My eyes fly open in a panic
As if I have somehow missed a deadline
There is a long history that can
Never be rewritten
And you are in almost every chapter.
There is no way I could foresee
A single one without you in it.
It would be easy to ignore it all,
Imagine that it is nothing more than a
Nightmare, that it never actually happened
Because sometimes that is what I like to do;
And I can not even bring myself
To talk about it out loud,
The simple six letter word
Just will not form on my lips
So I utter the nine letter one instead.
It is as if before today I had the ability
To iterate, and now it is gone.
So that is the reason I write.
There are so many ways to ask
Why her? In a blank journal
There is no harm in anger,
No harm in screaming
Fuck you God!
No one will ever have to read it
If I do not put it out there.
But this is an open letter
From my heart and soul.
It is addressed to you. It is
And there is something inside me
Pulling and prompting me to share it
With the world.
It has been a very long year
Full of complications,
New and strange experiences
That have felt never ending.
Not all bad but certainly trying,
Testing of your patience and
Now that this arises I feel need to scream
You have a family to care for
Two boys that need you,
For a long time to come
And that is all there is to it.
To say they saved your life
Is something you have spoken;
It is true on so many levels.
It is time now to be done with it all
Time to move forward
To not have to face more hospitals
Your collection of plastic bracelets
Is definitely impressive, but they need to be
Scrapbooked for posterity
And put on a shelf.
In a closed book with sealed pages.