Sunday, April 5, 2009

An Open Letter from My Heart

My eyes fly open in a panic
As if I have somehow missed a deadline
Or you.
There is a long history that can
Never be rewritten
And you are in almost every chapter.
There is no way I could foresee
A single one without you in it.

It would be easy to ignore it all,
Imagine that it is nothing more than a
Nightmare, that it never actually happened
Because sometimes that is what I like to do;
And I can not even bring myself
To talk about it out loud,
The simple six letter word
Just will not form on my lips
So I utter the nine letter one instead.
It is as if before today I had the ability
To iterate, and now it is gone.

So that is the reason I write.
There are so many ways to ask
Why her? In a blank journal
There is no harm in anger,
No harm in screaming
Fuck you God!
No one will ever have to read it
If I do not put it out there.

But this is an open letter
From my heart and soul.
It is addressed to you. It is
For you.
And there is something inside me
Pulling and prompting me to share it
With the world.

It has been a very long year
Full of complications,
New and strange experiences
That have felt never ending.
Not all bad but certainly trying,
Testing of your patience and
Good nature.
Now that this arises I feel need to scream

You have a family to care for
Two boys that need you,
For a long time to come
And that is all there is to it.
To say they saved your life
Is something you have spoken;
It is true on so many levels.

It is time now to be done with it all
Time to move forward
To not have to face more hospitals
Bed rest.
Your collection of plastic bracelets
Is definitely impressive, but they need to be
Scrapbooked for posterity
And put on a shelf.
In a closed book with sealed pages.


Matt S said...

I'm left speechless! Way to put it out there!

Moonchild Dancing! said...

Wow. I feel I've missed something important. Your letter is really something powerful.

Peace and Love to you.

ginger said...

((big hugs))

i'm glad you can get it out there and clear the crap jenn.

beautifully put as well, "Just will not form on my lips
So I utter the nine letter one instead."

pastrywitch said...

wow. very powerful.

Dave King said...

I have read it a couple of times, but feel I have not yet got to grips with it. Very impressive. I have not yet finished with it.

Chris said...

Very intense and gutsy, Jenn. I'm impressed.

TheresaJ said...

Beautifully and skillfully written, but I also feel like I'm missing something that those close to you will get immediately. I can guess the 6 letter word, but I'm not sure what the 9 letter word is. I will undoubtedly return a few more times to try to piece the puzzle together. Very moving, even if I'm not quite sure why I feel so moved. ♥

Andrea said...

Loved this!!

Suldog said...

I'll just say that I wish you - and the object - both to have God's best blessings, and soon.

Jenn Flynn-Shon said...

Thank you all so very much for your incredibly kind comments on this piece. It is a tough time for a very close friend but things will improve and all will be well I am sure of it. Sometimes ya just gotta get it out.

Bree said...

The individual details in this are so personal, it was almost hard for me to read. I hope it is the end of doctors, needles, knives, and poison.

Maggie May said...

This is so right on, so passionate and real and wonderfully expressed. So sad. I hope your friend gets better.

Rosebud Collection said...

A very interesting piece..I have always believed we pick our destiny..before we hit earth. Choosing His will or our will, is what makes the difference in how the job is done.

Rosebud Collection said...

Wanted to send you greetings for a
happy weekend..Enjoy..