They say write what you know. But what do any of us really know anyway? I guess the one thing I can for sure say I would be most able to figure out is myself. As of right now though, I don’t know if writing “myself” is something that would qualify as enough.
I’m only in my late thirties, so is there enough life experience in there to pull from and relay to keep people entertained; to keep them relating? I don’t know, and I struggle with the concept every day, but something forces my fingers to keep pounding on the keys; keep sharing what comes out.
“All these changes taking place, I wish I’d seen the place.”
Regardless of my calendar age, I feel like I’ve lived a million lives sometimes. I’ve done so many jobs, met so many people, gone so many places and, mainly, just noticed something amazing occur every day that it seems like thousands of years have moved through my head.
“Memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.”
So of course there are times I think back on with fondness, and others I think back and wonder if I stayed too long at that particular party. Still there are others where I know for sure I got out of that party just in the nick of time. Sometimes, figuratively. Sometimes, quite literally. Sometimes it was all about protecting my head, but most of the time it was about the heart.
“Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away…”
I was always drawn to the shape of a heart. From a really young age as a girl when I would doodle on random pieces of paper, or my 3 ring binder and book covers when I was in school, I would most often be drawn to drawing the shape of a heart. The very simple ♥ shape.
So many notebooks and journals were filled with my daydream hearts. Who knows what scene was playing out inside my head while I took a black or blue ball point pen and scribbled out thousands of bubbly hearts all over the place, but there was no doubt it probably involved boy meets girl in some way shape or form. Romance was always at the top of my list in those days.
“I changed by not changing at all, small town predicts my fate.”
A romantic living in the big city of Boston, dating nothing but Townies who will surely break your heart, can quickly become jaded, cynical, and crispy inside. Passion, and throwing oneself into a situation with the full force of it, means lots of deflated bubble hearts. So I think back to who I was with, what I was doing and how I did it back then and for some unknown reason I have no regrets even though my heart is possibly less bubbly these days than it was 20 or so years ago.
“My God it’s been so long, never dreamed you’d return.”
In another month I will be attending my 20 year high school reunion. To say that nostalgia is heavy on my mind these days would be a gross understatement. I think about the music I listened to back then, how far I’ve come and the relationships I forged during the many years I lived within the confines of one of Boston’s suburbs. I think about what I wanted in those days, who I thought I’d marry and what I had planned to do with my life.
“But now here you are, and here I am.”
I wonder who will show up, who will catch up and who has passed on beyond our physical world that won’t have the chance to walk into that room, smiling. I wonder if we’ll pull out some old school tunes and dance the night away. I wonder if we’ll all recognize how, no matter what we’ve done since that hot as hell day in early June of 1991 that somehow we managed to grow past ourselves. That we managed to grow.
“Lifetimes are catching up with me.”
No matter what its going to be damn interesting.
Lyrics by Pearl Jam