Yesterday a document was leaked (or more likely outright released) that included the names of 103 - 104 baseball players who allegedly tested positive for steroid use in 2003. Rotoinfo.com is, in my opinion, hungry for amping up their Sitemeter stats because I am quite sure after this “oops” occurred yesterday more people visited their site than mlb.com. I mean their website tag line is: “All fantasy news all the time”; there are definitely two ways to interpret that one.
Now as pretty much all of you know I am a Red Sox fan. No, I am not a fan of baseball per se, just the Red Sox. (For the remainder of this paragraph the words “us” and “we” will refer to the collective known in these parts as Red Sox Nation) I do not follow stats and frankly could care less about what any other team is doing, short of us kicking the proverbial asses of the Evil Empire. If you know anything about us then you know exactly who that is. Since we won the World Series in 2004, and a whole bunch of the players on this list were members of that team, well, you can imagine what was being yelled out in the Cask’n Flagon last night.
This really got me thinking a lot about so called performance enhancements and I suddenly became extremely defensive of any athlete who uses anything (especially Michael Phelps). Why the hell should athletes be deprived of any and all advantages to do the best they can possibly do? No other profession stops its workers from using.
Don’t believe me?
OK then here is what I suggest you do. Hop in your vehicle of choice and head on down to your local purveyor of Adult Entertainment, purchase (or rent if you don’t feel like having it in your collection past my requested research period) a film of your choice, just make sure it has at least one guy in it. Next, hit the local convenience store and pick up a stop watch. Come home and toss in the flick. Pay no mind to the plot, because, you know, that is not the important part here. What I want you to do is keep that watch running for as long as the guy is.
Now try to tell me there are no little blue pills hanging around. No one seems to give a crap that all those guys are possibly using some kind of performance enhancer. Nothing kills an adult film faster than a sorry case of ED. If I was the director of one of those films it would probably be something I encouraged since it might even boost sales.
My landscaper puts on sun screen. That’s a chemical and enhances his performance because he can stay out in the sun longer to really pull those weeds like the pro he is.
Stay at home moms might imbibe a cocktail or two in the evening although their job is technically never done. A drink certainly lowers the level of stress and reduces their feelings of inadequacy or pressure to perform.
I can not honestly say that I have never partaken in a mind freeing substance now and again when the words were just not flowing. Then again most of the time I simply fall back on the all time favorite performance enhancing crutches of every writer -- the dictionary and thesaurus.
Someone should fine me 3,000 words and make me sit and watch all my fellow writers type away their own lunacy for the next ten articles, but totally ban me from participating. I will just call it a vacation; I mean at least my carpel tunnel can take a rest while I sit these next few out.
If doctors can use them to help treat their patients who suffer certain ailments then why should we begrudge an athlete from learning all the facts about them and saying yea or nay on their own to using them?
I say make them legal in sports, let them all use them and finally just level the playing field back to zero. After all, if everyone is on them it will provide no real advantage over another player.
Just like when mom said nothing about the guy you were dating simply to spite her and so it came back to bite you in your own ass, if one random hitter will be just as awesome as the next there is no fun in doing it anymore. All the players can then just quit and go back to the good old days of only winning or losing when a bookie says to.
Photo credit, click picture to be taken directly to Photobucket site.