Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Next Time

I can not be so careless anymore
My heart is racing around at a billion beats per second
But it has slowed to the point of non existence
Where is the reset button?
Why does everything have to be ‘shoulda?
What will I say when I am forced to face it?
Will I lay it all out;
Is there a magical way to shut off caring?

In another lifetime I know there were other things
In that analogous existence there is something to hold onto
An alternate life in a parallel universe
If only I could be so lucky
If everything is nothing anyway what does it matter?


There are bridges to build and burn to the ground
There are ways to get around it
But there is no way to cross the divide
It is raging and bubbling and spits out like a geyser
It crashes down around me and shoves me into the ground
Like a hammer pounding at the top of my head
The feeling is a dull ache that has always been there
All at once I feel fury and comfort for the pain

I vehemently defend my position until I faint
There is no use trying to explain it
The white noise is making me deaf
The screaming is silent

The selections were made
Problems are clear
A bond is broken
Adoration is a mask


Julie said...

Sounds like a hug is in order. I hope everything's ok -- or will be. For what it's worth, I have an achy post to make as well.

Hang in there.

Bridgete said...

I send virtual hugs as well.

Verão said...

Wow. Hope is all well. I wore the pendant I got from you today!

Rosebud Collection said...

"Next Time"..quite the read..What is happening? I know your sister was with you for awhile and is it her loss you are feeling since she went back home? Just a thought..I know, sometimes I go off the deep end..

Andrea said...

Deep stuff. Hang in there!

Suldog said...

Excellent poem, darkness and scariness included. Drew me in right from the start.

Rosebud Collection said...

Glad all is well..hey, a good way to vent, I think..

Felicia said...

Sending positive thoughts your way.

David Sullivan said...

Sound like me and my deceased mother (or father for that matter!)

High Desert Diva said...

good to be able to write it out...glad you're doing better now!

pastrywitch said...

writing is a great way to work through things - don't be afraid of the darkness. It's what seeds need to get going :)

kschaffter said...

Hi there :)

The Bunny Maker said...

hi there - came to investigate your blog from Etsy forums. Your writing makes my blog look so frivolous. I can see how much thought you put into each post.
Sending good thoughts your way....

Rosebud Collection said...

Just a little note about my grandfather..His name was Percy Graham Tuthill..lived in Greenport/Mattituck Long Island, New York..He was a shipbuilder out there..Holland was the man that invented the submarine and my grandfather worked on it at the age of 19..Our roots on L.I. are from 1640..so our families could be linked somewhere..Isn't it interesting?

Chris Stone said...

glad to hear all is good now! will send you (((hugs))) anyway!

ginger said...

darkness is good....it allows us to appreciate the light more.

i was reading this and wondering when it was that you gained access to my brain and heart. i can think of a few times i've identified with these feelings.

you don't write prose here much, i like it.