Thursday, January 3, 2008

Bad Things Always Move In Slow Motion

There are few things in this world that make me heated to the point of pissed off; the number one thing to get me there is to play me for a fool. This is a two fold issue for me. First there is the fact that apparently I somehow allowed this to happen to myself, which makes me conclude that I am an idiot. That is a problem for me because I hate idiots, no I mean really hate idiots because I think logic should be something we are all born with. Stupid people should not be allowed to breed more stupid people. An occasional “duh” moment every now and then is one thing, we all have those, I am talking about saying stupid things and making stupid choices over and over again, knowing it is not smart and glazing right past the logical, bright choice. That wins an idiot award in my book. Second there is this thing that I find out about which brings up feelings of dishonesty so my trust in the person who withheld flies right out the window.

How ironic to be watching a show with the exact same premise when this discovery is made. I really dislike when irony becomes coincidentally real so perhaps I should back up for a moment and fill you in on where all this anger is coming from since it is really not my style.



I have not been fully open about the fact that quitting smoking didn’t go exactly as planned back around Thanksgiving but it is time to share it now. Yes I fell off the wagon on Turkey day because I was literally surrounded by smokers and it was just too new for me to be strong. After smoking for roughly sixteen years it would be tough to quit anyway so plunk me in a room with little, rolled, white paper, tar enhanced, glowing end sticks everywhere the eye can see and the situation is just hopeless. I am back on track now though, last cigarette extinguished at 11:51 PM on 12/31/2007. Sorry, I’m too high strung to figure out the length of time, but suffice to say it is new and I’m jonesing hardcore, so it is important to find alternate ways to keep entertained.

Our best friends lent us season one of the show 24 which has become the new obsession. Sleep falls by the wayside to get in just ‘one more episode’. How sad, yet I admit, it is true. We’re only in season one but our friends have seen everything available on disc and are possibly worse than us. In fact, they became so hooked on the show that here is one of the stocking stuffers S gave B for Christmas this year.


Yes that is a bad-ass Jack Bauer action figure complete with shell casings on the ground, high leg kicking action and busted hinges as he knocks down this door to somehow weasel his way out of yet another completely inescapable situation.

As we are watching the show last night I yell out something to the effect of ‘if I had to pick between finishing this season of 24 and having a cigarette right now…’ and then I trailed off because I knew that what I really wanted was to watch the show and quit smoking. Because I am still going through nicotine withdrawals, yelling little things like this helps remind me that smoking is stupid and I will not be doing it (again, can not be an idiot). From across the room I suddenly hear “what if I told you there were contingency cigarettes hidden in this house?”

Cue Jack Bauer’s foot in my chest. It takes what feels like ten minutes for my head to fully turn to look at Matt as I drop my jaw in disbelief. He looks back at me as if nothing is amiss, as if this should have been something for me to expect and suddenly I am taken back to my blog from November again. This is the part where I feel played, foolish and distrustful. Armed with this information I will now never believe that he has actually quit smoking. I will never trust that he doesn’t smoke all day while he’s at work & just “quits” for the evening while he is here, just to appease me. So I say to him ‘Are you f’ing kidding me? Put them in water and throw them away right now.’ But it is no use because now I know they are here and I wake up this morning ready to toss this house like I have a search warrant from CTU.

I only went through two rooms until I allowed my logic to kick back in. First of all, there is a convenience store not even five minutes from my house so if I really wanted to I could drive on over there and buy a pack. Second, why should I allow myself to do the very thing that I am now distrustful of him over just to feed into some addiction that should be out of my blood stream in a matter of hours? If I smoke now then he wins and if you know me at all you know there is no possible way I will ever let anyone beat me at anything. Well good, secretly then I hope that he is still smoking. Let him smoke all day if he wants to, let him have to go through this feeling every night and weekend because he’s trying to cover something up for me. I will be over these withdrawal symptoms in about 24 more hours but he would have to suffer in silence every day; the price paid for being dishonest.

15 comments:

Bree said...

Nice to meet you! Too bad that Jack Bauer figurine isn't a Chuck Norris figurine, what with that badass roundhouse stance! :)

--Bree

Jenn Flynn-Shon said...

LOL! The figureine would then have to be backside to the door, leg out, gun pointed & head turned to look at what he was kicking into ya know? Thanks for the laugh Bree :)

Bree said...

hmmm I see what you mean. My mistake. It's been a while since I've seen an episode of Walker: Texas Ranger. XD

Bridgete said...

Good for you for sticking to it. =)

Jenn Flynn-Shon said...

Thanks bridgete but here is a question - is it better to smoke 6 cigarettes or eat an entire cheese ball in one day? Unfortunately this is a serious question...

Judi FitzPatrick said...

Seriously, cheeseball beats cigs any day of the week. Good for you for hanging in there. Besides, he did say "what if I told you...", an old cop trip to make you think something is true even when it isn't. Don't let anyone mess with your head that way - just keep eating cheeseball and smile all the way to cleaner lungs!

Jenn Flynn-Shon said...

sadly, it was true...but they were not in the house...he smoked yesterday...then so did i...but i plan to stick to it and keep trying to kick it...it is just not going to be easy that's all

this is the part where i made the stupid choice, and become the idiot i despise...grrr

ginger said...

i tried commenting here the other day, sorry. my computer had a tizzy about not being able to debug. i think it wanted a cigarette. (wink)

I'm pretty sure i was going to say something brilliant and witty (haha), but i don't remember now....i do remember wanting to say that it looks like you have a saboteur in your midst though jenn.

you can do this...cheeseballs be darned!

oh yeah, jack bauer rocks the bad ass casbah! i looooove jack bauer!

Jenn Flynn-Shon said...

You are always witty & brilliant :)

We just finished watching season 2 & when he literally "died" I was like, ok now HOW can he possibly get out of THIS one...of course they somehow pulled it off again. Jack Bauer is the mad fat mack daddy for sure! Although I'm starting to become a "Tony" fan after the line "You can either fire me or get out of my chair" Another bad ass in the making lol

Thanks for the support, it is tough but I'm really trying to stay away from the store!

@ByHandGiveaways said...

Yay for sticking with it. I feel like my ex bf but still close friend is trying to sabotoge my diet because he always tries to make me cheat with him, I tink he secretly doesnt want me to look good that way no one wants me and I go back to him

Julie said...

Hang in there! After going to see the Body Worlds exhibit last weekend, I can safely say, yes, better to eat a whole cheeseball than mess with the cigs.

You can do it! :)

almapottery said...

ohhh.I feel your pain.I quit for 4 years cold turkey and this holiday after a bottle of vine surrounded by 6 people chain smoking I had a cigarette. I lost it.From that moment all of them blew in my face and everytime I tried to complain the told me I'm a smoker.I want to kick myself.

ginger said...

hahahaha!!! i caught your comment on mraz' blog to the stalker...nice!

you're a sweetie ~

Jenn Flynn-Shon said...

alma I know exactly how you feel...I am actually smoking again now (sobs) but I am down to almost 1/2 what I was smoking before. If I can keep that up I'll try to quit again in the next couple weeks...we can quit together & be each other's support network :)

ginger ;-P It was the lack of nicotine that I blame that rant on...lol

Jenn Flynn-Shon said...

dam - why is it they try to force us into being not strong just because they aren't? grrr...you can do it too girl, its on your resolution list! :)

julie - I was too chickn to see that, it looked really creepy lol medical type stuff like that freaks me out!