Friday, May 20, 2011

Giggling at the Rapture of the Lightning

First off I think that’s an excellent title for an album so if my aunt and her friend ever start the rock band that I predict they will start -- Mumsie and the Old Ladies -- I give them full permission to use the title of this blog as their first album name.

But of course you all know that I’m really talking about Saturday.

I just can’t figure it out. Is the alleged ending of the world being shoved down our throats so we all book trips to far off lands in an effort to satisfy at least one item on the bucket list? Is it so we stop giving a crap about high-ass gas prices?

Or maybe it’s so we turn a blind eye to the fact that there is actually a guy in Tampa Bay who is so desperate for ratings on his new wanna-be Howard Stern path that he’s actually trying to start a rivalry with us in Boston.


Sorry, I just slipped into full on girlie-giggle mode for a second there at the thought that poor old, sad and lonely Tampa Bay feels so left out of things that they had to go and try to create a rivalry between the Lightning and the Bruins.


Here’s the thing Cowhead, your letter is an interesting rebuttal to your own point of contention but we already have our rivalries set here in our city so maybe you should seek out some other expansion team to fight.

We, however, are not free to do more than roll our eyes at you; our rivalries date back at least eighty some odd years. A number you should be familiar with as it’s the median age of most people in your state.

We’ve got a long tradition of sports here in Boston and I certainly don’t discount that Tampa Bay has a healthy following of their teams, I mean hell spring training for the Grapefruit league is right around the corner from you and all, but again, when it comes to rivalries in Boston its Spankees, Jets, Habs, Lakers.

So as you can see there is just no room for your cute little team to weasel your way in there. I mean we totally respect why you’d like to try though seeing as though we’re clearly a good team to rival. After so many years without a Pennant the siege of the Yankees was like torture in Boston. But the thing is, in Boston we respect the reality of it all, we own it and just keep trying.

Oh yeah, which reminds me, you’ll want to change your letter to us, it hasn’t been thirty years since our last Stanley Cup, its been thirty nine. I mean hello, if you’re going to insult us at least look up some facts first, geez.

Anyway, the thing is, we took down the signs and all that stuff you were so easily offended by and that’s pretty much the reason we have no interest in your cute little attempt at starting a rivalry with us. The entire time we were removing the signs we were visibly rolling our eyes and thinking:

“What a bunch of pansies, they can’t take a joke?”

Because, you see, any team that is going to be our rival has to have as thick a skin as ours or more. Which is why half our rivalries come from New York. Are you catching on yet?

So here’s your sweet little pat on the head and suggestion that you find a new team to torture because we’ve got plenty of that going on here already.

I hear the Thrashers are about to move to Winnipeg, maybe they’re free.

Doing this today:

grab a cup and play along!


Jessa said...

Thanks for visiting from coffee talk and for the follow. While I don't follow everyone who follows me because honestly, who needs to follow that many blogs? After your reading your bio and laughing the whole way through, I had no other option. Also, you have a ghetto house and last year I bought a ghetto truck. Hahaha

Suldog said...

Brava! Screw Tampa. The Sox have more of a rivalry with the (no longer Devil) Rays than the B's will ever have with the Lightning. Can't they get something going with somebody else from the south, for goodness' sakes? Dopes.