tell me, oh yeah, the LG EnV3 is known to have this problem. This is something they knew about for the past year or so.

You mean the past year I've had this phone? Awesome. So I ask how to go about trading it in, you know, considering the issue that they are fully aware of, and if Matt and I need to be together to do that since we’re on the family plan and all that. They look up our account, give me a polite smile and tell me that neither of us are eligible for an upgrade so it would cost us upwards of $200 to do so. Each phone.

Um, that's not an exchange on a product you know isn't working. How can we fix this? Blank stare.

So why weren't customers who bought this phone informed of the issue right away when it was discovered? Head shake, shoulder shrug, and blank stare.

He told me that I should call customer service and have them do a software reboot which will definitely take care of the issue because that’s what the LG people told them would work. So I went home and did exactly that.

The next day my phone shut itself down again for no apparent reason. The battery was fully charged. I had perfectly respectable reception. Software reboot my ass. Way to brush off your customer there Verizon Wireless employee from the day before.

We started saving for our move and basically just learned to deal with the bullshit pieces of crap that were our phones as we really had no choice. I looked up our contract end date so I could be prepared to dump them as soon as possible.

As soon as we got to Arizona mine began doing this shut down deal more and more often. It would randomly turn off when I was in the middle of a call. Sometimes it happened as I was typing a text message.

Matt got a phone for work through Sprint, which works the bomb, so he pretty much turned off his Verizon Wireless paperweight and stopped using it. We both opted to wait it out to get new phones when our Verizon contract expired in January 2012 because we're not made of the money “required” to purchase a new phone to deal with this known issue.

And now it’s just become recoculous, shutting down like it is this morning, and I’m already on the BestBuy website looking at phones to go out and spend money on. Money I don’t really have. Money that will eat into my savings. Money on a phone that is way more than I need. And guess what that means? Yup, extending the contract for another two years. Thieves.

I'm frustrated and more than irritated at Verizon Wireless for not taking care of the problem when they had the chance years ago, when I spoke both on the phone and face to face with someone who could have simply made the issue go away and had me as a customer probably for life.

But now all I want to do is become a Sprint customer and I basically can’t.

Those Verizon Wireless people know they have me over a barrel because I won't cancel two months out, pay the exorbitant fee to do so, and the only way I can “upgrade” these days is to buy a phone that has more bells and whistles than I actually want (which essentially means a more expensive plan and more expensive phone but of course it’s still cheaper than the cancellation of the contract).

Two months of a working phone is all I am asking for because I stayed with a company to fulfill my end of the bargain on the contract.

Sadly it has become clear that they can treat their customers however they want and do nothing to fix issues because in the end they will make a ton of money off of you regardless of what you do or don’t do. Again, fuckers.

Never before this moment have I wished so much to be famous(er). Famous people get their shit fixed when they ask for it to be fixed because they threaten to use Social Media against companies and companies don’t like that because masses of customers walk away, not just two like us.

People like me with only about 300 some odd readers of this blog and a few hundred Facebook and twitter followers are small time. We get the shaft because they know my reach isn’t wide enough to cause a major upheaval or uproar.

Does no one care about their paying customers anymore? Loyalty clearly gets you nowhere.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Position to Fill: Life Reign-er-in-er

Anyone want to be my life assistant?  Because its become clear to me over the past few months that I just simply can not manage to keep my own life under control.  The position might sound weird but all in all its a pretty sweet gig for the right person.  No really, I mean it.

Duties include:

- Whittling down, organizing and making my digital life much more manageable.
- Being an all-knowing god / goddess of the internet so you can use that magic wand to make changes like 'Poof!!' without having to learn anything first that ends up not working in the end. 
- Understanding exactly what I mean when I refer to something as a 'hoobie-do'.
- Understanding that I will refer to many things as a 'hoobie-do'.
- Connecting all my internet locations to read the same, look the same and function correctly while still split into two distinct personalities.
- Making suggestions about what is a piece of crap and a waste of your time (ie. my time) to have an account open with and unmercifully killing it off while you laugh maniacally.

Your compensation:

Is seriously lacking at this time.  As in, I'll make you dinner & give you a couple beers but don't expect to see one red cent until I'm rich & famous.  However, at the time when I become rich & famous you are more than welcome to accompany me to lavish parties, meet and mingle with anyone you like, and you will be compensated overwhelmingly awesomely.  This is going to take a little trust on your part but understand that the better of a job you do reigning me in the more likely I'll be able to focus on the shit that actually matters and get us to that compensation plan that includes rides in private jets, comp tickets to the Super Bowl and whatever other loveliness your imagination can whip up!


- Will pretend to love everything I love (but are actually comfortable enough to tell me the truth constantly how much you really don't like it).
- Will work from your own home, not mine, seeing as though everything is online I'm pretty sure you can manage that from your own sofa.
- Don't have kids or a spouse, because believe me, my many personalities will more than make up for your lack of family and keep you busier than if you did have one of your own.
- Get it.


- Will have recoculously grand plans (that you will laugh at on a daily basis but try to accomplish anyway because you're just that flipping dedicated).
- Will be forever grateful that someone out there is as insane as I am that they would even consider working for me.

Sounds like the most amazing job ever right?  Submit your resumes to randomlunacy11 at yahoo dot com.

Can't wait to get started working together!  Woo hoo!