Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I Seem to Recognize Your Face

They say write what you know. But what do any of us really know anyway? I guess the one thing I can for sure say I would be most able to figure out is myself. As of right now though, I don’t know if writing “myself” is something that would qualify as enough.

I’m only in my late thirties, so is there enough life experience in there to pull from and relay to keep people entertained; to keep them relating? I don’t know, and I struggle with the concept every day, but something forces my fingers to keep pounding on the keys; keep sharing what comes out.

All these changes taking place, I wish I’d seen the place.

Regardless of my calendar age, I feel like I’ve lived a million lives sometimes. I’ve done so many jobs, met so many people, gone so many places and, mainly, just noticed something amazing occur every day that it seems like thousands of years have moved through my head.

Memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.

So of course there are times I think back on with fondness, and others I think back and wonder if I stayed too long at that particular party. Still there are others where I know for sure I got out of that party just in the nick of time. Sometimes, figuratively. Sometimes, quite literally. Sometimes it was all about protecting my head, but most of the time it was about the heart.

Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away…

I was always drawn to the shape of a heart. From a really young age as a girl when I would doodle on random pieces of paper, or my 3 ring binder and book covers when I was in school, I would most often be drawn to drawing the shape of a heart. The very simple ♥ shape.

So many notebooks and journals were filled with my daydream hearts. Who knows what scene was playing out inside my head while I took a black or blue ball point pen and scribbled out thousands of bubbly hearts all over the place, but there was no doubt it probably involved boy meets girl in some way shape or form. Romance was always at the top of my list in those days.

I changed by not changing at all, small town predicts my fate.

A romantic living in the big city of Boston, dating nothing but Townies who will surely break your heart, can quickly become jaded, cynical, and crispy inside. Passion, and throwing oneself into a situation with the full force of it, means lots of deflated bubble hearts. So I think back to who I was with, what I was doing and how I did it back then and for some unknown reason I have no regrets even though my heart is possibly less bubbly these days than it was 20 or so years ago.

My God it’s been so long, never dreamed you’d return.

In another month I will be attending my 20 year high school reunion. To say that nostalgia is heavy on my mind these days would be a gross understatement. I think about the music I listened to back then, how far I’ve come and the relationships I forged during the many years I lived within the confines of one of Boston’s suburbs. I think about what I wanted in those days, who I thought I’d marry and what I had planned to do with my life.

But now here you are, and here I am.

I wonder who will show up, who will catch up and who has passed on beyond our physical world that won’t have the chance to walk into that room, smiling. I wonder if we’ll pull out some old school tunes and dance the night away. I wonder if we’ll all recognize how, no matter what we’ve done since that hot as hell day in early June of 1991 that somehow we managed to grow past ourselves. That we managed to grow.

Lifetimes are catching up with me.

No matter what its going to be damn interesting.

Lyrics by Pearl Jam


KC McAuley said...

I missed my 30 year reunion because I was moving Bridgete to Boston that month. Next summer is 35 years. I'm planning to go. I'm frantic about trying to lose weight - but when am I not?
I predict you will find that most people haven't changed all that much from who they were in high school. The things that made them who they were then - the bubbly hearts and the jaded cynics - will only be more so now. Yes, time will have crept up on all of you - but those you loved then, you'll still love and those you knew were a waste of time then - just smile and say "Nice to see you again." Most of all - have a blast!

Judi FitzPatrick said...

Can't wait to see you and hear the stories from the reunion. Hope it's a fun time!
Love, Mum

#1Nana said...

I keep getting friend requests on Facebook frompeople who I went to high school with, but I don't have a clue who they are. I remember only a very few people. I don't think I would bother going to my reunion. i would be a stranger.

Almost Precious said...

Hope the reunion is tremendous fun and that you enjoy every nanosecond of it.

I think we are constantly changing and growing in our knowledge, which makes it hard to truly know ourselves. Who we are today is not quite the same person we were a few short years ago nor are we the same exact person that the future will shape us into. For better, for worse we too are always in flux.

Rosebud Collection said...

Fun to enjoy is nice to see where everyone has gone and what they have done..
Just be happy where you are..we are getting a nasty storm tomorrow night into Sunday..Snow/rain..should be lousy..Oh well, you just have to roll with this kind of crap..haha..
Have a happy weekend and hope you are doing well in school..You are always in my thoughts..xoCarolyn