Sunday, October 12, 2008

Where is the Re-boot Button for the Brain?

Sometimes I become so consumed with things going on around me that I forget to take it down a notch; suddenly my mind is in overdrive but shut down simultaneously. It is hard to explain other than to say I want to do everything and nothing at the same time. I used to suffer from panic attacks and this is generally when they would pop up, once I even had one spring up at work and ended up spending the day at the hospital hyperventilating from a reaction to, well, literally nothing in particular. Kind of scary but at least now I recognize the symptoms in advance so I can do something about keeping them at bay.

During times like this I tend to get really bad sleep, break out a lot and become completely disorganized both in my head and in my house. It used to really bother me because I am generally so organized that to have my mind in upheaval really throws me off. Now I tend to take these times as a sign that my brain was going to implode so it had to go into some kind of hibernation to protect itself. And I let it.

I find myself listening to a lot of music and really paying attention to the lyrics. Anything that captures that moment in time, the quick flash of explaining what it all means, really speaks to me. This time around I am listening to a lot of Incubus & Foo Fighters. Drive, Stellar and Make Yourself are favorites on Make Yourself by Incubus (sadly the only album I currently own by them), Learn to Fly and Everlong are two of the hits the Foos had that I will never get sick of hearing.

Pardon Me
By Incubus

A decade ago, I never thought I would be,
At twenty three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion.
Woe-is-me.
But I guess that it comes with the territory,
An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity.
I need you to hear, I need you to see
That I have had all I can take and
Exploding seems like a definite possibility to me.

So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of this world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me.
I'll never be the same.

Not two days ago, I was having a look in a book
And I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees.
I said, "I can relate," cause lately I've been thinking of combustication
As a welcomed vacation from the burdens of the planet Earth.
Like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D
And thinking so much differently.

So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of this world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me
I'll never be the same.

Never be the same, yeah

Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me

So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of this world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me
I'll never be the same.


The Pretender
By Foo Fighters

Keep you in the dark
You know they all pretend
Keep you in the dark
And so it all began

Send in your skeletons
Sing as their bones go marching in again
The need you buried deep
The secrets that you keep are ever ready

Are you ready?
I'm finished making sense
Done pleading ignorance
That whole defense

Spinning infinity boy
The wheel is spinning me
It's never-ending, never-ending
Same old story

What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
You're the pretender
What if I say that I'll never surrender?

What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
You're the pretender
What if I say that I'll never surrender?

In time or so I'm told
I'm just another soul for sale, oh, well
The page is out of print
We are not permanent
We're temporary, temporary
Same old story

What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
You're the pretender
What if I say that I'll never surrender?

What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
You're the pretender
What if I say that I'll never surrender?

I'm the voice inside your head
You refuse to hear
I'm the face that you have to face
Mirrored in your stare
I'm what's left, I'm what's right
I'm the enemy
I'm the hand that will take you down
Bring you to your knees

So who are you?
Yeah, who are you?
Yeah, who are you?
Yeah, who are you?

Keep you in the dark
You know they all pretend

What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
You're the pretender
What if I say that I'll never surrender?

What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
You're the pretender
What if I say that I'll never surrender?

What if I say I'm not like the others?
(Keep you in the dark)
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
(You know they all... pretend)
You're the pretender
What if I say that I'll never surrender?

What if I say I'm not like the others?
(Keep you in the dark)
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
(You know they all... pretend)
You're the pretender
What if I say that I'll never surrender?

So who are you?
Yeah, who are you?
Yeah, who are you?


And, breathe.

14 comments:

Andrea said...

If only there were a reset button! I feel ya...

pastrywitch said...

Re-set would be good. I'm so fuzzy headed that the lyrics are just a blur.....

Bridgete said...

Yeah. I've been doing a lot of law school crap all day today. My brain needs to reset to take it all in.

High Desert Diva said...

Just breathe...


Yep.

Rosebud Collection said...

There is nothing more frightening than not catching your breath..It is a terrible thing these panic attacks..Glad you know when/what to do when you start to feel them coming on..Music is a wonderful thing..

TheresaJ said...

Wow, I feel like I could have written that post. I feel the same much of the time, but have learned to recognize what sets me off and it helps me to deal with it. Basically, it's overwhelm, and when I am overwhelmed, I become immobilized (and being a single Mom since my kids were 3 & 6, I felt overwhelmed much of the time). The trick is to try to quiet your mind and take each thing on individually rather than constantly looking at the whole picture. I also used to get anxiety attacks when I was younger, and even have a history of passing out a few times because of them. Hasn't happened in years, thankfully.

I am also always drawn to song lyrics. I mean, I love songs for the music and/or "the hook" too, but the lyrics are what really resonate with me.

Anyway... thanks for your comment on my blog. As for how many cards to bring to your 1st show (congrats), I'd say it depends on the show itself. If it's a huge, well advertised show, bring a lot - and keep them replenished. If it's a smaller show, maybe not quite so many. I always bring much more than I need or hand out. Also, if you have any other shows coming up, bring fliers for them show as well so people can pick those up too. Mostly, relax and have fun!

Karen said...

Yeah, life does get crazy, doesn't it? I always heard (and believe) that you can lower your blood pressure by watching fish in an aquarium. I love acquariums... they are so relaxing.

Judi FitzPatrick said...

I'd say this is post-bag let-down. Breathing is good.

Also, here's an opportunity for you - you've been tagged. Please check out my blog for the details:
http://judisjems.blogspot.com/2008/10/ive-been-tagged.html
Love, Mum

Bridgete said...

Hey, I don't know if you saw my reply on my blog to your question about the Mraz show on Friday. I am going. My friends and I are going to dinner at 5:30 at PF Chang's near the theater. Are you going? Would you like to join us?

Bree said...

hahaha "drive" is a bit of a theme of mine...has been since I was in high school! When I met Incubus after a concert of theirs (I was 18), I think I told the lead singer that. I don't think he was impressed. LOL!

Chris Stone said...

I've never been good at listening to lyrics... except Chet Baker stumbling through "Send in the Clowns." Sadly, the tape wore out and I can't find that exact recording.

and love the idea of a re-set button...

mandy said...

it's taken me forever and a month to see your comment, but here i am! thanks for sending it lol. i'm looking for friends on here, but i'm not really familiar with the site yet.

Sahara said...

Panic attacks are scary, bless your heart. Music helps me through everything. Love the Foo Fighters! Good choice of music Jenn. :)

ginger said...

i'd hit that button all day some days. i think it's called going to sleep ans waking up in 3 days. that's a good reset.

i feel ya sister!