Saturday, September 10, 2011

Fuck You

I just can't do it anymore. 
Yes this will be cryptic; no I don't plan to explain it.
So if that bothers you don't respond.
I don’t want a fucking hug.
I don’t want you to say,
‘It’ll all be okay.’
Because sometimes it just won’t.
Sometimes what I need is to vent, to scream.
What I need is for you to nod and say,
‘I get it, I’ve been there.’
But don’t try to fix me.
I’ve been broken for years.
I will never be whole,
Just because you pat me on the back.
Give me false comfort.
For something you will never understand.
All that shit is so you can feel better.
So you feel like you’ve done the world a big favor,
That you’ve performed some good deed.
But again, I don’t want it.
It isn’t generosity when the recipient doesn’t want to receive.
Fuck it.

So here’s where it really gets good.
I’m done pretending.
That’s right.
I know you read, I know you obsess.
Well here I am to say I’m fucking done.
I’m done giving a shit about you.
About all the crap that happened back then.
It’s over.
Get it?  O.V.E.R.
So over that I finally have to just say it.
I don’t understand, I will never understand.
I. Can't. Care. Anymore.
Right now I’m letting it go.
I’m moving the fuck on.
Because if I keep sitting around here,
Dwelling, wondering, thinking, recollecting,
I will go freaking stark raving mad.
And I’m already mad enough.
Mad enough to spit nails.
Mad enough to commit something.
Maybe even myself.

I’m breaking the silence right now.
I’m telling you to fuck off.
I’m telling you to leave.
I’m forcing you out of my brain.
Because this is all my own.
Because I need to better me.
Because you have no part in that anymore.
Because this shit doesn’t have a happy ending.
Just the end.

Goodbye to you.
Good riddance to the pain.
Good day to all the shit that went along with it,
The fakeness that came with your alleged love.
The veil dropped away a long time ago.
It just took a lot longer for me to move on.
I’ve moved, now,
It’s over.  Now.


Judi FitzPatrick said...


Almost Precious said...

Yep, sometimes we just have to vent. It's like a pressure cooker, if it didn't have that little steam release valve the whole thing would explode and there'd be a pressure cooker embedded in the ceiling. If we didn't vent every now and then we'd go stark raving mad.
So go ahead and vent, we'll stand back and just listen. Then after it's all over we'll ask; "Do you feel better now?" :)

Rosebud Collection said...

You know, I knew something was up with you..I have been back and forth and didn't anything different and kept thinking..I hope Jenb is okay..I see you had to vent, which is a good thing..Now, as much of a pain in the butt I can be.."This too shall pass"..Sometimes, my girls and I.. always tell each other..Hey, you have to wallow in this crap and then move on..nothing wrong with looking up to see bottom, as long as you climb out of the hole..
The thing to remember..I am very happy you will be warm and starting a new beginning..while I will freeze my A** here in Maine..
Always in my thoughts and now that you vented, don't you feel good?
Sending you love..Carolyn.

Rosebud Collection said...

Ahhh, I see the venting is for something else, that I didn't pick up right away..Jenn,I was worried the move was stressful, but I see that isn't the case..Give me time, I will catch on..haha..xoCarolyn

#1Nana said...

Barak Obama? Okay, I give...I need a bigger hint.

Linda Myers said...

I love what we can say in our blogs.

Suldog said...

Well. Whatever it is (was) here's hoping you feel better. Sometimes the need to let it out is overwhelming. I understand that, believe me. Hang in there.