I run around all the time saying I am a writer but then I never really write anything and it has come to my attention that I am tired of this behavior. So in an effort to actually follow through and become the writer I know is itching to streak across the page, I have decided to do my best to write a little something on my blog everyday for the entire month of May. Some of the stuff I write will be total crap (most likely today will fall into that category) but occasionally a tiny little gem will sneak its way out of my fingers and make its way to your brain where it will be absorbed and laughed about for centuries. Or at least the five minutes it takes to finish reading it.
In an effort to further my “this is really what I have wanted all along, duh” career move into writing I am re-enrolling in school this fall. I have spent so many years trying to fool myself into thinking I wanted to be an Interior Designer or a painter or a seamstress. Admittedly it is true that I do a pretty kick ass job at all of those things but that is simply because I have ‘Over Achiever Perfectionist’ syndrome and if I take it on I will do my best to get a 4.0 in it. A 4.0 GPA in the subject of life is just way too much pressure for this little scrappy gal to handle so it is time to pare it all down.
I have never been one to take on less than my share of projects, in fact most of the time it is too many and one thing or another suffers but I refuse to let it go. As a kid I was smart, straight E’s on my grammar school report card, and then at some point I decided that smart was not cool. When I think back on my high school days I would like to say I was lazy about school work, or that my smarts had simply faded away, but in reality it was the thing I let suffer. I had academics, gymnastics, a job, friends and a boyfriend to focus on; one of those things was surely going to fall further away than the others.
Everyone told me they “knew I could do better” when I graduated high school with a 2.4 GPA. I knew it too but it would have meant less time hanging out, making out or working out and that did not feel right either. I had spread myself so thinly across all of my activities that I became nothing more than average at everything and that drove me insane. So when I went to college as an adult perhaps the O.A.P. took over but I spent at least forty hours a week on my studies to maintain the 4.0 I was so proud of. The problem was I did not truly enjoy the program I was in so the work I put in was meaningless and yet again certain aspects of my life began to suffer; most notably my relationship with Matt.
Once we moved back to Massachusetts and I left the Interior Design program to start my own faux finishing business I ended up with a lot more time on my hands to begin writing down all the things that really mattered to me -- Matt, friends, happiness, love, a clean house, words, music, family, food, bills paid on time and kindness. It was only after I let go of the things I thought I should have that I discovered all the things I really want.
So who knows what all of you might read over the next 30 posts but I hope you enjoy it none the less; I know I would enjoy writing it even if no one was reading.